Birth
by AnimeCountDown
Summary: There was only so much misfortune the pretty young orphan could meet. Sooner or later, he would find home. AxelXRoxas. Warning: Modern/Yaoi. Parallel to "Chains".
1. Axel

For as long as he could remember, Roxas was always put below the rest of the world. He wore nothing more than the meager rags he could afford, riddled with holes and stains, and the dirt perpetually smeared upon his skin. As a child, he would wander the streets with his mother, clutching one of her hands desperately with both of his. He never went to school. Never made a friend. Never amounted to anything but a trembling mess of terrified, uncertain nerves. All he had was his mother, who grew thinner and thinner each day, but never failed, by the end of each night, to find a safe haven for them to curl up together and sleep.

Until, of course, Roxas woke to find her gone.

It was a young boy with eyes like the sky and hair the same as chocolate silk who awoke him this fateful day, who ushered him eagerly into the building Roxas had been huddled against, in the crook of the alley. Dazed and undoubtedly alone, Roxas obeyed without resistance. He wasn't educated, but he was smart where it counted for a boy like him. He knew she was gone. And he found that he wasn't surprised.

As it happened, the home the boy was inviting him into was an orphanage, and Roxas was welcomed with open arms. He was introduced to a number of people. There was Hayner, who was older and more experienced and always teasing him about this or that. And Pence, always with a snack in his hand and a grin plastered to his face, one of the friendliest of the orphanage. Olette, too, one of the only girls the orphanage catered to, and for it, most of the chores were dumped on her.

Then, of course, was Sora. The boy who had found Roxas. And maybe it was because Sora had been the one to retrieve Roxas from the rubble, but the two formed a special bond nobody else could explain. At first, it was because Roxas had emotionally shut down from being abandoned, and could only instinctively cling to the nearest person available: Sora. And so he followed Sora like a puppy, doing what Sora did, sleeping with Sora, eating with Sora, obeying Sora, playing with Sora. Timid and tiny for his age, days went without Roxas uttering a single sound.

Only about a week after Roxas had been living at the orphanage, realized that maybe he had found a home, did he properly introduce himself to Sora. And Sora gave him a wide grin, exclaimed something in delighted excitement, and gave him an embrace that threw Roxas' senses across the room. All he knew was how warm he felt. How happy. So unbearably happy.

After that, he and Sora became best friends. Roxas forgot about life on the streets; all that mattered was Sora. Occasionally, the older and bigger kids would pick on Roxas - because of his size, his silence, his feminine build. And Sora would always stand up for him. A number of times, the brunette received black eyes and bloodied lips for defending his little blonde friend, and Roxas, distraught and touched, would always nurture him back to full health.

It was a love between brothers like no other. Inseparable. Undying.

Doomed.

Because Roxas was indeed a pretty boy. With long, thick eyelashes he didn't understand fluttered a particularly irresistible way when he blinked like that. And wide eyes like blue stars that shone with such innocence whether he was smiling or crying, that made one wish to hold and protect him from harm. His slight frame and the delicateness with which he walked and handled things. A slight voice, not one deep or unfittingly high, but a soft medium tenor that sometimes trembled as he spoke when he was nervous. Touchable, pale skin, smooth and pretty, rosy at the cheeks when he blushed, which was frequent, and a pale pink at his lips.

And it wasn't long before the boys and girls at Destiny Orphanage began to act a little peculiar around Roxas. Not making fun so much anymore, but poking and prodding. Giving winks and stealing touches, trying to get Roxas alone. And Roxas never quite understood it, merely thought he was the butt of the joke, and everyone was laughing at his expense. And as Sora grew more protective, as the years passed, Roxas didn't quite put two together and he never wondered why.

Sora was simply his big brother, no questions asked.

The harassment meant Sora found more opportunities for them to spend time together anyway. They would hide themselves in the downstairs cellar closet or lounge on the roof because Sora had figured out how to get the tricky door to open. Mostly, Roxas loved it when Sora took them to the park. He loved the grass, the fresh air, the flowers, the trees, the openness, the sky. He would take it all in and smile and laugh. And he would forget all the worries he could have ever had.

Things started changing around the time Sora turned eighteen. He was only a few months older than Roxas, but the day Sora became an adult…he became a different person. Not entirely. He was still a jokester, still protective, still affectionate and loving with Roxas. But his smile wasn't quite right, and he could never exactly relax. Roxas tried to tell himself he was just imaging it, that he should just be glad Sora was allowed to stay. Most of the guys had to leave once they turned eighteen. Some of them stayed. And Roxas was just happy he didn't have to say goodbye.

Until, of course, the day came.

When Roxas turned eighteen.

He woke to the hushed cry of his name and hands shaking him by his shoulders. His eyes snapped open immediately, though not able to see in the darkness, and he pulled himself upright with a soft groan. It was nearly pitch black, with only the light shining from beneath the door giving him anything to see by. He could make out subtle outlines - of his bed, his lamp…Sora. Those blue eyes were frantic, glowing in the dark.

"Sora?" he murmured, still half-asleep. He tried rubbing it from his eyes, but Sora was grabbing his arms and yanking him from the bed. Naturally, he tripped and stumbled, and would have fallen if Sora had not caught him. "Hey! What's wrong?"

"Sh," Sora hissed, letting him go so he could grab something from the bedside table and shove it into Roxas' hands. "Get dressed. Hurry."

Roxas knew that tone. Whatever was going on, it was too important to waste time with questions. He nodded and obeyed, stripping out of pajama pants and pulling up the soft khaki pants Sora had chosen for him. The room was silent around them. None of the other boys were awake, but there was something in the air that made Roxas shudder nervously. It was a heavy pressure, like static charging before a storm. As he tugged the t-shirt over his head, Sora bent over to shove his feet into shoes, nearly toppling Roxas over in the process. He squeaked as he fell against the bed, but was only hushed hastily again.

"What's going on?" Roxas whined, as Sora hurriedly tied the second shoe and pulled Roxas back to his feet. As Sora dragged him to the door, Roxas whispered, "Sora?"

"You can't talk, Rox," Sora warned, before opening the door quietly and leading Roxas into the hallway. Roxas winced as the light struck his eyes suddenly, but when his vision cleared, he noticed something peculiar.

Sora wasn't dressed.

Roxas had to bite his lip, because he so desperately wanted to ask Sora why Roxas was dressed and why Sora was still in his night clothes, but he had been told not to speak, and he wanted to obey. He wanted to please his beloved, dear Sora, who always protected him. All his life, obeying was the one thing that he could do right. So he kept quiet as Sora guided him warily through the vacant halls, down the stairs, right to the building's side door - the one that Roxas thought didn't open.

But Sora shoved it open and yanked Roxas into the small alleyway between the orphanage and its neighboring building. The space was small and cramped, with barely enough room for Roxas and Sora to fit. Roxas winced as rain doused him the instant he stepped outside. Hair suddenly plastered to his forehead, clothing clinging to his skin, Roxas covered his eyes and peered at Sora, who was busy forcing the door back into place. Sora turned, equally soaked, and squinted at him through the rain for a long moment.

"Come on!" he shouted, just loud enough to be heard over the thundering rain, grabbing Roxas' hand and dashing toward the back of the building.

The block the orphanage was on was full of business buildings and different types of small, miscellaneous stores. Every building was cramped and close to the one beside it, with barely enough room to squeeze between them. Because of this, most of the buildings were back to back, too. However, behind the orphanage was a small parking lot enclosed by fifteen-foot-walls; the only entrances to the parking lot were the back door of the orphanage, the side alley, and the ominous gate with "No Trespassing" signs that led to the street behind the orphanage. Often times, the children of the orphanage would come out and play in the little parking lot, and none of them had ever seen that gate open and had never seen a soul even acknowledge that it was there. To Roxas, it was a secret. It wasn't really a parking lot, because it wasn't ever used as one.

But tonight, it was. The gate to the adjacent street was open wide, and a U-haul was parked, headlights glowing dimly against the fog of rain and engine purring over the heavy pattering. The back of the truck was drawn up and open, and Roxas' jaw fell open at the sight of boys - boys he knew from the orphanage - climbing one by one into the back of the van. Other men dotted the crowd, seeming to be something like supervisors, watching the boys carefully with eyes like cold stones. Inside the van, the boys huddled together, shivering from the cold. Most of them were dressed, but only barely, as if they had been rushed out of bed. Like Roxas.

"You have to go with them!" Sora shouted in his ear. Roxas knew that between the rain and the truck, nobody would be able to hear anything they said. He could barely hear Sora himself - and he knew he couldn't have possibly heard correct.

"What?" he mouthed, not able to summon the strength to yell. Sora took him by the shoulders and stared him down.

"Listen to me!" he commanded, and Roxas nodded. He obeyed. "You can't stay at the orphanage anymore, Rox! You have to go with those guys, and as soon as the door opens again, you run like hell, okay? Run far away and find yourself a new home!"

"But Sora!" Roxas whined, pouting when Sora shook his head at him.

"Trust me, Rox!" Sora demanded, glaring at him hard until Roxas answered with a hesitant, but determined nod. He would obey. His eyes burned and his throat stung, but he nodded. Because he did trust Sora, and he wanted to make him happy. "Good boy."

Sora embraced him suddenly, clutching him tightly, face buried in Roxas' shoulder. Roxas didn't know what was going on, but he didn't pass up the opportunity to hold Sora, the one who always understood, who was always there. Who loved him because nobody else would.

He held him with all he could, until Sora suddenly pulled away and pressed his warm lips right to his forehead.

"Happy birthday, Rox," he whispered, before pushing him out of the alley, and into the crowd of other orphans.

Roxas stumbled, but caught himself on the shoulder of one of the boys, who looked just as scared as Roxas. They steadied each other and merged with the others, too shaken to ask questions or resist the flow that steadily brought them to the back of the U-haul. Roxas was so short, shaking so hard, one of the supervising men had to lift him up into the platform. Once inside, he was ushered back to where he found himself pressed between bodies. They were all soaked, could find no warmth in huddling together anymore.

As more and more boys piled in, Roxas stood on his toes to look toward the alley one more time, to catch a last glimpse of Sora's sparkling blue eyes and beautiful smile. But he could hardly see, past the heads that towered over him and the rain that blurred everything together. If Sora was still there…Roxas could not see him. And then the door was slamming shut, enveloping them all in an abrupt darkness. Some of the boys cried out in surprise, and Roxas felt the guy behind him shudder in anticipation. The U-haul shifted beneath them suddenly, lurching and sending them all off-balance. And then they were moving.

It happened so fast.

He didn't quite fall asleep after that, but fell into a dull trance in which he was consumed by his thoughts. As he listened to the thrum of the engine, the quiet late night traffic outside, the fearful murmur echoing in whispers from the other boys, Roxas' mind swirled until he felt he was about to faint. So many questions. So much confusion. Like being told to look five ways at once. Like being blindfold and spun. Like slipping and falling and never waking up. Like opening your eyes and discovering you've been abandoned.

Again.

Hours passed without him even taking notice. One moment, he was watching the door fall shut, and the next, he found himself sitting and leaning against the legs of another as the U-haul came to a stop and the engine died. He blinked against the light, dim as it was, that flooded the back of the van, his entire body groaning, resisting all movement as Roxas tried to cover his eyes. They had stopped. They were leaving?

Why was everything happening so damn quickly?

Because there was nothing to do as he was shoved out of the U-haul and dragged into line with the other boys. They were again in a secluded parking lot, and were being forced through two metal doors leading into a basement beneath an old, tattered building. Roxas peered frantically around for some sort of escape - that's what Sora had told him. Run away. But there was no way he'd ever be able to outrun one of the fierce-looking supervisors. He was much too tiny, and in no condition at all with his bones so stiff and his muscles aching in pain. He could do nothing but obey the men and follow the group of orphans into the cellar, down the stairs, fumbling and tripping because there was hardly any light.

Lost, so lost. He couldn't see, couldn't think. He couldn't even breathe.

The stairs ended to a long corridor that forked in three different directions, and the boys were herded down the right hallway. It became lighter as they walked, as there was an occasional light bulb, naked and flickering, dangling every so often from the stark metal ceiling. Roxas didn't know whether to try to get closer to the other boys or try to slip away from them. Every door they passed was an exit, an escape. Even if they were underground, anything would be better than here, walking to what could very well be his doom.

But why, then? Where could they have been possibly going? His mind fought itself, trying to get over the shock and the fear, even as his body shook, so that he could figure out what the hell was going on. Why would Sora make him leave the orphanage? Was this for his own good? Was Sora…trying to get rid of him? No. No, Sora would never throw him away. Roxas squeezed his eyes tightly and bit the inside of his cheek. He couldn't let himself doubt Sora. Not now. He needed something to understand and believe in.

Next thing he knew, the walls were becoming concrete instead of metal and the lighting improved. Up ahead, he could see that the orphans were being split into groups and ushered into different rooms. When Roxas was shoved into one, he stumbled a little, but found himself caught in the arms of a much larger, stronger man.

"Hm? What a pretty one… Look at this one, Hizaki!"

Roxas gasped in surprise as the man yanked him upright and dragged him thoughtlessly to one side of the room. When he turned his head, he could see a few others orphans, also being handled with the same kind of treatment. Mirrors lined the walls, each one framed with brilliant lights and equipped with a small desk and a stool to sit at. At the moment, he was being dragged to some tall stalls, something that looked a bit like…

Showers?

He yelped when his shirt was yanked up over his head, none too lightly, and firm hands were suddenly unbuttoning his pants. Face red hot, he tried to cover himself as two sets of hands took to stripping him efficiently and shoving him under a jet of steaming water.

"You're right," another voice, softer than the first, noted with interest. Roxas looked up through his hair to see two men. One, with long hair and feminine features, gazed at him with simple curiosity. The other was busying himself with a collection of bottles with labels and names Roxas didn't recognize. "Soft features, small build. You are rather like a girl, hm?"

Roxas felt himself blush even more, though his skin was already turning pink from the water. It wasn't unbearable, but it was rather uncomfortable, and the heat was making his head kind of fuzzy. But then the first man was approaching him, equipment in hand, and as Roxas flinched away, he saw the other man smile at him kindly.

"Don't be scared, pretty one," he said softly, even as the first man began to scrub his body thoroughly with a soft, fresh-smelling soap. "We're just taking good care of you until the time is ready, okay?"

Roxas still whined as the man proceeded to wash _every _part of him, but he stood still. He shut his eyes and pretended it was just a normal day at the orphanage, like when Sora and he would take showers together and wash each other like brothers would. He wanted to obey. Be a good boy. Or else somebody would get mad at him, get rid of him. There would be no use struggling…so he stood there. Let them scrub him until his skin was raw and itchy. They rubbed shampoos and conditioners into his hair, using their nails to get even his scalp as clean as possible, lathering every strand of hair, even getting his face with a gentle type of soap that wouldn't burn his eyes so much.

It was humiliating.

Being washed like a child, as if he wasn't already grown, as if he had nothing to hide. Granted, it wasn't as though he was being molested… It was just that…somebody's hands were on him, handling him in a manner that he never wanted anybody to handle him in. The only person's hands he could ever accept were Sora's… Only Sora's.

Finally, he was taken from the showers and the larger of the men set about drying him with a large white towel. Even when he was dry, though, he was given no clothes. Instead, they wrapped the towel around his shoulders and sat him on the stool in front of one of the mirror's. Their hands were everywhere, flourishing so quickly, he couldn't keep track of what they were doing. All he knew was that scissors were snipping at his hair and something creamy was rubbing into his skin. What was this? He'd never had people be so…frank, so diligent with him. Never had people cared how he looked, made sure he was so spotless.

Because when he actually glanced up into the mirror, he could hardly recognize himself.

They had cut his hair into a style Roxas had seen many young men don on the streets. The same people that obviously had money. It was flattering, he supposed. Fluffy and soft in a way it had never been before, flaring out from his forehead. It was shiny, too. Like in commercials. He frowned at that. Sora had told him those commercials weren't real; nobody could look like that. But in a way…he almost did. His skin looked smooth and healthy. He couldn't tell that he had been freezing just minutes before, that he had been crying, that he had been pale as a ghost out of fear. He was…

"So pretty," the feminine man admired, placing a hand on his own cheek and staring at Roxas' reflection with some mixture of self-satisfaction and awe. "Now that you're all fixed up, I bet you'll sell even higher than I thought."

Sell?

He wasn't expecting chains. But regardless, they were clasped onto his wrists without hesitation, just like the rest of the boys, and without a single stitch of clothing on their bodies, they were again ushered into the hallway. So fast. How could everything be happening like this?

Wait…

He could hear noise…?

It was the sound of being on a busy street, but pressed together and muffled by the tightness of the walls around them. The murmuring was like buzzing, came from the end of the corridor. More people? Where were they going? Why were they here? What had Sora done?

They were brought to a large dark room, cluttered together, with a bright open space in front of them. Curtains to his right. Open space. A microphone. Yes, he could recognize the sound of a voice echoing unnaturally through the speakers. An audience. Yes, that would be the chattering. His eyes widened when he realized that the orphans were not the only ones here.

There were women too. Just as naked. Just as chained. He blushed furiously and tried to avoid staring, which wasn't too difficult. He was so embarrassed, he about fainted from the heat that rushed to his head. So many bodies, so much skin. It was too crowded… He was going to…

A hand, calloused and rough, grabbed his arm and suddenly jerked him from the rest of the crowd, drawing him forward. He caught himself, managed to compose himself…

Until he was led to that brilliant white light.

And all eyes were on him.

He immediately glued his eyes onto the floor - of a stage, he realized, as if he were some extraordinary spectacle. There was more noise. It had gotten louder. The voice in the mic, the voices from the crowd in front of him. Loud. So loud. Shouting, eager, flustered. A hand grabbed his chin and forced him to look up, but he fixated his gaze on the ceiling instead. He couldn't move any more than that. No more than his eyes. It wasn't physically possible. He shook and he ached as he trembled, and his eyes blinked repeatedly, subconsciously pressing tears back from his eyes. No, he couldn't cry.

Of everything that had gone by so quickly that night…it was those moments on that stage…

That felt eternal.

Suddenly, the noises silenced to an aggravated grumble, and hands were once again grabbing him, pulling him. From the stage. From the light. But he didn't return to the crowd of other young boys. Instead, he was taken out and dragged down the corridors again, led outside, thrown into the back seat of a car - literally, thrown. Roxas couldn't remember the last time someone had handled him so roughly.

He curled in on himself as the car started and began to move, huddled into as much of a ball as his body would allow and sat, cold and shaking and terrified. What the hell was happening to him?

This car ride was much shorter than the one in the back of the U-haul. In fact, he didn't even have time to drift into sleep, though his body was suddenly as heavy as a boulder, and every movement was like moving the earth itself. But whoever these people were didn't care much at all. He was yanked out of the car, and somebody was saying something he didn't bother to listen to, before he was forced to walk once more, still naked.

"For the young master, sir."

That was the man currently holding him, handing him over to somebody else. Roxas looked up, eyes wide at the man before him. A terrifying face. Marred with a thick scar right across his nose and blue hair falling around his head like a mane. He glared down at him as if he had no kindness at all in his soul. As if he had no soul.

"I see," was all he said before taking Roxas from the man and dragging him toward the house behind him.

If one could call it a house. It was larger than anything Roxas had ever seen, rivaling even business buildings with its flashiness. It was wide, three stories tall, made of smooth white stone and built with pillars and fixtures, beautiful and elegant designs. A mansion, like in the movies. Sora had told him…they were just like the beautiful models. They didn't really exist. Nobody actually owned one.

But this…it was right in front of him.

Inside was the same. The front room was so large, it was almost…unnecessary. Nothing but a wide open space with polished floors, open doors and lovely decorations, and a staircase that split up either side of the furthermost wall. It was to the staircases that the blue-haired man took him, choosing the right one and leading him up the steps without a word. On the landing, they turned right, took a corridor. Every door they passed was more expensive-looking than anything Roxas had ever touched in his entire life. It was all so imposing…so threatening… He wanted to curl up and die.

"Sit inside," he commanded, thrusting Roxas into one of the rooms.

He cried out when he hit the ground on all fours, unable to keep his balance. Trembling, he hurriedly crawled away from the man, cowering in any attempt to cover himself. But the man, awful as he was, did not come any closer. He simply glowered at him for another moment, and then slammed the door shut.

Alone.

It was better than being with such a terrible stranger, Roxas supposed, since today had been nothing but one harassment after another. Right now, maybe being alone wasn't such a terrible thing. Then again…ideally, he should have been with Sora… Like every other night since his life had become remotely good… Whimpering, he managed to sit upright and glanced around the room he had been thrust in.

A large wardrobe, a wide dresser, all remarkably beautiful for such simple pieces of furniture. At the orphanage, Roxas had shared all of his clothes with any of the boys who had fit his size. To be honest, when the laundry was done each week, he had no clue what sets of clothing he would receive that day. All of the clothes were set in the same dresser for each room, a room shared by six to twelve other boys. It was cramped and crowded, but it was the only way for them to be able to live like that together. But here, the wardrobe and dresser… that meant…

Roxas' eyes grew wide as he turned to look over his shoulder, and saw what he had been dreading: the bed.

He was beginning to understand…

Just why he was here.

The tears began spilling over before he could even register the thought. He knew. He _knew_ what was going to happen when the "young master" returned… But he couldn't think it. Something kept his mind from actually forming the words in his mind. If he did, he felt as though he might lose his grip on sanity. All he could think about was Sora, and he whispered to himself, over and over, until his throat burned.

"Sora…what did you do?"

Time passed, and he found himself beginning to ache on the floor. If he was going to be treated this way…if this was really going to happen… Whining, he rose unsurely and climbed atop the bed.

Despite himself, he gasped in awe at the silk beneath his bare skin. It was different than simply glancing past a woman with a silk scarf, letting it brush against his hand for just a moment so he could feel what it was like. This, feeling it touch him everywhere, was such a magical moment. It was soft and smooth and shiny… Trembling, he hunched himself into a little ball on his knees, not daring to sit any more comfortably than that, let alone lie down. All he could do was sit…and wait…and think…and try not to think…and wait…

And wait some more.

It was a kiss that woke him.

Roxas gasped at the foreign feeling, but didn't feel the need to jerk back, because the lips on his were moving away before he could fully register what was going on. Eyes wide, he stared at the face so close to his. More accurately, he found himself gazing at those eyes. Bright green, like the jewels Sora said could never _really_ be that shiny. But this man's eyes were. They were shiny and beautiful and _green_. Like a cat's.

And then the man was wiping at his cheeks with his thumb, and Roxas' senses switched to overdrive. He could feel how close the man was, could smell his sweet breath, feel long fingers in his hair and fingers brushing over his face. His face lit up instantly, red hot. This man… Such a kind gesture…an embarrassing gesture, but a kind one. So gentle and soft, collecting his tears with a touch lighter than a feather…

"Don't do that," he whispered, and Roxas shuddered instinctively. He was so close, so intimate… How could a stranger be so…caring? The fingers slid down his cheek suddenly, took hold of his chin and brought his lips up to touch the man's. Roxas couldn't help it. He was too tired to fight…too… He felt his eyes threaten to close, fluttering unsurely, and his body relaxed in the arms of this stranger… So unnecessarily kind… Lips pulled away just an inch. "I want to see that smile of yours…one day… What's your name then?"

Roxas opened his eyes and blinked at the man. He wanted his name? If he was here…for that…why? It was hard enough to recover from that kiss…Roxas' only kiss as far as he could remember. On the lips, at least. Sora had kissed him, of course. On the forehead, the cheeks. As a brother would, since they loved each other so much… The thought of Sora…

"Well?" the man suddenly teased, and strong nails suddenly grazed across the top of his scalp. It tingled and tickled and burned all at the same time, and Roxas shivered, not knowing how to respond. Another kiss. Light, quick. Over before Roxas even realized it had happened. He blinked up at the man, awestruck. "Can't you talk or do I get to name you myself?"

He wanted to answer…but his mouth wouldn't work. His _brain_ wouldn't work. He just sat and stared, not reacting again when the man kissed him once more and then drew away from the bed to retrieve a heavy key from the bedside table. Roxas blinked at it as Axel unlocked the chains on his hands and tossed the cuffs and the key back onto the table. As he strode smoothly to the dresser on the other side of the room, Roxas stared and took in every detail… He was a peculiar looking man. He wore jeans that made his legs look ridiculously long, and a hoodie that made his torso lean and his shoulders broad… His hands were well defined, with long fingers. He had a handsome face, too. Masculine, but boyish in a way that reminded him again of a cat, or maybe a fox. Narrow features that were striking and daring, and a shock of fabulous red hair that lay spiky and jagged past his shoulders. Two identical tattoos beneath his eyes, like black diamonds…but it was those eyes. They flashed in the light, grinned even if his lips weren't… They were mesmerizing.

He returned before Roxas knew it, with an oversized shirt that he suddenly thew over his head. For a moment, the world was dark, and Roxas could hear his heart thumping, and without warning, his voice found his throat.

"Roxas."

The shirt abruptly tugged over his head and floated into place around his body. It really was huge… He felt like a little mouse in it. But it covered him up, something he was immensely grateful for, even as he blushed bright. The man tilted his head at him curiously, smirking in a way that made Roxas squirm.

"What?" he asked, voice suddenly low and deep and…oh dear. Roxas turned away, growing hotter by the second. Why the hell did he have to sound like _that_? But those long fingers were at his chin, pulling his gaze back to that green one. He felt the hem of the shirt shift dangerously over his thighs as he twitched nervously in his grasp. "What did you just say?"

"My name…" he gasped, glancing away before looking back at the redheaded stranger. "Is Roxas."

"Roxas…" he repeated, and the blonde suddenly heard his name as an entirely different sound. With the drawn out "o" and the "xas" purred in such a way that crawled across Roxas' skin. The man suddenly grinned at him then, grabbed his hands and touched the tops of them with his mouth. Eyes wide. Cheeks red. Roxas stared. "Well, Roxas, it's a pleasure. I'm Axel, and I'd be delighted if you would share my bed tonight."

Roxas swore he felt his heart drop. Like a stone. Heavy. Hard. Oh, it ached, sitting there in his stomach, where it so obviously didn't need to be. How could this man…Axel…who treated him so kindly…ask such a terrible thing of him? How? Why? What was he going to do? Because he wouldn't…he couldn't… He felt like he was going to faint all over again.

"Because you look awfully tired," the stranger finished softly, and Roxas blinked at the smile gently lifting his lips. Was he… He wasn't going to…? "And my bed is quite comfortable."

Oh. He relaxed a little, but relaxing only made him start shaking again. All he knew was that he was safe… Safe for now, at least. Because of his man… This strange…stranger. Axel.

Who scooped him up so suddenly, as if he were nothing but ten pounds, and Roxas gasped and grabbed onto the nearest thing available to steady his heart: Axel's neck. When he was set down, it was on his back, and silk covers were drawn over his body immediately afterward. Roxas watched Axel as the man settled him down, watched the genuine affection gleam in those eyes. Yes, he knew it was genuine.

Roxas had known many cruel people in his life. He knew hatred when he saw it and knew how to differentiate it between disgust and how to tell the difference between annoyance and anger. He knew the line between uncertain and nervous, between fear and hesitance. And Roxas knew when someone's smile was real and when it was mocking or hesitant or simply fake. And Axel…well, Axel reminded him frighteningly of Sora. They could not have been more unalike. Axel was tall, lean, striking, as opposed to Sora, who was short and childish and playful. But then Axel leaned forward and pressed a kiss, so gentle and sweet and _real_, to his forehead.

Right where Sora had.

"Go to sleep, Roxas," he commanded gently, gazing down at him with those eyes that Roxas could simply not get over. And then Axel turned away, shut off the light, and disappeared from the room.

But Roxas didn't feel alone. He was…warm. Where he had only a little while ago been cold and empty… Roxas felt as though that lonely bit of him had suddenly been filled… Maybe it was his fear of accepting that he had been abandoned. Maybe it was him trying to be optimistic. Maybe it was because he had been forced to adapt so many times before that it came naturally. Maybe it was just because Axel reminded him a little bit of Sora and Sora was what he needed.

But Roxas found it easy to do what he did best, there in the dark, in the bed of a fabulously wealthy, handsome and kind stranger named Axel…

And he obeyed.

* * *

><p><strong>Yes, I just couldn't let them go. :3 Couldn't help it. So many people asked for more character development. Hopefully, this will be my way of giving it to you. If I fail, then...well, I'm sorry. : **

**After this (or possibly, during if I get too antsy), I'll be writing a drabble-sequel. Cute, fluffy, light-heartedness. :) Anywho. Review and all that. Not sure if I really captured the Roxas-vibe here. Buuut I guess you'll just tell me if I did or didn't. **

**AnimeCountDown**


	2. Nothing More, Nothing Less

Roxas felt warm.

Like any other day, snuggled in Sora's arms, prolonging the start of the day, being lazy. They would sleep in and get up at noon, eat waffles for lunch because it was really their breakfast, and rush to finish up their chores for the day together. And as soon as they were free from their obligations, they'd run to the park and become lost in the dazzling effects of the sunlight.

Except Sora didn't smell like Sora today. No, the body wrapped protectively around Roxas held a masculine scent that made Roxas blush with its muskiness, its inescapable classiness. It reminded him of business men who passed by on the streets, but enveloping him as it was, he found it filled his lungs like it never had before. It was a pleasant aroma, one that curled in his stomach and warmed him from the inside out. This body was longer, too. Leaner and stronger and older…

He expected the memories to hit him like a truck, but they didn't. They came slowly and calmly, and eased into his consciousness warily. By the time he was fully aware of what was going on - where he was and who he was with and why he was where he was with who he was with - the warmth of _his _presence was slipping from his arms. He didn't react as the man drew away from him, but couldn't help but smile softly as nimble fingers tucked the silk around his body tenderly and affectionately. Such an absurdly kind man, for not only a stranger, but a wealthy one at that. A stranger who, from what Roxas had gathered, had bought him for his body. Maybe…maybe he had been wrong?

He decided to turn over and watch the man - _Axel_, he reminded himself - as he moved to the dresser and went about getting dressed. It made him blush, of course, and he turned his eyes toward the floor until he was fairly certain Axel was decent. And when he was, Roxas sat up, blinking at the redhead as soon as he turned to see he was awake. His lips twisted upward in a sudden smirk, one both gentle and sly, and Axel stepped across the room right up to the edge of the bed, leaned over it, and kissed him just as he had the night before.

Roxas didn't know how to react, but he had a feeling he might not have pulled away, to be entirely honest… This man was different. So strange, but in a manner that made his insides flutter excitedly as they never had before. He made him warm with a single look, made him blush by uttering only a single sound… It was the kindness that Roxas truly appreciated. Such a night…such a day… Only a few rare people had ever taken the time to care for him as this man had. And with nothing else he could possibly do, Roxas knew he would have to repay the man for his kindness, in whatever way it might have been possible.

Yet, as all of this passed through his mind, Axel did not give him any time to react appropriately. He pulled away, smile still intact as he lifted a hand to touch Roxas' cheek, which became instantly hot and red.

"Go back to sleep, Roxas," Axel whispered, with that voice that made Roxas tremble. So unlike any of the young boys he had befriended at the orphanage. So…mature, experienced, strong. "I'm going to work, but you can stay here until I get back, okay? You'll stay for me, won't you?"

Roxas inhaled deeply, his heart pounding. _Yes_, something he could _do_. As lost as he had been, he could follow a command regardless of what it was. He knew how to obey, if nothing else. So he nodded determinedly and closed his eyes when Axel ruffled his hair playfully. He liked that feeling, of his hair being teased like that. It reminded him a little of…

But it was over so fast, and the warm feeling disappeared as soon as Axel began to walk away again. Roxas stared after him, not sure exactly what to think or how to feel. Was he supposed to want this man, to feel a stab of longing upon seeing him walk away? Maybe it could have been anyone… Maybe he was merely too dependent on people… He bit his lip, unsure as Axel shrugged on a dress shirt and began to button it carefully, slip on a tie and adjust it precisely. What else could he do? But let himself feel for this man what he had never felt for another?

Roxas sighed softly and lay back down, just as he had been told, and after watching Axel again for another second, forced his eyelids to close even if he wasn't so tired anymore. He'd admit, that he didn't really try to go to sleep, but instead listened to the sounds of Axel finishing dressing. He heard a door open - that one Axel had disappeared into last night - and then water running, probably in a sink. A bathroom? How peculiar, to have both a bedroom so large, all to one's self, and a private bathroom attached right to it as well! Maybe it was a normal thing for people of high standards… Did they not share anything?

Roxas lay obediently and listened some more, to the sound of Axel brushing his teeth, brushing his hair… He listened hard for anything he could identify, until Axel's footsteps crossed the room and the gentle click of a door latching into place. It was tempting, as soon as Axel was gone, to open his eyes again, but Roxas refused.

He was determined to lie there until he fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Roxas was surprised when he woke up, because he hadn't really remembered falling asleep in the first place. He had been so <em>awake<em>, lying with nothing to do for what had felt like hours, he'd felt as though he never would have fallen asleep again in his life. Yet, somehow he did.

And when Roxas opened his eyes and realized that _yes_, he had obeyed in every sense of the word, he was so enormously pleased that he grinned more widely than he had in weeks.

He turned over on his back, and very hesitantly, spread his arms and legs across the bed. With a frown, he realized he hardly even took up a portion of the gigantic mattress. Granted, he was rather small, but the excessive space only reminded him again of where he was and why. Sighing, he stared up at the ceiling, which was much too high and much too clean. He thought about the orphanage, wondered what was happening, wondered if anyone knew he was missing.

Wondered about Sora.

Roxas bit his lip to keep from crying again at the thought of him. Closing his eyes, he tried to sort through the mess of confusion and pain that abruptly clouded his mind. There was no way he was ever going to figure out anything if he just let all these emotions bombard him forever. Steadying his breathing, he opened his eyes again, a little calmer now, and reluctantly turned his focus on Sora.

Sora. Who had been like a brother to him ever since he had found him homeless and stranded in the alley by the orphanage. Sora had taken care of him… Had never lied to him, had fed him, had clothed him, had held him, had loved him… Had thrown him out of the orphanage in the pouring rain, and shipped him off to be sold. Had it been a mistake? Had everything Sora had done for Roxas and made Roxas feel been nothing but a lie?

If it had, it was a lie so convincingly played, Roxas couldn't bear consider his worries to be the truth. There was no possible way Sora would abandon him…was there? He _had_ been acting strangely the past few months. That light in his eyes had dulled to a faint glimmer. His laugh had become forced and awkward. His smile was off center, askew, and at times…Roxas had wondered if it had been real at all.

The blonde exhaled a long breath, adjusting his thoughts and feelings. If Sora had let him go, then he needed to move on. This had happened once before, so he could handle it again if he needed to. If his mother didn't want him, then fine - he wouldn't want his mother. And if Sora didn't want him…well…then fine… He just…wouldn't want Sora.

A new face came to mind. One handsome and daring. Thinking of his face alone made Roxas want to blush. Whining softly to himself, he turned over again so he now lay on his stomach and pressed his face to the plush pillows. They were so unlike the hard lumps of cloth at the orphanage. They were like clouds, like a pile of feathers, and gave way at his touch. And they smelled distinctly of _him_.

Roxas decided right then that he loved that smell.

* * *

><p>He wanted to wander. All his life, he'd been rather fond of wandering, or he supposed, more accurately, he'd been <em>good<em> at wandering. As something he did an often great deal of the time as a child, it was no wonder he now itched to be on the move, exploring and investigating. What was where and where was what? He was in new territory, and in order to survive, he needed to know his surroundings like the back of his hand. Which, to be honest, he didn't really know to well anymore considering how soft and clean it now was. Roxas blinked at his hands, turned them over and stared.

Yes, he supposed he'd be needing to get to know a lot more of everything. Everything about him until that point would vanish and the old Roxas - Roxas the abandoned orphan - would be no more. Now…he was Roxas… Roxas, Axel's…

He wrinkled his nose and turned his eyes to the ceiling again. Axel's… What was he to be to Axel? It was a question that needed answering. Or, maybe it didn't. Did it even matter? All Roxas knew was that he was in Axel's mansion, and he was simply Axel's. That was all they mattered. He was Axel's, and he would obey.

And obeying meant staying put.

But it was so difficult! He longed to climb from the bed and open the curtains to let the sunlight hit his face - how did he miss the sun, as though he had not felt it in days. It had certainly been long enough, and without the sun, he was as lost as a wolf without the moon. He pondered over how angry Axel might be if he returned to find that Roxas had disobeyed… Oh, it wasn't worth it. He never wanted to disobey Axel. Not if it meant he had to sit on that bed in the dark for the next thousand years. He could survive, so long as it meant Axel would be pleased with him. At this point, that was all that mattered. Roxas had been thinking on it all day, after all. With nothing but time to think, he was now confident and determined about his plan. A plan that involved Axel and nothing else.

When the door finally swung open, Roxas perked up in a befuddling mixture of anxiety and excitement. On one hand, his nerves were making his insides a mess, but then again, he had his plan… And how hard that plan was to remember when Axel stood before him, handsome and elegant, staring at him as though he had fallen from the sky. And then the man, red hair swishing, leaned back his head and laughed so hard, Roxas thought he might start crying. He flushed a brilliant scarlet and sank back onto his knees, playing with the shirt he'd been wearing all day with a timid frown. What had he done that amused Axel so?

"Have you been in here all day?" Axel suddenly asked him, calming down as he set down what he was carrying before crossing the room to the bed with long, purposeful strides. Roxas bit his lip, tried to avert his gaze a moment before rethinking the idea and glancing up at the man with a furious blush. He nodded, watching with wide eyes as the man cross his arms at him and tilted his head. "Why?"

At this, Roxas felt his frown grow deeper, and he had to resist the urge to glare at Axel. He let out a furious whine instead, pursing his lips as he answered with a pout.

"You told me to," he grumbled unhappily, eyes still cleverly avoiding Axel's.

"I see," Axel said softly, sounding so thoughtful, so intrigued, Roxas just has to sneak a peek at his fiery grin. "So you would do anything I said? What if I told you to kiss me, huh?"

It was certainly not what Roxas had been expecting Axel to say, and to be honest, the idea of it scared the shit out of him. Everything had the potential to frighten him at this point, he supposed, but still… To feel another's lips on his… Well, the only person who might have claimed that right would be Sora, and only in brief moments of brotherly affection. The thought of kissing Axel, when he had only shared such a precious moment with his brother… The paralysis slipped into his system before he could even permit it to, and only a fragment of his consciousness registered Axel's light chuckle and the swift movement of fingers tousling his hair as Roxas' brain worked at its fullest potential to comprehend and process what exactly was going on.

But then Axel was turning away from him. And Roxas knew that look of disappointment in his eyes, and it tore the fear right out of his heart. Yanked with it all his immobility and hesitance, left in its wake the resounding fortitude and fierce determination to _obey_ and to _please_. Axel, who has shown him kindness, wanted only a single kiss. How harmful could such a thing be? It was surely not an evil or wrong thing - not if Sora would kiss him. If Sora did it, Roxas could assure himself that a kiss was okay… He could give Axel a simple kiss.

Well, he could give Axel a _kiss_.

There turned out to be nothing simple about it. Overcome by panicked instinct, he grabbed a hold of the front of Axel's shirt and pulled as hard as he dared. He could not help but gasp softly in surprise, as Axel swung back around much easier than he anticipated, and in that discovery, he also found that it was not quite as difficult to find Axel's mouth, to fit his own against it, as he had feared. In fact, it happened so fluidly, so flawlessly, Roxas almost didn't realize what was happening until his body decided to react.

Hot. Heat swarmed every miniscule part of his body, leaving him no room to breath or think or participate in anything that would remotely distract him from that kiss. How that kiss consumed him, like a fire in need of kindle, like the ocean fueled by the storm, and Roxas let it take over him without worrying the consequence. No, he forgot what it meant to fear, and let himself melt into the sensations of a hard body pressing against him, open mouth awaiting his entrance. Bolder than he had ever dared, Roxas crossed the line that separated their lips, prodded Axel's teeth and tongue with his own. He had never done such a promiscuous thing, but in that moment, Roxas felt like a puppet doing as its strings commanded. There was no reason not to, and it felt so right. If he could feel such immense pleasure in such a thing, how then could Axel object?

When long fingers abruptly gripped his hips, a shock of anxiety shot through Roxas - would Axel pry him away? Had he only been joking when he had requested the kiss? But no, he was suddenly closer to Axel than he had yet been, and lips were closing around his tongue, still wandering curiously in Axel's mouth. Oh, what a strange feeling! The pressure of Axel sucking right there was so peculiar, but it made each of his nerves weak with delight. A noise he had never heard before crawled its way from his throat, sounding all the world like such a pitiful, helpless thing, and Roxas flushed brightly in embarrassment at having emitted such an awful whimper.

But Axel didn't seem to mind. He continued to deepen the kiss, easily overcoming Roxas' initial dominance with his own, and on top of that, _touching_. If there was any one thing Sora had been adamant about at the orphanage, it was that hands were to stay where hands belonged. It was one of those weird complexes Sora had developed over the last couple years, and he had been furious in protecting Roxas from any wandering hands - including Sora's. Yet, there was no Sora to stop Axel's fingers from slipping over the hem of the t-shirt and running along the backs of Roxas' thighs, caressing so softly, it was almost as if the touch were a figment of imagination. He stroked so tenderly, up and down…up and down…ah, Roxas could hardly think straight. He thought he might have stopped responding to the kiss entirely by the time he regained his senses.

Because Axel's hands were suddenly on his hips again, and lips were suddenly leaving his. Roxas gasped, blinked a couple of times. He could hardly remember where he was or why - all he knew was that he didn't want that kiss to end. It was one of the most unbelievable things he'd ever experienced. How was it a single soul could make him feel so…warm? Alive? Perfect?

"Thank you," Axel grunted, and Roxas felt his face grow hot again. What an embarrassing thing to say! But still…even though it made him feel awkward and unsure, he could not help but smile with pride. Axel suddenly started slipping away from him, toward the bathroom at the corner of the room. "I'm going to take a shower. You can go out and find your room. Just ask whoever you find first and they'll take care of you, okay?"

Roxas stared, wide-eyed as Axel backed away, wishing that he wouldn't leave him sitting there again. But even though he seemed to linger, hesitate at the door, he eventually turned and disappeared, shutting the door quietly behind him with a click that summoned silence.

Yet, Roxas felt just as clueless as the first time. He'd been given a relatively clear command, but more anxiety bubbled in his chest at the thought of venturing from the safety of Axel's room. As he heard the water begin to run in the bathroom and decided he should just climb off the bed and do as he was told, he was struck with the reminder of how large the mansion had been when he'd arrived. Was he to explore it on his own? He would surely get lost! Maybe Axel would take him when he finished with his shower…? But Roxas didn't want to disappoint or annoy Axel. He should just leave, like Axel wanted, and wander about until someone found him…

Oh, he'd never felt so torn! He was terrified - both of upsetting Axel and of obeying his wishes! He fidgeted and squirmed and twitched, chewing on his bottom lip and fiddling with his fingers as his eyes darted from one door to another. How was he to decide what to do?

Before he knew it, though, the door was swinging open and Axel was entering the room again. Roxas felt his eyes grow large as he took in the sight of him… He'd seen naked boys before, at the orphanage. With so many boys to bathe and cloth, it wasn't exactly uncommon. But none of them looked like _that._ Axel was shaped like a god. He was lean, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist, finely accentuated by muscles that put the bodies of Greek heroes to shame. It didn't help that it was glistening with miniscule drops of water, of course. Towel slung carelessly around his hips, hair slicked back from his face and pressed flat along the ridge of his spine. Roxas shivered, trying to move his eyes as Axel strode across the room, lips upturned softly. He felt…dirty, watching the man like that…

"You know, I'm about to change," he warned over his shoulder, and it was like someone had pinched him right out of his daydreaming. With a startled squeak, he dove hastily into the pile of sheets beneath him, burrowing into them until he was sure there was no way Axel could ever think he was trying to peek. No more than a few moments later did he hear Axel laugh again and call out, "Hey, come on! Let's go get you fixed up, Roxas."

He assumed this meant it was now safe to look and did so by raising the covers away from his eyes so he could see Axel. He was standing there, fully dressed now, hands shoved into the pockets of jeans, a black t-shirt hugging his torso generously. It was strange to see him in such casual clothing. Before, Roxas might have guessed Axel to be in his late twenties, but dressed like this…well, he almost looked like a teenager. He was much less…imposing. With a deep breath, Roxas hurried off the bed as quickly as he could without getting caught in the sheets and rushed over to Axel's side. He had to look up when he came too close, in order to look Axel in the eye. Standing side by side that way…it was a nice feeling. He'd always felt small compared to others, but none of the taller kids at the orphanage had ever made him feel protected like Axel did. Another kind smile, a warm tousling of his hair… Roxas liked this new feeling.

Axel had no trouble navigating the winding corridors outside his room. It was peculiar that Roxas found this surprising - no doubt, it was Axel's home. But following close behind Axel, to wherever it was they were going, only made Roxas want to stay with him even more. It only made him even taller. More handsome. It only made him safer. It only made Roxas want to be held by those arms, to be stolen by those lips once more. It only made him lose himself in this new world oh so quickly.

It only made him descend farther and deeper into the pits of what he knew not yet was love.

* * *

><p><strong>I know this is later than I promised (I have a relatively fair excuse) and much shorter than the first chapter. However, after being consumed by Memoirs of a Geisha and Frankenstein, I feel as though my writing style has been influenced slightly... I was re-reading and editing, and I realized that much of this is very poetic. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. It was a pleasant twist. I want to make the difference between Axel and Roxas very distinguished, so maybe I'll give Roxas that gentle, poetic POV. Innocent and naive and marveling at every little thing. I think I like that. <strong>

**Anywho, I will explain my absence. Basically...school. I had to write a mid-term paper. It was awful. I had to find a reoccurring theme in the Garden of Eden narrative (in Genesis of the Bible), Beowulf, and the Faerie Queene and talk about how that was significant to both the authors and the readers of each work... -_- It sucked. But I got a 90 on it! Not so bad. THEN I had to write my senior research paper (and my friend's...because he's a lazy bum, an awful writer, and he paid me in artwork...) about why teachers should be paid based on performance, not experience (my friend's was on ending school suspension...I about killed him because I disagree with that, but I'm a boss and pulled it off). THEN I had to write a bunch of Santa letters for kids in my creative writing class. THEN I had to work on my college applications and scholarships (granted, the only college I applied to doesn't require an essay...I'm pretty sure I'm going to be accepted). THEN I spent an entire week dedicating my life to my performing arts teacher. We put on White Christmas, and as an extra (vocal and acting), I had to attend all the rehearsals and each performance. That was literally every day for a week until anywhere from 5:00-11:00 at night. Then, Tri-M put on a Broadway Review Night and I worked all day backstage (my major in college next year will be Theatre Arts - Stage Management, by the way :D). Then today, I had to sing my Christmas Honors Vocal solo at the Festival of the Trees thing that goes on every year. Plus, my little sister is dealing with a psychotic bully who literally jumped her at school and tried to beat her up (the girl doesn't hit hard, so it was kind of a fail). On top of that, my family has been packing up the house because we're moving. And all of this has been going on within a two-three week period. So. I've been KIND of busy. :) But I brought you this! **

**Review, please. :3**

**AnimeCountDown**


	3. Planets in Orbit

When Axel had suggested that he get Roxas fixed up…well, Roxas hadn't really known what he'd meant. He knew, in a general sense, what it was to be _fixed up_, but it had never been much of an experience for him, and surely anything he knew about it would be entirely different from what Axel had in mind. And of course, it certainly was.

At the bottom of the double-grand staircase were many corridors, but Axel led down a single one that ended abruptly at a lone, plain door, which Axel knocked on quickly and surely with his knuckles. Roxas huddled close to Axel, not sure what else to do, until the door swung open to reveal a beautiful young woman with deep red hair. She blinked in surprise at Axel, and she glanced at Roxas, too, but the blonde turned away to hide as soon as she did. His heart was beating madly against his chest, and he closed his eyes tight, when suddenly he heard his name. He blinked, jerked his head up, and peeked cautiously around at the woman. She stared back at him with a hesitant smile, and offered her hand to him. He was so damn frightened, he could only blink at it stupidly. The girl withdrew and tilted her head, addressing Axel with her next words.

"Is he okay? He seems a little…off…" Roxas blushed at the embarrassing statement and tried to hide again behind Axel.

"He's just shy," Axel said, and then he turned right around and Roxas turned his blue eyes up to gaze at Axel. There was another one of those smiles, and Roxas huddled nearer to him instinctively. He didn't want to go with anyone other than Axel. "Come on, Roxas. Kairi's going to take good care of you. I've got a bit of work to do, so she's going to look after you for a while. You don't need to be afraid of her, alright?"

No, it _wasn't_ alright. Roxas couldn't believe it! He was being thrown from one pair of arms to another! But staring up at the man, Roxas knew it would be impossible to refuse any of Axel's wishes. Following orders was what he was built to do, and Axel had shown him such charity already. It wasn't his responsibility to take care of him…was it? And he had work to do! Roxas surely didn't want to bother him or get in his way. That wouldn't help his chances of making sure he stayed in the mansion, and wasn't thrown off into the streets. As Axel sighed tiredly and touched his head again, fingers slipping through his hair, Roxas lowered his gaze.

"Okay…" he breathed, and with every bit of power he knew how to wield, he forced himself to release Axel's shirt from his grip. Then he stood awkwardly, not sure what to do, or maybe just too scared to do what he figured he should.

"I'll be back, Roxas," Axel suddenly promised, and Roxas glanced up just in time to see him grin and flash a wink so provocative, the blonde's face lit up in a second. "I'll call you."

He slipped around Roxas then and walked away. And he didn't look back when he did.

* * *

><p>They were all utterly gorgeous. Roxas had never before seen such pretty women, except maybe in magazines or on TV, but Sora always said it was lighting and makeup and computers that made the girls so attractive. They weren't really all that flawless.<p>

But as the crowd of women swarmed him after Axel left him in their hands, he was consumed by their unnatural beauty. Smooth, creamy skin rubbed against him and soft, silky hair tickled his face. Dazzling white smiles shone before him, and crystalline blue eyes gazed at him from all directions. They were chattering to one another eagerly, giggling and murmuring. Roxas could hardly focus on one conversation. Swept up in the whirlwind of laughter, he was becoming dizzier by the second.

"Girls, girls!" one of them suddenly called out, and her companions miraculously hushed. Roxas blinked, regained his senses as she came into view and placed her hands on his shoulders. The one who had answered the door. "You okay, little guy?"

It was bizarre that she was taller than Roxas, but she was, just by a little. Steady and strong, exuding a solid confidence Roxas had not known a woman could have. Girls at the orphanage were either timid or brash - one extreme or another, but always insecure. But this girl, with her heart-shaped face and wide blue eyes, dark red hair framing her pretty smile, was as self-assured as Sora - possibly more so. Stunned, he nodded blankly in her direction.

"Good. Well, I'm Kairi," she introduced, taking her hands from his shoulders and placing them on her hips. "You're Roxas, right?"

Again, slowly, he nodded. This made Kairi smile even more.

"Well…I can't say we were expecting _you _to show up one day, but you're tiny enough, so I think we can manage to put you in some decent clothes," she said, and Roxas couldn't tell if she was speaking to him or the rest of the girls or herself. Unsure, he didn't respond. Merely stared. "First things first! How about a bath?"

* * *

><p>At first, Roxas wanted to protest. He felt cleaner than he had in ages! There was no need to waste precious water or soap on him when he was already dirt-free. But no words, regardless of how loudly he thought them, ever found his throat as Kairi ushered commands to the other women, then took his hand and led him further into the room.<p>

Which he discovered was actually a series of rooms. The first was a large, spacious living area. There was a long white couch with not a stain on it, and a scattering of colorful beanie chairs Roxas had seen in stores. A television as large as a bed was set up against one wall and stacks of magazines and shelves of books lined the walls. In the next room, Roxas saw a sewing machine, a couple computers as impressive and shiny as the TV, a guitar and keyboard, and other miscellaneous items he'd never had the privilege of seeing up close and person. As they walked, Roxas caught glimpses of a laundry room and a kitchen, too. It was a house within a house!

Roxas felt his head spin as Kairi led him into the bedroom, and he was bewildered to find a familiar sight. Bunk beds. There were six of them, set up along the walls, all neatly made, most of them personally dressed. Granted, Roxas was more accustomed to seeing beds crammed together, but in a way, he was relieved. He'd been expecting each girl to have a bed as large as Axel's.

The bathroom, however, was rather…

Well, it was enormous. Roxas felt his jaw drop as Kairi brought him inside. The walls and tiles were extravagant shades of gold and bronze. A long sink sat along one wall, faucets gleaming, a collection of powders and bags and brushes arranged neatly on the counter. A walk-in shower was to his left, and within a small extra room beyond that revealed a toilet. A toilet! Who would have ever thought? A room _inside _a bathroom just for a toilet! But Kairi was walking to their right instead, where the largest tub he'd ever seen sat waiting to swallow him up. Roxas stared at it. It had three different faucets, a series of tiny holes in the sides, and a small remote sat on the counter that held the tub against the corner of the wall.

"It takes a little bit of time to fill up, but nothing feels better than soaking in here after a hard day," she was saying, fiddling with the knobs. Water came rushing out, gushing into the tub so rapidly, Roxas shrank back a little. Kairi didn't notice. She was crossing the bathroom to a large brass cabinet, which held as many bottles as an aisle of the grocery store. Roxas watched, lips parted, as she picked some out and returned to him and the tub. While she set them up, she instructed, "You've got shampoo and conditioner for your hair. Soap and a washcloth for the rest of you. And you don't have to use it, but if you pour a little of this in the water, it makes it all soft and bubby. It's so relaxing."

Hands on her hips, she sighed and turned back to Roxas. They stared at each other for a long moment. And rather than become warm and uncomfortable under her gaze, Roxas was overcome with an abrupt sense of calm. Of…release.

He didn't realize he was crying until Kairi came to him and wrapped him up in a hug so soft, so kind, Roxas hiccupped a choked sob and gave up trying to keep the tears back. She stroked his back lovingly and swayed him gently back and forth as he trembled and cried without a care. He felt not embarrassment or anger or fear. It all just came pouring out, and he clutched to Kairi's shirt and let himself be comforted by her.

"It's the first day that's the worst," she whispered to him, and Roxas shuddered to hear the hardened pain laced through the strength in her voice. "It'll get easier. I promise."

Slowly, Kairi ended her embrace, and Roxas quickly wiped at the tears streaking his face. He squared his shoulders, lifted his chin, and met her smile with one of his own.

"There you go," she breathed, before moving for the door quickly. But Roxas could have sworn her eyes gleamed with a wetness that had not been there before. "You go ahead and relax. We'll try to find some clothes for you. Towels are over in the cabinet. Just relax, sweetie."

She left him alone after that, but unlike the other times, he no longer felt the weight of loneliness.

* * *

><p>Kairi was right. Taking a bath <em>could <em>be relaxing. When he was very young, it had always been a luxury, but at the orphanage, it had become a chore. He had had five minutes to wash himself and get out - often times, he wasn't given any soap to use, either to make sure he didn't take too long or because the orphanage didn't have any to give. He would just use the water as best he could. Never had he dreamed of sitting in a tub of hot water that could easily fit five of him, resting his head against a cushion and soaking up the sweet perfume Kairi had offered to add to the water.

It had, indeed, made the water frothy and gentle, smelling of something precious and exotic. Just the scent of it made him sink in pleasure, but as it crept through his pores to his very bones, it eased every fright-strained, stress-pulled muscle as well.

He didn't know how long he sat there, lost in the abrupt realty of fantasies he had dared not ever fancy. Eventually, curiously, he took hold of the shampoo and conditioner - a curious new addition to his vocabulary - and placed each beneath his nose to inhale experimentally. Oh, how heavenly! Fresh, natural, delicious. He used both lightly, not wanting to waste any of it. Using the amount he did was enough to make him feel spoiled. Especially the conditioner! It was thick and creamy, unlike the thinner shampoo. But it made his hair so sleek and soft!

He scrubbed himself with the soap a bit more generously, becoming fascinated by the feeling of rubbing even the most miniscule pieces of dirt from his skin. It was strange to know just how clean he could become. He took the time to clean behind his ears, under his nails, beneath his arms, between his legs. Scrubbing until he became pink and raw.

And as he cleaned himself, he let his mind wander. He carefully let himself think about Sora and the orphanage - which was becoming easier and easier the more often he did it. And he thought about Axel, and his kindness, and how it so greatly contrasted with the suspicious manner in which Roxas had arrived at the mansion. He wondered about Kairi, and the pain hiding in her fortitude, of the other pretty women, and how she had called Axel "Master". Master Heart. Axel Heart. He thought about that, too. Just because he liked the way it sounded.

By the time he climbed out of the bathtub, the water had become chilly. He wasn't sure if he was to drain the water - it seemed like such a waste to do so - but he couldn't figure out how, so he had to leave it anyway. He found the towels and wrapped himself inside one's fluffy white exterior. Grabbing up the shirt Axel had given him, he shuffled out of the bathroom, peeking around the door. The bedroom was empty, save for the beds and a pile of clothes sitting neatly on the mattress nearest to him.

Roxas stared for a moment at the clothing, before inching forward and gingerly lifted the article on top of the pile. A plain black t-shirt with an elegant, abstract design in white. The cloth below it was a tan color, most like khaki pants. As far as he could tell, they were clothes for a boy, and he assumed they were the clothes Kairi had promised.

For a moment, donning the outfit made him nervous, because he had no undergarments to put on first. But he had no choice and slipped into the clothes anyway. The pants actually fit, though they felt more form-fitting than anything he'd ever worn before - though he'd always worn hand-me-downs, and everyone older was always much bigger. Actually, lots of younger guys were much bigger, too. The shirt was nice and loose, smelled clean, like a store.

Lips trembling, he held Axel's shirt up and ran his fingers over it in quiet contemplation. He had said he would come back for him… He wouldn't lie to Roxas.

But maybe Roxas had not pleased Axel. Maybe he had been too boring. Maybe he was no good at kissing. Maybe he had not been obedient enough. Maybe Roxas wasn't worth it.

He sighed and plopped onto the bed face first, burying his nose into Axel's shirt. He inhaled deeply and released a breath that made his body shudder. Axel would come for him. He would. Roxas would believe in Axel and wait patiently, obediently for his return.

* * *

><p>When Roxas awoke, it was to the giggling of girls , and while he was surprised at first, the events of the day before came to him again, calmly and rationally. Cheeks turning pink, he cracked open his eyes experimentally.<p>

Only to shut them again twice as quick. Dear god! Surely, he had never been intended to see such…well, private things. Men, he supposed he could handle - so long as they never looked like Axel, of course. But a woman…? Her body belonged to herself! To see it was humiliating, and Roxas found that he wanted no part in it at all. So he waited there, still and silent until he heard the sound of the girls faded to another room. Very carefully, he dared to open his eyes again.

"You really are innocent, aren't you?" a voice suddenly sliced open the silence, and Roxas jumped so bad, he swore his heart would be bruised from slamming into his ribs. Shrinking into his covers, he tried to ignore the twinkling laughter that followed him. "You don't have to hide. We're not embarrassed if you see us or anything…so you don't have to feel ashamed. We know you're not just trying to get a peek. If we did, we would've found somewhere else for you to sleep… You're Roxas, right?"

As the girl had spoken, Roxas had found the courage to slowly exhume himself from the bedcovers. When he saw her, he found himself heavily surprised. Why, she was tinier than he was! Granted, she _was_ a girl, but even compared to lithe Kairi, this young woman could have easily passed for a young _girl_. Her waist was ridiculously small, and she was short on top of that, with a round face and childish grin. Black hair curled around her face, cropped close to her head, so shiny it might have almost looked oily. And her eyes were nearly perfectly round.

"I'm Xion," she greeted with a cheeky smile, plopping down on his bed. She laughed when he shifted away from her on instinct, but suddenly her smile became a little more serious. She looked older with the light gone from her blue eyes. "We all know you're really scared, but it can't be helped… And we just wanted to let you know, that if anyone could have bought you, you should just be glad Master Heart did. He's very…good to us. Considering the life most girls…and, and boys, like us live…this one is _very_ luxurious. None of us expected this when we decided to…well, _sell our souls_, you could say."

Roxas stared at her as she spoke, gathering her words with wide eyes and parted lips. So it _was_ true. Axel had…_purchased_ him. Biting his bottom lip unsurely, Roxas sat up so his legs were off the bed, right beside Xion. She wore simple clothing. A short-sleeved grey hoodie and shorts that exposed tiny legs. He raised his eyes to hers, and they shared a moment similar to the one he'd had with Kairi last night.

"You must be really special," Xion sighed, scratching the back of her head, almost as though she wasn't sure if she should be saying what came from her mouth. Roxas tilted his head, but she explained before he could ask, "Master Heart usually…no…he never brings home boys. You're the only one. Even if you do look kind of innocent and feminine…you're the only male. So, I guess that makes you special."

Roxas stared at the ground in front of them. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer Xion or think about what she had said. So, instead, he sat in silence and absorbed her words without really interpreting them - he would do that later. And he turned to look at Xion, found her watching him, and discovered he felt no urge to blush in embarrassment.

"Yep," she said, twisting her lips to the side in a sort of contemplative smile. "I think you are. I can see it in your eyes. Special kid."

She stretched and lifted herself to her feet. They made a subdued pattering sound as she padded across the fluffy carpet floor, and despite himself, Roxas couldn't help but compare the sound to that of rain on a distant rooftop. Like being two stories below the roof, but still able to hear the drops as they struck the tin roof. It was like that. And for some reason, that simply beautiful, muffled sound made him open his mouth and call out to her.

"But we have the same eyes," he said quietly, and even though he felt as though he'd mumbled weakly, she still stopped at the doorway. When she didn't move, didn't speak, didn't even turn to look at him as though he was crazy, Roxas continued after swallowing his doubt. "You all do, I mean. We all have the same eyes, I think. So…that means all of you are special, too."

She still didn't respond for a few seconds, and Roxas worried that maybe he had said something that had upset or offended her.

But then Xion turned around, her round face made younger by a smile as cheerful as Christmas lights in a dead cold winter. It was a smile he could not deny made his own lips turn up, regardless of his fears. And when she beckoned to him from the doorway, he bit his lip and followed her with that same smile. She grinned up at him, because she was, surprisingly, a bit shorter than he was, and nudged him playfully. He could tell, she was much younger than Kairi, whether by age or experience.

"How does breakfast sound, hm?"

* * *

><p>When he and Xion entered the kitchen, there wasn't even a moment of hesitation from any of the other girls waiting for them. In fact, the bustle that filled the room left no place for awkward pauses or curious stares. Rather, they were giggling and chattering already, like Roxas had seen normal girls do on the street. As if nothing were abnormal about the situation they were all in. They were setting the table and cooking at the stove and pouring drinks.<p>

When Kairi saw him, she greeted him with a joyful smile and directed him to the table with a large set of silverware, and with maternal instinct, commanded that he and Xion finish setting everything up for them. He obeyed quietly, watching the rest of the girls with wide-eyed interest, as soon as Xion had shown him the correct way to place the forks and knives and spoons. He watched as they interacted and found it strange. From what he'd gathered, these girls had only a thing or two in common, and it was peculiar that such things could bring anyone together - in fact, he found it made him rather uncomfortable.

But then food was brought to the table and every plate was filled. Eggs. Bacon. Sausage. Pancakes. Waffles. Bagels. Toast. Oatmeal. Biscuits. Bananas. Blueberries. Orange juice. Milk. It was an entire buffet! Roxas wasn't even sure where to begin with his plate and picked around it for a great deal of the time as the others began to dig in. Eventually, he gathered the courage to imitate what he saw the others do, and shoveled in a large forkful of eggs and some type of bread - there was so much of it and he could hardly tell the difference anyway.

He, of course, wasn't able to finish all of it - it was amazing that any of the girls could, and quite a few of them did. How they remained so tiny, he was at a loss to figure out. But they scraped their plates clean, while his remained half full.

He hated to waste any of it, but when he expressed his concerns to Kairi, she assured him not to worry and showed him where he could keep the leftovers in convenient plastic containers - leftovers, a notion he had never humored. Then he was shown how to load the dishwasher, another magical instrument he'd never seen before.

Roxas tagged along with the girls to the living area, where they set him on a little bean bag chair - which he sank into with delight - in the corner. He watched, wide-eyed and mesmerized, as they worked as a team to shove the couch and any other obstacles in the room up against the wall. Once the room was cleared, they rolled out a collection of spongy mats - like the bean chairs, each was a different color. Someone flipped on the television, and within seconds, it was playing upbeat, simple music. All as one, they each settled on the mats and began to move at the same time. Bending their bodies in one position after another, in ways bodies should not have been able to contort, they twisted and turned and flexed.

Roxas watched them perform these things for possibly an hour or more. At one point, Kairi invited him to join, but he declined hastily with large eyes and a whimper. She giggled a little, but left him alone until they were finished. The session was followed by a snack of a special drink Kairi created in the blender, and a piece of fruit for each of them. Without him having to ask, Xion explained the drinks were full of protein and vitamins, to make sure their metabolism didn't crash. Roxas wasn't sure what a metabolism was, but he drank the drink anyway.

Everybody dispersed after this. He wandered about while each of the girls preoccupied themselves with something different, and he began to learn what it was everyone did in their spare time. The extra room with all the random items was soon full and brimming with art. One girl at an easel. Xion with her guitar and another one, a bit taller, at the keyboard just by her. The sewing machine was Kairi's, and she looked to be in the middle of a big project. There was another few clustered around a bookshelf, either scribbling away or flipping to a dog-eared page in a worn and weathered book. Soon, everyone was busy and quiet and lost in their thoughts, too immersed in their tasks to pay any mind to the blonde boy lost among them.

After looking about for just a while, he gave up on the feeling of finding anything to do, and Roxas placed himself into a corner, on a little bench with a pretty white cushion, and set about watching.

And waiting.

And watching.

For hours, he sat, eyes scanning the room. Everyone remained so adamantly dedicated to what she was doing, Roxas would bet they were each in a different world. No eyes strayed. Fingers didn't wander. For hours, he saw garments sewn, tailored, and mended. For hours, he saw strings and keys tuned and notes scribbled and harmonies composed. For hours, he saw songs choreographed, poems perfected, and novels completed. For hours, he watched and saw and waited.

And waited.

* * *

><p>He woke unaware, again, that he had drifted off. It was late, and the room had mostly cleared, but one girl lingered, just before his eyes. Startled, he moved to jump back, but stopped himself. Her gaze, impeccably blue, nailed him in place with a sense of such unapproachable, unreadable calm, Roxas could only stare. She stared back, with hardly any of the fascination Roxas felt - at least, she didn't look fascinated. Rather, her expression was so fixedly, perfectly blank, he wondered a moment if she was feeling anything at all. Her eyes were wide and impossible, all-knowing and silent. All of her features were picture perfect in such a serene, elfin way, she hardly looked real. Feathery white-blonde hair, paler than his own, drifted to her shoulders gently as if caught in a light and unmoving breeze, framing her milky face. She was smaller than Kairi, though not as petite as Xion. Fragile. Breakable. Beautiful.<p>

Like glass.

"You're Roxas," she said suddenly, in a precious voice that tinkled like chimes made of crystal. Roxas blinked at her. Why would she say such a silly, obvious thing? She blinked back at him. "I'm Naminé."

"Oh," was all he thought to say. She had already made it known he needed no introduction, so he was at a loss. But, recently, being lost was something he was growing increasingly comfortable with. "Hi."

She smiled then, a smile as light and radiant as sunshine at dawn. Pale blue sunshine, laced with pastel purples and pinks, frosty and coated with fresh morning dew.

"Hi," she returned, and Roxas felt the cords of muscles in his back and neck slowly unwind. Before he could respond, though, she was holding out to him a long object.

A notebook.

But not any notebook. A notebook full of blank white sheets, bound together by silver metal rings at the top edge. He blinked down at the page the sketchbook had been flipped to. Brilliant colors filled the white, and it took him a moment to register the elegantly curving lines, the carefully shaded sections. The series of round ovals that he suddenly realized were eyes, and the jagged lines both harsh and soft that he knew was hair. Spiky hair. Hair colored in yellow, and the eyes were blue, like the water reflecting a perfect sky. A soft face. An innocent face, with a small nose and a small mouth. A thin neck sweeping out prettily into lithe shoulders, shaded the perfect combination of pale pink and beige.

"I have one of everyone," Namine explained in a voice so meek and so self-assured, Roxas had no idea what to call it. "But yours was particularly fun to do."

"It's…amazing," Roxas breathed, feeling a soft mist creep across his vision, making it difficult to see. He blinked back the tears hastily, turning away his head in embarrassment at his sudden sentimentality.

"Thank you," Namine said simply, moving to perch lightly on the seat beside him. Her gaze was fixed on the drawing she held out in front of them, and he wondered if it was coincidence or if she was sparing him a moment to collect himself. "I try my best, but I've discovered I can't take full credit. My best ones always require the most beautiful people as models."

"Oh!" Roxas breathed, eyes widening. It snapped the tears right back with surprise, and he went to shake his head quickly. "I'm not beautiful or anything; I-"

"You are," she said abruptly, a powerful ring silencing him as she cut her eyes to his. Something in her unreadable expression made his stomach sink slowly and painfully, dragging his throat down with it. "Why do you think you're here?"

His cheeks flamed and he cast his gaze to the floor. He remembered the stage and the lights and the bare chill of nakedness, and he remembered Axel and his kind smile and the warmth of his embrace in sleep. The recent memories muddled his judgment, but each of his interactions with Kairi, with Xion, now with Naminé, cut through his confusion and provided a light of undeniable clarity. He knew precisely why he was here. But there were gaps in his certainty that pressed to his consciousness.

Why had Sora wished this? Why did the orphanage send boys off to be sold anyway? How was this legal? How was it possible? Why had Axel bought him? Why? Why-if he was so kind, so gentle, so…why?

"It'll get better," Namine murmured, so softly, if the room had not been empty, Roxas might not have heard her. He glanced up to catch her closing her sketchbook gingerly. "But that - why you're here - never changes."

Roxas inhaled slowly as she stood and walked to the doorway. She paused a moment there, hand set on the frame as if to support herself, as if weakened by her own thoughts. And in the silent moment passed between them, Roxas released his breath and wondered if Naminé had been speaking for Roxas' benefit, or for her own.

But then Naminé took back her hand, taking her time, as if to tell him something, because he knew she could feel his eyes. But it was a message he couldn't decipher, couldn't even tell whether it was good or bad. And then she walked away, floating gracefully out of sight, and left Roxas alone to contemplate both her thoughts and his own.

* * *

><p>They took showers together. They ate together. They shopped together. They literally did everything together as a group.<p>

Roxas watched the way they interacted through every meal and the hours that stretched impossibly between them. Like the planets in orbit, everything was always set in motion, perfectly in synch, absolutely in harmony. Nothing ever seemed out of place and nobody ever allowed discord.

Of course, Roxas was not sure where his place was in their little galaxy, not sure if there was even one available for him. Mostly, he just watched, because he hadn't a clue what else to do.

And because, he was really just waiting. There was a part of him that was entirely unconcerned and uninterested in the girls. They were nice and friendly and beautiful, but they weren't…well, Axel. There was no getting around that. As the minutes lingered and the seconds clung to his skin in desperate refusal to pass, Roxas became more and more anxious. Every moment, he expected Axel to come back knocking like he promised - but he never did.

So Roxas just waited, and slipped in and out of orbit as best he could manage without disrupting their system. They had a particular schedule he quickly picked up on. A big breakfast, their weird stretchy thing - he soon found out from Xion was called yoga, which they used to stay flexible and "toned", as Xion put it - followed by that same snack every day. Then everybody split up to do what they wanted until they congregated for lunch, which was mostly a lot of sandwiches and fruits and veggies that actually crunched when he sank his teeth into them - he was astounded by how the food tasted here, when it was good and fresh and ripe. After their lunch, they did something together. Watched a movie, played a board game, went shopping. Anything. It was amazing how they could so easily spend their time. And then, later rather than sooner, they were preparing for dinner, which often took just as long as eating dinner itself. Dinners weren't huge, but full of more vegetables than any other meal. Always with a green and a yellow and starch, as Kairi said - he had no idea what that meant, but he just nodded obediently as if he understood and watched her cook corn and peas and mash potatoes in a bowl. There was chicken - whole chickens, enough to feed all of them! Everyone drank both water and milk at this meal, at least one glass of each. And then there was dessert. Pie or cookies or muffins or _something. _After dinner, they swarmed into the bathroom, stripping so carelessly, Roxas could only turn away shamefully until they were finished. They showered and bathed together to save water and time, Naminé explained to him quietly, which made sense, but he was still so shocked. He hurried into the bathroom after everyone else was done, red hot and embarrassed by the giggles following him. Then they went to sleep.

And Roxas lay awake, staring at the bottom of the bunk above his, puzzling over the perfect universe the girls had built. Marveling that, as beautiful and perfect as it all seemed, how easy and wonderful, he could not figure out just one thing about their miniature solar system.

What was their sun?

* * *

><p><strong>Life has been good to me lately. My family is completely moved in to our new house (which isn't really new, since it was actually built in the '50s, hehe...) and we're almost completely situated. We still have a little bit left to sort out... The only hitch is that in all the bustle, somebody lost our router. <strong>

**Right. You know, that helpful little thing that gives my laptop internet? Yeah. **

**So. Since all of my writing is done on this computer, and I have no flash drive (I refuse to buy another, because they're expensive, and I always, without fail, lose them), it takes me a while to upload chapters, even if they're finished. Thankfully, I live closer to a large (ish) city. I live in North Carolina, and the biggest city is Charlotte (according to my friend from Japan, Charlotte and Raleigh don't count as cities, haha), but we DO thankfully have a Panera Bread nearby. Hoo-rah for free wi-fi. Tis where I am at this very moment. Anywho. Small update on my personal life. **

**I really am enjoying how this lets me into Roxas' head while I write. It fills in all the gaps. While Axel was doing this...what was Roxas doing? So now you know. X) This sort of thing (like, say, what thoughts were going on in Roxas' head the entire time, and how he interacted with Kairi and the other girls...) was already planned out and going through my mind while I was writing Chains. So, it isn't very difficult to write this story. I can't really get writer's block, so it's mostly just finding a time to write that's the obstacle. THANKFULLY, I have no exams this semester ('cause I'm a boss and maintained a perfect A average all year), and I'm just finishing up some projects for AP British Lit., Honors Vocal, and creative writing. No biggie. XD I really hope you enjoy this chapter, anyway. I hope it gives you all more of the character development you were asking for at the end of Chains. **

**AnimeCountDown**


	4. Square One

The sunlight made everything golden.

Literally, everything.

Roxas smiled faintly as the breeze kissed his face and tousled his hair affectionately, leaning back until he was lying lazily in the grass. It was the soft kind, that cushioned his body rather than pricked it with rough, irate blades. He twisted it beneath his fingers, relishing in the warmth of the sun and closing his eyes to shield them from the golden glow emanating from everything, from the very air itself, from everything around him. The grass beneath him was golden. The oaks towering over him were gold. The sky beyond those was golden, too.

He felt the coolness of the shadow before he registered the darkness cast over his eyelids. His smile broadened, and before he could even look, softness was pressed gently to his lips. Roxas hummed contently, and let himself be kissed. When the mouth retreated, Roxas paused, waited a moment, and then let his eyes drift right open. He smiled more.

Sora was golden, too. His wild, fluffy hair was a dark, warm gold. His skin was paler, almost a frosty type of gold. Every thread on his body - golden. Even his eyes were warm, lovely, and perfectly gold.

"I missed you," he murmured, nuzzling Roxas' neck playfully. Roxas giggled, pried Sora away so he could stare up at him. He felt as though he had something to tell Sora, but looking into Sora's eyes, he couldn't remember what it was. He just smiled, and waited until Sora said, "I love you, ya know."

Roxas blushed, but his smile grew.

"I love you, too," he replied, tilting his head at his brother, mind suddenly whirling. Another face had come to mind. "Oh, Sora! I met someone!"

Sora faltered. The world around them dimmed.

The sun must have been setting.

"You did?" he asked, sounding excited, happy for him, even if his voice was kind of weaker.

"Yes," Roxas sighed dreamily, thinking of Axel's face, his smile, his hair. Everything that made him delightfully unique, unlike any other man he had even imagined. "I think I like him, Sora. A lot. I know that's weird and all, but he makes my heart race every time I see him. He makes me…warm..."

Sora wasn't listening anymore. His head was hanging, face obscured by his hair, by shadows, as he leaned over Roxas' chest. Roxas blinked at him, and as he did, the world flickered, like the TV when it was losing connection. The gold darkened to grey, then black, and the air reduced to static.

"Why?" he breathed, the world resonating as the sky, the trees, the grass began to crumble. He could hear the echoes of thunder, but it was distant and faded. "Why did you leave me, Roxas?"

Roxas stared at him. What was he talking about? Sora had told him to leave! He'd literally pushed him out of the door! Roxas would never leave Sora! Didn't he know that? He hadn't wanted to leave! He'd had no choice!

But why couldn't he open his mouth?

Why couldn't he tell him?

He needed to tell him!

"Why did you leave me?" Sora was gasping, the shadows crawling, squirming around them. They thrashed just by his head, licked at his legs. Above him, Sora was already shrouded in darkness. He was black, head to toe. "Why, Rox? Roxas, why did you leave? I'm all alone now. You abandoned me! I loved you and you left me! I found you! I helped you! And you left! Why?"

No! That wasn't true!

"He'll abandon you, too," Sora hissed, lifting his head so quickly, Roxas cried out. Or would have. But he still couldn't speak. And those eyes… They were still golden. Completely golden, corner to corner. "He doesn't love you. He'll never love you! Why would he? You're trash. Nothing. Worthless. Nobody would love you! Nobody! Not your own mother or father! Not me! Not Axel! You're _loveless_!"

* * *

><p>Roxas snapped upright with a cry. Halfway up, though, his forehead slammed into something hard, and with a groan, he recoiled back into his pillow, clutching his face. He was aware of a shout of surprise - and pain, no doubt - that mirrored his, murmurs of concern above him. There was shuffling, a strong voice, and firm hands on his shoulders.<p>

"Roxas, are you okay?"

Words rushed through him, passing from his ears to his brain like water. They sloshed around, murky and coated in layers of filth and grime. He couldn't see the words, couldn't grasp them, couldn't make sense of them. Why was there water in his head?

"Roxas!" A yell. Loud. Powerful. Kairi. "Roxas, wake up! You're dreaming!"

Dreaming. No wonder his brain felt like soggy mush. Groaning again, he forced open his eyes and blinked. He couldn't see. He blinked again. Everything was blurry, impossible to pull into focus. Gasping for air, he wiped at his face frantically, only to find more tears streaming from his eyes. They were going to blind him!

"Calm down," Kairi murmured soothingly, brushing at Roxas' hair comfortingly. But Sora' voice was still resonating, making the water in his head ripple until the waves were crashing into his skull, pounding until it was all he could hear. He shook his head, shuddering, trying to pour the ocean from his ears. "It's okay, Roxas. It's just a dream."

"No," Roxas gasped, peeling away from Kairi. He curled in on himself, shaking, rocking. "No… Leave me alone. Go."

It was the third day. The third day alone.

"Roxas…" That was Xion. Worried. Concerned. He shrank away.

"No," he whimpered, folding his fingers into his hair. "Not you… No. Don't touch me. Just leave me alone…"

There was a silence muffled by hushed whispers; Roxas didn't care. He just curled even further and stayed there, crying quietly, wishing he could die.

Maybe he didn't really want that, but he knew he'd thought about it before. Only a few things ever kept him grounded enough that he never contemplated it too seriously. Well. Only one thing made him feel like he was worth something. Worth _living_. And _he _was gone. So what did it matter? Who would care, if not even Sora wanted him? If Roxas died… It would rid the world of a pest, and there would be no more pain in his heart. It would be a win-win, for everybody.

Hands touched his shoulders.

"Roxas, let's go," Kairi commanded, voice suddenly rock hard. Roxas tensed, preparing to pull away. "We're going to see Master Heart."

Roxas paused. His head popped up suddenly and he sniffled, blinking determinedly past his tears until he could look at Kairi. She watched him cautiously, and her wary gaze was mimicked by the girls behind her. He wondered if they realized they all kind of looked the same.

"Axel?" he asked carefully, rubbing under his eyes to clear the rest of his murky vision. If he didn't know better, he'd say Kairi frowned a little. But she nodded.

"Yes," she said slowly. "We'll go see Master Heart."

They stared at each other.

But Roxas didn't care what she thought, he realized. He didn't really care about her at all. He wasn't here for her. Not for her or anybody else in the room. He wanted to please, to be with, to be loved by only one person. And he was determined to get to him.

He clambered off the bed, wiped at his nose once more, and with a sniff, gazed up at Kairi.

"Okay."

* * *

><p>The house was bigger than he remembered, and it was a shock to realize that while he had been under the impression of being in a single home…he began to recall that he had been in a home <em>inside<em> a home the past two days. It was such a big world, and the rooms that the girls lived in was just a tiny part of it. Kairi led him through the corridors, past doorways, and Roxas wondered if there were more houses behind each of those doors, too. They walked through the huge empty room that sat at the front of the house. The double-doors, Roxas recalled, were the main entrance, and just outside them, he would find the mansion's yard. There were stairs to his right, and he knew that if he really tried, he could dash up those stairs and find Axel's room again if he wanted. Except he did want to, and he knew that he couldn't. Or wouldn't. It was more a matter of having the bravery and courage to wander from Kairi's side.

She didn't look back at him as she took him through one doorway after another until they arrived in an open space, large and strangely welcoming. There was a long table made of gleaming wood down the middle of it, with such an intricate light hanging from the ceiling, Roxas tilted his head back to stare at it with his lips shaped like an "o". A chandelier. That's what Sora would call it. There were large windows on the left side of the room, exotic-looking plants in the corners, portraits on the walls, and a ornate fireplace to the right. More doors and archways. Kairi stopped and turned to him here.

"Master Heart usually eats dinner around this time of the day…" she said softly, her eyes somewhere else as she looked at him. Roxas shifted uncomfortably, wondering what she could possibly be thinking. "Once he gets here… Roxas, do you want to talk about that dream you had?"

Roxas stiffened. No. Why would he want to talk about that kind of a thing with somebody like Kairi? Kairi, who would never understand… He bit his lip, turning away from her. That wasn't fair, was it? Kairi had been kind to him, had held him and been so pleasant. But Roxas couldn't push away the feeling that no matter what he did, he would never belong in Kairi's world. In Namine's or in Xion's. He didn't belong with them anymore than they could belong in the orphanage with him and Sora. Would they? He didn't think so. He knew that, in a way, he was being unreasonable. But he didn't…he couldn't really bring himself to care. Besides, Sora was a private part of his thoughts. Sora was his, the last part of himself that seemed to belong to himself. And Kairi had no right to take that from him.

He was crying again before he realized it.

When the door near the further end of the dining hall opened, Roxas and Kairi both jumped a little, and turned to face the person who had entered. There, in the doorway, he stood. Tall and elegant, his glowing green eyes opened a little wider than Roxas had remembered, in surprise, probably. He was dressed partly in a suit. In dark slacks and a white button-up. As before, Roxas could not help but picture him as a god, powerful and beautiful and so, so perfect.

He flew across the room and into Axel's arms the moment he saw him, unabashed now by his tears and letting them flow freely. There was a moment of hesitation, and in it sparked the fear that he had done something wrong, but then Axel was winding his own embrace around Roxas. Immediately, he felt consumed, protected, loved. The hand on his head was warm and large. He could hear them talking. Something about him, no doubt. But he didn't care .He was with Axel, and it was all he could do to press himself against Axel as firmly as he could, trying to stop the shaking, relishing in the warmth. He wanted to be as close to Axel as possible.

Too soon, though, Axel was taking him by the shoulders and increasing the distance between them. Roxas suppressed a whimper, instead staring up at Axel with every bit of adoration, resisting the urge to crawl back into his hold. Axel was staring at him, looking at him so…intensely, it made Roxas tense.

"Did you lie to me, Roxas?"

Roxas started, eyes popping so wide, the corners of them hurt. With a squeak, he shook his head vigorously. No, no, no! Why would he ever think that? Why? It was just like Sora, in his dream! First Sora, now Axel… Was it true? Would everyone hate him, assume these terrible things about him? Was it true? Or was he dreaming?

"Woah. Calm down," Axel suddenly murmured, and he caught Roxas' head before he could even think to slow down. Breathing hard, he gasped a little when Axel leaned down to press his forehead to Roxas'. So close, so close…he wanted him closer. Axel smiled at him softly, and his words were as gentle as his touch, "It's okay, Roxas. I just need to know your name, okay? That's all."

"It's Roxas," he insisted, watching Axel's eyes widen a bit at his answer. Whining softly, he continued adamantly, "R-O-X-A-S. I swear it is! Roxas!"

"Okay, okay," Axel suddenly whispered, and relief washed over Roxas so fast, he thought his heart would sputter and stop and die just from his happiness. Axel was holding him again, and he clutched tight to Axel's shirt, willing that the moment never stop. When Axel pulled away from him this time, it was only just a fraction, so he could smile down at him kindly. "I believe you, Roxas. I just had to make sure."

* * *

><p>Axel wanted him to go back to Kairi. At least…that's what it seemed like. He suggested it after a couple more minutes of consoling, and Roxas summoned from his heart the courage to refuse. Well…it wasn't refusal so much as that he showed Axel how much he wanted to stay with him instead. He clung to him until he promised he wouldn't abandon him, and something in Axel's eyes as he swore that he would take him back to his room - for at least the night - assured Roxas that he hadn't made the wrong choice in being too bold. In a way…Roxas felt a type of mutual relief in Axel as they slipped inside Axel's room and the older man shut the door behind him.<p>

Roxas stood dead center in the middle of the room, casting his eyes about, not quite sure, really, what to do. It was such a beautiful room, and there was something about studying it that made him warm inside. It was a room of fire, of reds and golds, of dark brown, oranges, splashes of black, and yellow. It was a room that made his insides tingle, that made him want to crawl into bed…but only if Axel was at his side. It was a room that made him feel courageous…made him feel like he had the power and the strength to do things he normally wouldn't…

Strong, long arms were wrapping around him, and Roxas inhaled sharply, shivering at Axel's embrace. It was such a perfect feeling, and he couldn't help but fall back as Axel touched him, and then held him tight to his chest.

"You've had quite the impact on me, little Roxas," Axel breathed, and the sound was so low, so musky, so…_hot_, that Roxas flushed red at the sound of it. It was a sound that felt very much like the room. A sound that made him _want_. A sudden tugging sensation at his ear, Axel's teeth tickling his flesh, drew out a sigh and a moan at the same time. It only made Roxas blush, that he himself would make such a noise. But Axel seemed to like it, for he buried his face into Roxas' throat with a hum He took in a deep breath that Roxas could feel as Axel's chest moved against his back. "You have no idea the things you do to me."

That was true. He didn't. Roxas stood, paralyzed, his breaths the only thing that filled the air. He _wanted_ to know what he did to Axel. He did, really. He wanted to know, because he wanted to know if they were the same things that _Axel_ did to _Roxas_. He wanted to know, so that he could make sure he did them over and over again. Because he wanted to please Axel as much as the older man pleased him. Lips pressed to his heartbeat, the pulse just below his jaw, and Roxas inhaled, letting his eyes flutter close. Oh _please_ do that again…

But Axel was releasing him, walking away, and Roxas watched, crushed, as the man set about gathering clothes for him as he had done before. Chewing on his bottom lip, Roxas made a split-second decision. He could no longer try to avoid anything that had frightened him before. Axel was so kind, and Roxas was to be grateful that _he_ had bought him, and not someone else. He was here for a reason, as Naminé had said, and it was his responsibility to please Axel.

He pulled himself onto the bed as Axel searched his drawers, and he shut himself in a dark little tunnel to gather the confidence needed to grab the hem of his t-shirt and yank it up over his head. The air in the room was comfortably warm, but without the shirt, he felt an immediate, instinctive chill. Determined, he placed the shirt aside, ignoring his shivers. Gritting his teeth, he glared down at his pants before touching the button gingerly with his fingers. He could do this. He _could_. He just had to…

Long, pale fingers slipped past his own, expertly nudging Roxas' to the side and undoing the button with elegant ease. Roxas blushed, and glanced up to see Axel staring at him intensely. His eyes never moved, but Roxas could feel his hands working again, against his crotch to slowly pull down the zipper. He was kneeling in front of him, and then his hands were at the edge of his pants and tugging down. Slowly.

Roxas felt so warm, he thought he was going to die. All the shivers were gone, and all that remained was the blazing fire beneath his skin. Beautiful, delicious fire, that raged when the khakis slipped off his legs completely and Axel's eyes roamed where they once had been. That gaze…it was a look not even Sora had ever given him.

And then a shirt was being forced over his head, so abruptly, Roxas squeaked and reached up instinctively to help it over his head. But his fingers met his hair, because the shirt was already on him, billowing around him like a sheet. Axel really was much bigger than he was…

Roxas stared up at him and blinked.

And could only smile at the way Axel gazed down at him.

Because it looked an awful lot like love.

* * *

><p>Living with Axel was…wonderful.<p>

As the hours passed, as the days went by, Roxas began to think less and less of the orphanage he had left behind and more of the mansion and its inhabitants. They fell into an easy routine that left Roxas content and satisfied with the presence of Axel. He was allowed to accompany Axel wherever he went, whether it meant he quietly waited for him to finish his work in his study or to go eat or to do any of the other things Roxas didn't really understand yet. And after a while…Axel never even mentioned Kairi again.

The moments that were awful were the days when Axel had to work. Those were the only times when Roxas couldn't stay with Axel, and he was forced to remain home in the care of one of Axel's trusted friends.

Luxord was an odd looking man, handsome and rugged at the same time, and though Roxas was not sure why, he liked him immediately. There was something safe and secure about Luxord that made being away from Axel a little more bearable. As the days passed, Roxas began to open up a little to Luxord, and speaking to him became much easier. Despite his tough appearance, and the seriousness with which he accepted his duty as Roxas' caretaker, Luxord was almost as kind as Axel.

He took Roxas shopping - something the blonde young man had never experienced. Luxord showed him into the stores that Roxas had once peered into, nose pressed to the glass, eyes wide with longing. Roxas was treated as though he was worth something. The tailors and shopkeepers doted on him as if he was royalty as soon as they saw him with Luxord. He was given not only clothes, but they were "fitted" to him as well - Luxord explained that it meant the clothes would be altered to fit his measurements specifically. Roxas was astounded at the necessity for such a simple thing. How marvelous!

So he let them draw tapes around him, and blushed when they exclaimed and gushed over his unique size. Everyone seemed rather taken which how small he was, though he couldn't possibly fathom why. He was more interested in the feel of new cotton and new wool and new denim and new silk. Ah, _silk_. He fell in love with the beautiful fabric the moment he pulled it onto his skin. Luxord explained that for men, silk was most often reserved for small accessories such as ties and the formal button-up shirts. Fabrics such as silk, chiffon, tulle, and lace were usually used for women's apparel. But he seemed to see Roxas' love for it, and without much more comment on the matter, silk was indeed bought.

It was the first time Roxas had ever worn a suit.

He had no idea what he would ever wear it for…but owning such beautiful articles of clothing filled him up with a giddy sort of joy he could only remember feeling in the innocence of childhood - when everything was wonderful and worth exclaiming over. Luxord bought him attire for all sorts of occasions. Mostly, though, were casual clothes. Lots of khaki pants, form-fitting jeans, t-shirts, hoodies, and jackets. There were new shoes - which Roxas had never fathomed touching, let alone owning - and some sorts of semi-formal and formal clothing. Roxas couldn't really tell the difference between semi-formal and formal. Not yet, anyway. Luxord promised him that he would understand in due time.

Shopping wasn't all he did with Luxord either. In fact, most of the time was spent at the mansion instead, during lessons. There was so much to learn in order to live with Axel! Luxord taught him the correct way to sit and stand straight - which seemed so pointless, especially since it strained his back so much at first. He showed him the distinct differences between forks and spoons and knives - Roxas never knew there was more than one kind of each. But Roxas' favorite was reading.

There was something special about being able to look at the symbols on a page and know what they meant, and the first time Roxas could understand the word Luxord wrote on the page in front of them, he was so happy he burst into tears. To be able to read! Sora would be so proud of him! Along with reading came writing, and though the feeling of the stiff pencil in his hand made it sore for a while, he found that he loved the sensation almost as much as flipping through pages in a book.

Things became easier, and Roxas began to think of the mansion as home. A magnificent home indeed! But home nonetheless. He was always warm, never hungry or thirsty, always happy, never alone. After a week or two had passed - Roxas didn't really count the days - he had even grown a bit in size. Nobody else seemed to notice, but there was flesh were bone had once been on his ribs, and he no longer felt so light and empty. He felt…strong.

He felt this strong as he slept in Axel's arms every night. How he loved sleeping in Axel's bed. He couldn't believe there was ever a safer place than that spot, tucked in the crook of Axel's throat and chest, arms wrapped tight around him. There were some nights that lasted such a wonderfully long time, and when morning came, Axel didn't have to rush off to go to work. He stayed in bed, and held Roxas for as long as they wished. It was during these nights that Axel would ask things about him. Ask things that nobody else had ever cared about before, and Roxas felt cozy at the thought of Axel wanting to know him. To know him like no other.

"What's your last name?" was one of these questions, abrupt and random, so soft and light. Almost as though he had thought up the question on the spot, but wasn't sure if Roxas was asleep yet or not and didn't want to wake him if he was. But he wasn't, and Roxas smiled against Axel's collarbone and curled into him more.

"I don't have one," he answered, waiting eagerly for the next question, trying desperately not to let Axel know. How embarrassing it would be if Axel knew how Roxas felt about these silly nights of asking and answering!

"Where are you from?" he asked, stroking his hair in that way that made Roxas want to purr like a cat.

"I don't know," he responded automatically, and inhaled when Axel pressed him closer. He loved being so close to his Axel.

No, no, no. He was Axel's. Not the other way around.

"Did you ever have a family?" Axel asked, waking Roxas from his inward scolding. Roxas blinked. It felt like so much time had passed since he had even thought about Sora…about the orphanage.

"Yes," he said softly, yawning shortly thereafter. It must have been late, no doubt. But he wanted to stay awake. For Axel. Axel had questions. When Axel didn't speak, he thought to elaborate, "Other guys like me mostly. We all lived together."

There was another pause. Roxas was about to open his mouth when Axel suddenly spoke, his grip on Roxas tightening.

"Did anyone ever hurt you?" he asked. Roxas blinked. He thought a little bit, and then answered.

"Sometimes," he decided, remembering the older guys, and how they would tease him. How Sora would defend him. He resisted the urge to sigh. "But not a lot."

"How…" Axel breathed, and Roxas wondered if maybe he was tired too. "How did they hurt you?"

"Hm… Well, a couple guys picked on me a lot when I was little…or littl_er_. But one time, they got really mad at me for some reason and really let me have it…" Roxas paused, thinking on the time with what he could only describe as a surreal moment of nostalgia. It wasn't too long ago. Recent, actually. It was one of those days Sora was gone, and some of the older guys had thought it'd be funny… He shuddered a moment, remembering the pain their hands had raked everywhere. He hadn't known why they were so angry at him - he still didn't. He just remembered being cornered, being trapped, and hurting. They'd cut him, hit him, kicked him. Like he was a dog. He sighed. "Master got really mad at them once that happened… So they didn't mess with me after that."

It was true. Master had called the boys to his room and done something that frightened them so badly, the only time Roxas had spoken to them again was when they apologized to him. No doubt, Master had told them to, because they looked so out of their minds with fear, Roxas had felt sorry for them. Master was always like that. He knew everything that went on at the orphanage, even if none of them ever saw him. At least, Roxas had never seen him. He'd loved to, though. He was the only sort of father he'd ever been able to fathom.

Axel suddenly jerked away from him. Roxas blinked at him.

"Master?"

"Yes, the man we worked for," he replied, tilting his head at Axel's odd behavior. Had he said something wrong? The term "Master" was no more peculiar than when Kairi spoke of Axel.

"What kind of work?" was Axel's next question. Roxas frowned.

"Um…well… I cleaned mostly. Cooked for the others and stuff. I guess it wasn't really _work_," he amended, hoping that might appease Axel's obvious discomfort. His expression, however, didn't change. "Chores, really. And Master gave us a home."

"Did he force himself on you?" Axel suddenly asked, and Roxas stared at him a moment before registering what he had asked.

"_What? No!_" he cried, so startled, he could hardly speak. He'd never before seen Master, let alone ever be hurt or offended by him! Frowning, he lowered his gaze. It was hard to look at Axel when he felt this way… "No, Master would never hurt me! Ever!"

"Then why are you so afraid -"

Roxas tensed for what would come next, but Axel had stopped speaking. They lay there a moment, not looking at each other, waiting for something Roxas was sure he didn't want to come. It was a long, deadly silence. And with every second, Roxas felt his heart sink.

And suddenly he was being pushed away. Roxas gasped as Axel shoved his way of the bed, trying to reach out to grab him, but reacting too slowly to Axel's movements. He yelled out, though, wordlessly, and it was enough to make Axel stop. Just for a moment. But he didn't turn around, only tilted back his head in Roxas' direction, when he spoke.

"These past weeks…you have asked for my bed while under the service of another man," he accused, and Roxas felt his breath catch as Axel began to yell. He couldn't breath. No, no, no… "Why is it you are here, Roxas? So that you may taunt me in my own home?"

"_No!_" he yelled, finally finding his voice. He was surprised it could cut through Axel's. His own was so much weaker, so much smaller… But Axel silenced. He turned slowly and Roxas shrank back at the look in those eyes. He had never seen such a look of…hatred. He had seen disgust, and anger, and displeasure… But hatred? Whimpering, Roxas forced himself to speak. He had to fix this! "You saved me… I know what it is you buy these women for… Kairi and the others… But I know why they are so happy doing it. You are kind to them and fair in the way you treat them… I do not think I would mind so much…to call you Master…to serve you in a different way than I am used to… I think I could learn."

He stared at Axel, trying to convey to him in his eyes what he could not express in words. But it wasn't enough. He knew that as he stared at Axel, feeling the desperation swell in his heart. How he wished he could tell him. He needed to! But his voice was stuck now. Lost. And that _look_ in Axel's eyes never faded. Not even as he closed them shut, turned around, and stalked into the bathroom. Even when he slammed the door shut behind him with such resounding force, it shook a shower of tears right from Roxas' eyes.

That look never faded from his mind.

* * *

><p><strong>The more I write Birth, the more I'm astounded when I realize that everything I was thinking (everything I already knew about Roxas' story) while writing Chains... Gah, this isn't coming out right! Meh. It's just interesting to see how this story is so different when in Roxas' POV as opposed to Axel's POV. It's almost like Axel is an entirely different person in this story. And Roxas, too, is entirely different in Chains. Oh, it's absolutely fascinating to see people respond to each story differently. <strong>

**So. To all of my readers, I _highly_ encourage you to go read Chains. **

**Chains is the original story that goes with this plot. It's this story, but from Axel's POV instead. So, it'll really make you look at this story in a different light. You can either go read Chains right now, or you can finish until Birth is finished (it'll be about 11 chapters; the same amount of chapters as Chains). Anywho, I think (or hope) that you can enjoy both points of view as much as I am. Mostly, though, I'm just happy that I can convey to my readers everything that was happening in the background in my head through this parallel story... You can see the background plot I never thought anyone would know about. But I just kept thinking about Sora and all that... And I knew that you all just had to know _how_ and_ why_ and all that good stuff, haha. **

**Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It was fun to write because of Roxas' fascination with everything - and I hope in a way, it touched some of you. Coming from a family of relatively poor means, I can speak for a lot of people in writing this chapter. I mean, I started working at 13, then got another job at 14. I understand well the value of money. It's just nice to write about it from a innocent mind's perspective. Because we all know I'm anything but innocent. x) **

**Reviews? I'm surprised that this story is much less popular than Chains. x] Slightly disappointed about that.**

**Oh! Buuuuut...we're all perfectly settled in and I got a new router! So! I'm back online permanently, which means more frequent updates from moi. ;) **

**AnimeCountDown**


	5. Happy Belated Birthday

Axel was gone before Roxas woke up the next morning.

It was amazing, considering. It had taken him hours to go to sleep that night. He'd literally laid in bed, the side of his face pressed to a silk pillow, tears making the muscles in his cheeks stiff and sore. By the time he'd finally stopped crying, he felt so empty, he couldn't have moved if he'd tried. Like he was all dried up. He'd laid there. And he'd thought as much as his mind would let him. But for as empty as he felt, he could hardly summon the power to do anything.

After waking up, he felt no better. In fact, he felt worse than he had when he'd gone to sleep. With a pounding headache and all his limbs aching, he lay there for a while more, watching the bathroom door, and knowing that Axel was gone. Why would he still be there anyway?

Roxas had ruined everything.

* * *

><p>Around noon, Roxas decided that moping wasn't going to solve anything. Chances were, nothing was going to solve the mess he had made, but feeling sorry for himself only made him feel worse. He crawled out from the sheets and dragged himself across the room to the side of the dresser that Axel shared with him. He stared at it a moment, taking in a deep breath before pulling it open, only to stare at the clothes inside of it as well.<p>

So much had changed in the past two weeks. No…everything had changed. Axel's world was a universe away from Roxas'. Roxas had never dreamed of a day when he would be able to stare at his own clothing nestled beside another's, as if they simply belonged there together. These days…he had felt as though he and Axel… He'd felt…like…

If he hadn't been so dried up, he knew that the tears would have started pouring. But they didn't, because they weren't there. Just like his thoughts, which refused to piece themselves together into anything coherent. So instead, he settled for grabbing up an outfit and shutting the drawer gently. As he dressed, he did his best to think, to make sense of what was happening.

It came down to wondering how long it would be until Axel sent him away. Axel had been unbelievably kind thus far, in a way that Roxas couldn't even fathom, but in no way did the blonde expect any more generosity after last night. Naminé had said it herself: why did he think he was here? It certainly wasn't to insult Axel in his own home, "taunt" him, as he had put it. And although Roxas had never meant to do such an awful thing, he figured it wouldn't matter much. He had already used up enough of Axel's time and money and affection - and not once had Roxas ever given anything in return. To assume that Axel would keep him after this… Roxas wanted nothing more, but people like him never had the luxury of hope. Hope only hurt.

But it kept him from leaving. He had been planning on it, as he lay in bed and as he got dressed, and even as he trudged down the stairs to the mansion lobby. The plan was to spare Axel the trouble of his presence, to simply walk out the door and wander the streets until he found some semblance of home. He couldn't be too far from the orphanage…could he?

Yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. His mind conjured an excuse he couldn't even form into actual words, but he listened to his selfish desires regardless of what he knew would be the right thing to do. He made it to the porch before he changed his mind, and instead of walking for the gate, he swiveled left and made his way for the gardens.

It was the one place he had yet to visit on the estate so far. At the orphanage, he'd always loved going to the park with Sora, and somehow, even though he'd seen the beautiful gardens from the windows of the mansion, actual stepping inside them seemed to be a sort of betrayal… But Sora had shut him out. Shut him out just like everyone else had. Just like Axel would. This was his way of breaking ties for good. Once he was on the streets again, he'd really, truly be on his own - and he would have no room for hope to cloud his vision.

That's what Roxas told himself. Really, he figured he just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity while he had it. He was just being selfish.

The entrance to the gardens was cliché and magical, like the opening pages of one of the books Luxord had given him. Simple and easy to read, but nonetheless beautiful. Perfectly trimmed hedges stretched out from the side of the mansion to the edge of the estate, so tall Roxas would bet even Axel could not see over it. An archway of the same mossy green beckoned him, laced with roses such a deep red, Roxas was reminded for a moment of Alice in Wonderland. He had watched it with Sora a couple of times, and the image of paint dripping onto white petals had always stayed fresh in his mind.

He crossed the threshold, taking a moment to gingerly finger one of the roses. A faint smile twitched to his lips - their petals were so soft…like silk. From the entrance were paths of artfully worn cobblestone, lined with square hedges that created a sort of maze. Roxas followed it, pausing at any of the shrubs or flowers he found interesting along the way. The hedges were shorter here, and only came up to about his chest, so he could see quite an expanse of work.

There were statues, made of both stone and bushes. They were utterly magnificent, all of them, in the way they were either carved or trimmed. There were angels and gods and heroes and beasts. All so very simple, and yet all breath-taking. The time it must have taken, the skill and expertise… Roxas took his time in carefully memorizing every single one. He touched them gently, and knew he would never forget how they felt on his fingers.

There were benches along the way, and occasionally, he could not resist the urge to sit and rest for just a while. He wandered among the gardens for hours, and his thin legs weren't used to the strain. It was rather pathetic, but he had given up on caring about his physical strength long ago. So he took breaks when he needed to, sat and enjoyed the view of the gardens from tiny clearings with intricate patterns dug into the stone flooring.

There were fountains, too. Each seemed to be different in its own way. Some were circular, others square, and more still were shaped abstractly. There were many built up like towers, water cascading from one platform to the next - and many were nearly flat and short, rippling only at the wind's accord. But the water was always the same, cold and clear and blue. Like the sky. Like a mirror.

Roxas knew that he could easily have lost himself in the garden. It was the most amazing thing he had ever witnessed. So pure, so untainted. How could it have been anything but?

He eventually found a little place where he could sit comfortably in the sun, undisturbed. The edges built a circular barrier between him and the cruel world beyond the garden's gate. Leaning back, branches reached out to brush his scalp and the silky scent of roses filled his senses. He glanced back behind him with a tilt of his head. Red and white, how ironic.

A sigh, a breath, a hum. He closed his eyes against the sun, which made absolutely nothing golden, and drifted slowly into slumber.

* * *

><p>He woke to the sound of a voice.<p>

"I was just doing my duty, sir, and I found him out here sleeping," it was saying. It was not a voice he recognized, for it was a relatively distinct one. Low, gruff, clipped with a grumbling accent and a bitter attitude. Undoubtedly male. Curiosity piqued, Roxas listened. "Wasn't sure if I was supposed to wake him up or anything, but he's usually…supervised. Figured you'd know what to do about him. Didn't want to bother Master Heart or any of that business."

"Thank you," a deeper voice, laced with strained impatience and a hint of something familiar, replied. It was much closer than the other, and it was then Roxas realized they were talking about _him_. "You can go back to work now."

He could hear footsteps retreating, the thud of work boots on stone. There was a slow, agonizing moment of silence when the man was finally gone. As soon as the hand touched his shoulder, though, Roxas snapped open his eyes.

Saix recoiled a little in surprise, but his grip only tightened on his little arm, making Roxas have to fight the urge to squirm away. In the past couple weeks, Roxas had learned not to care much for Saix. There was something unbearably cold about him. Roxas didn't trust him, didn't like him, didn't want to be anywhere near him. It was difficult keeping such strong feelings hidden, but he had done it for Axel.

"You seem to have gotten lost," Saix said smoothly. He didn't even bother with a smile as his fingers curled around Roxas' upper arm and gave a hint of tug. "How about we just take you inside, hm? Wouldn't want everyone to forget you're out here."

Roxas frowned, his flesh crawling where Saix touched him. With a distinct jerk of his body, he pulled his arm from Saix's grasp. Red eyes stared at him blankly, some mix of astonishment and fury. As much as he wanted to, Roxas couldn't bring himself to glare back. Instead, he lowered his gaze shyly, bringing his knees up to his chest and tucking his arms in his lap.

"I'm not lost," he muttered softly, not daring to look up as he mumbled, more bravely than he'd ever thought possible, "And please don't touch me."

"Excuse me?" Saix hissed, so low and deadly, Roxas shuddered. His instinct told him not to speak - or maybe just apologize, bow his head, and obediently follow Saix inside. But Roxas was tired of being shoved around. And he didn't care for Saix. So he met that bloody gaze, and took a deep breath.

"Only my master may touch me," he said, and found strength when his voice did not shake. "And you are not my master."

Time ticked by steadily, and neither of them made a move.

The longer he sat there, the more nervous…the more determined Roxas became. Of everything that had happened to him, he wanted to at least be able to control the outcome of this one little thing. A part of him was scared, but that was because Saix himself was frightening. In reality, he was no better than Roxas. He, too, worked below a man. He, too, had a superior. He, too, was here as nothing better than a slave. What, other than his size and attitude, made him so frightening? Roxas knew there was truth in his own claim, and Roxas stared right back at Saix, as a loss of what to do, and knowing deep inside, somewhere, that Saix was feeling the exact same.

"Saix!"

Both jumped, and Roxas was amazed to see the startled expression on Saix's face. It was, in fact, priceless. But then the situation hit Roxas hard, and his gut twisted when he realized there was only one person who could make Saix jump like that.

Axel's father.

Though Roxas had never actually spoken to Xemnas, he had caught glimpses and heard whispers of him in the mansion. Like Axel, he seemed to be highly thought of by his servants. Smart, handsome, powerful. Like Axel. He certainly was intimidating, more so than Saix, even. He held himself in away that suggested he was a king, what with the way his presence filled an entire room. Roxas shrank as soon as he approached, eyes wide, mind whirling. _Shit. _

"Sir," Saix greeted, clearing his throat and straightening his jacket. It was the closest thing to awkward Roxas had ever seen Saix. Xemnas came closer, and Roxas froze when yellow eyes landed on him. They scrutinized him for a second before turning to Saix.

"What's going on?" he inquired, in a way that left no room for questioning. Saix cut a hateful look in Roxas' direction.

"One of the gardeners found him sitting out here," he explained, and Roxas' flesh tingled when Saix's lips curled into a sneer. "I came out here to bring him inside, but he refuses to do so. He says he'll only come in for Axel. At least, I assume that's what he meant."

Bastard.

"Is that so?" Xemnas said, as softly as one with such a voice could be. He turned, then, his full attention on Roxas. "Did you say that? That you'd only do as my son said?"

Roxas squirmed under the weight of their eyes. He had more than a couple options, but only a few stood out clearly in his head. Instinctively, he wanted to just curl up in a ball, get it over with, and die. That seemed like a good one. Then again, he could just lie, but it was his word against Saix's, and from the way Roxas understood it, there was no one Xemnas trusted more. Or, he could well…

He nodded dumbly, face twisted in an unsure mix of confusion and pain.

"I see…" Xemnas murmured, eyes narrowing at Roxas heavily. The blonde bit his bottom lip, wishing he had the strength to avert his gaze, but the piercing yellow was hypnotizing. There was nothing worse than a disobedient slave; even if Saix was also an employee of sorts, he was still high above Roxas. A part of the Heart family, practically. Disobeying him was just as bad as disobeying Luxord. And of course, Roxas had just implied that he would disobey _Xemnas himself_ if the man commanded him to do something. Oh, he might as well just go back to his thoughts of death… "Well, I suppose loyalty never hurt anyone. It's sure as hell better than betrayal, anyway."

Roxas blinked. Saix's smirk fell from his lips.

"Sir…" he began, but Xemnas either didn't hear him or simply ignored him.

"You'd better head inside, though," he suggested, raising an eyebrow as if considering something else entirely as he spoke. "It'll be getting dark soon, and it's supposed to get a little colder than usual tonight. Wouldn't want you getting sick, would we?"

"Indeed," Saix agreed, and though he appeared to have reclaimed his calm, indifferent exterior, his eyes were colder than ever.

Roxas didn't move.

"You know," Xemnas sighed, rubbing his temple. Roxas flinched; he hadn't wanted to cause trouble, especially to the head of the Heart family! "Axel should be returning any minute now. In fact, I believe he was pulling in just a few moments ago."

"He was?" Roxas asked softly, slowly uncurling his legs and setting his feet on the stone flooring. Xemnas raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh… I can… I'll go, then… To…to Axel."

"I see," Xemnas breathed, but gestured still for Roxas to lead the way, never once moving to touch him.

It took a little bit of will power not to dash from the bench to the mansion, but a few things - including the watchful gazes of Xemnas and Saix - kept him from rushing. Instead, he shuffled forward, head bowed, eyes on the ground. He kept thinking about Axel, too. After last night, seeing Axel could simply get him thrown out that much sooner. Deep inside, his fear filled him like an invisible, odorless gas, toxic and lethal. He was torn between needing desperately to see Axel again and postponing his own execution.

He could hear Xemnas and Saix conversing as they made their way through the maze. Something about him, because he caught wisps of words and phrases that made it obvious it was about him. He tried to ignore it the best he could, but by the time they exited the garden and were walking up the front porch steps, Roxas was trembling with anxiety.

Roxas. Pretty. Young. Wrong. Mistake.

He had to shake it off, he reminded himself. This was how everyone was going to think of him - regardless of who he met or what he did to try to prevent such thoughts. Nothing was every going to keep him from being a mistake. Nothing was going to change that, and everyone was going to figure it out at some point or another. Everyone.

He waited for Xemnas and Saix at the top of the stairs and let them enter the building first. The doors were already being held wide open - servants that opened doors. Really, Roxas never believed he would grow accustomed to the luxurious life Axel lived. He shuffled in after Xemnas, not sure exactly where he would take him, what he would do next. Would he go back to Kairi and wait there? Go to Axel's room? Find Luxord? Just sit in the lobby?

"Axel!"

Roxas snapped his head up so quickly it should have hurt, but the only thing he could feel was the pressure of his heart in his throat. There he was, tall and lean and beautiful, standing in the center of the lobby, turning around to face his father. Green eyes, swimming with panic and anxiety, suddenly fell upon him, and Roxas inhaled deeply in the seconds that passed, their eyes locking on one another.

"Oh, God," Axel gasped. And in another second, Roxas was being held. Being held as he had never thought Axel would hold him again. He felt so safe, so right, engulfed tightly in Axel's arms. The tears started coming before he even knew it. "Shit, Roxas… I was so damn worried. I thought… What I said to you last night…I thought you… Fuck…"

Roxas grabbed a hold of the front of Axel's shirt, needing desperately something to cling to. He didn't understand! All of his thoughts were muddled, racing around each other so quickly, he couldn't hang on to any of them long enough to comprehend what was happening. _Axel _had been worried? Why was he holding him so tightly? Wasn't he supposed to be kicking him out?

"Where did you find him?" Axel was suddenly asking, and Roxas felt the fear of knowing Xemnas and Saix were still in the lobby, too. He was acutely aware of eyes on him. More than just a couple sets, too. Swallowing deeply, he peeked over Axel's shoulder. Luxord was there, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. There was a man with bluish silver hair that Roxas had never seen before, glowering from the foot of the staircase. It was a glare that gave him chills.

"Saix found him out in the gardens," Xemnas replied, and Roxas ducked into the cover of Axel's embrace once again. Ah, shit… If Axel hadn't been mad at him earlier, he certainly would be now. He just kept messing up… "We don't know how long he was out there. It took us forever to coax him out. The only thing that got him to come back inside was because I convinced him you were in here. Axel…what is…?"

Axel leaned back to look Roxas in the eye. The green in those eyes was so abruptly clear, Roxas trembled in the light of them. His face was calm and steady, but the blonde couldn't help but feel something brewing behind those eyes. Axel…what he was feeling was more potent than he let on.

"You… I thought you ran away," he suddenly murmured, and Roxas gasped. He _knew_. No, no, no. But wait… Did that mean… "I…was scared you'd want to get away from me after last night… I'm so sorry."

"No…" Roxas breathed, his thoughts piling up one after another. How could Axel be apologizing? Nothing was making any sense! Whining, he pressed his face to Axel's chest, relishing in the warmth, the strength. It was all he could think: "No, no, no…"

"Maybe Luxord should take him to go get cleaned up," Xemnas interrupted smoothly, and Roxas flinched into Axel. No, no, no… He couldn't take him away again, not so soon. He _needed_ Axel. He couldn't simply walk away from him. There was a long silence, and Roxas felt Axel coil around him reflexively, his muscles bunching around him powerfully. "Axel…"

"I can take care of him, Father," Axel hissed; Roxas shivered at the lethal edge jabbing from his voice. All Roxas knew was that Axel held him closer, tighter, and said firmly, "We can talk in the morning."

The silence that ensued was deadly.

"Then sleep well, Axel," Xemnas grumbled. "We will discuss this tomorrow."

Axel pulled back from him then, but only far enough so that he could turn around, press a hand to the small of Roxas' back, and guide him forward. Past all the staring eyes. Up the grand, forked staircase. Down the long and beautiful corridor to Axel's room.

To their room.

* * *

><p>Not for the first time, Axel helped Roxas undress, but this time was distinctly different. Usually, Axel kept a strange distance between them - one especially odd considering why he had bought Roxas in the first place. In the weeks he'd been here, Roxas had never discovered why Axel was so respectful, so kind. But he was. So, as Axel took his time peeling away each article of clothing, Roxas felt as though something had changed between them. He wasn't quite sure what exactly, not yet…and he wasn't sure whether he liked it or not.<p>

It had taken him long enough to get used to Axel. Even if he had been determined to please Axel and forget about the orphanage, it had still been a struggle to become completely accustomed to a new face, a new pair of hands, a new lifestyle entirely. Now all his progress seemed erased… Not in a bad way necessarily. Roxas was just so confused. All of his self-presumed ideas about why he was here and what Axel wanted him for and what the extent of Roxas' usefulness was…Axel's adamant apology had shattered all of his assumptions.

So he couldn't determine whether it took a lot or nothing at all to let Axel lead him, completely naked, from the bedroom to the bathroom. On one hand, he felt as though he should be inwardly freaking out. But on the other, it was a sense of inescapable calm that frightened him more than the situation.

He had to lean on Axel in order to find the strength to step over the bathtub into perfectly warm water and sink into it slowly without hurting himself. Before he knew it, Axel was scrubbing soap tenderly across his skin. And he began to wash him so gently, so kindly, as if at any moment, Roxas could break into little pieces, too tiny to pick back up.

The entire time, Roxas wasn't really sure what to do. He sat without moving, staring into the rippling bath water, which was steadily becoming frothy with soap. Regardless of how he tried, he couldn't keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. They were embarrassing, stupid, unexplained tears. But Axel never failed to lean forward and kiss away each one, so after a while, without really realizing it, Roxas stopped trying to keep himself from crying.

He liked Axel's lips on his face, on his mouth, on his skin. Well…he liked Axel's lips in general.

"I'm sorry," were the words that accompanied one of those kisses, and Roxas instinctively turned toward them, shivering when his face brushed Axel's. The fire of the eyes that met his consumed him, filling Roxas with a slow, crawling, warm fire. "I… I shouldn't have said what I did. It's not your fault where you come from or how you were raised or by who… I was selfish and arrogant to assume that I could own you so easily."

"But…you do own me," Roxas argued, looking to Axel for guidance, for clarity. That was all he wanted. He wanted to be sure. It felt so close, so _almost within reach_, but he needed assurance. But the look Axel was giving him was so…pained. He took a deep breath, and urged him, "Don't you?"

"I may have bought your body," Axel whispered lowly, his chuckle resounding louder than his words. Fingers suddenly slid up to his neck, and Roxas couldn't resist the feeling. Axel owned him indeed… His eyelids drooped nearly shut and a soft whisper of a moan crossed his lips as Axel caressed the place his heart thumped against his throat. "But it is your heart I wish to claim."

Nothing mattered.

Nothing except the man in front of him and the words kissing his ears. Roxas couldn't explain it. Where before his mind at been a cluttered mess, it was now void of anything at all. This was it. What he had wanted; what he had needed. That…confirmation. He now knew. Knew who he was. Knew what he was.

Knew why he was here.

The shaking stopped, and with his new feeling of security, Roxas lifted his hands to Axel's face, letting his fingers uncurl across his cheeks. He leaned forward slowly, taking his time as he closed the space between their lips, pausing only once, before sealing their mouths together. Oh, how wonderful that felt, how natural! He fell into the kiss just as hard as he had fallen into the first one, the one he had initiated the evening after he'd first arrived at the mansion. He ran his fingers into Axel's hair, and felt his heart collapse when Axel let him pull them closer together, when he reached out to touch him and hold him, too. He kissed him with all he had. To _show_ him. He kissed him until he had no energy left. Only enough to move his lips from Axel's, and smile softly, brush aside the flaming hair that had escaped its hold, and whisper quietly.

"But you already have."

* * *

><p>If things had felt different before, they were a world away from normal <em>now<em>. After Roxas' little confession, everything either of them did seemed to be charged with enough tension and energy to move the entire world. And for all it meant to Roxas, it might as well have done just that. As Axel washed his hair, and then helped him dry off, and slipped him into one of those oversized t-shirts, and crawled into bed beside him. Like a magnet, Roxas instantly settled himself against Axel's body. Yes…this was perfect. This was bliss.

This was _it_.

Except, even as he waited expectantly, Axel wrapped him up in his arms and held him close…and that was it. That same forced distance placed between them. It was then, as Axel drifted off to sleep beside him, that his former words began to make any sense at all. This entire time, these two weeks, Axel had been treating him so preciously because…because he truly, really cared about Roxas. He knew that now. And in order to prove it…Axel…did he feel the need to _control _himself? Or was he simply waiting for Roxas to let him know it was okay?

Because Roxas…he was ready to move on.

It was true, that he was young and naïve and probably stupid by all means, but he was ready. He knew without a doubt that it was love between he and Axel, and that nothing could change that. It was time for him to repay Axel for his kindness and his patience. But more importantly than that…Roxas wanted it, too. More so than he believed possible. He _wanted_ Axel in a way that transcended what he had ever felt for his brother, for his previous master, for anyone he'd ever known. It was a desire to not only love, to please, to adore…but to complete himself. To make himself whole with a man he wanted to never let go of again. To be with the one…the one who made him feel like more than just a mistake.

His lips found Axel's skin without him even realizing it. Somewhere amidst his ponderings, his mouth had slowly begun to caress the distinct line of Axel's prominent collarbone. He wrapped his lips around his collarbone and moved them as expertly as he knew how - which wasn't much, really. But Axel wasn't responding. In fact, he'd gone completely still. Stiller, even, when Roxas summoned the courage to lick slowly along the protruding bone. It was one of the dirtiest things he had ever done.

And something about it…was nice.

The delight he felt in touching Axel this way, so intimately…somewhere deep down, he knew that he should find it wrong and be repulsed - but that was impossible. His desire was doubled by a passion so strong, he could not deny it. So he licked and sucked and dared to nibble delicately, until Axel suddenly grabbed him and rolled him over onto his back to stare at him with eyes that glowed green, intense and bright filled with something so powerful it was nearly frightening. Knowing that his actions, his kisses, had caused such a terrifying look of heat conjured a shameless sense of accomplishment in Roxas. And so he gazed up at Axel with all the longing and adoration he felt.

"How old are you?"

It wasn't _exactly_ what Roxas had been expecting Axel to say. He blinked at the man hovering above him, trying to put two and two together while his mind fiercely demanded to know what the hell _that_ had to do with anything. But then it clicked and Roxas flushed brightly, eyes widening in recognition of Axel's breathiness and panic.

"Eighteen," he said softly, nodding when Axel stared at him, unmoving. "I just turned eighteen."

"Then happy fucking birthday," Axel suddenly laughed, and descended on him with no more hesitation or qualms. As Roxas accepted and returned the blizzard of passionate kisses, he could not help but note the irony of the situation. A happy birthday indeed…

Before he knew it, though, Axel was trailing down his body, marking every piece of his skin that his mouth caught on the way down. He only paused once, to pull Roxas' shirt up from his torso and pull it over his head. As soon as it was tossed to the floor, however, Roxas couldn't help but reach forward for Axel's shirt. It only seemed…well, natural after all. Axel's look of surprise, though, made him think twice. But then the redhead laughed again, kissed him briefly, and removed the shirt himself.

After that, it was another long, wet journey down Roxas' chest, one that made him gasp and squirm and moan with delight. He couldn't help reacting the way he did; any sort of inhibitions he'd previously held had simply vanished at Axel's touch. It just felt right, the way Axel held him and kissed him. He knew how to respond without ever haven't done it before. It was entirely new, yet driven into his system as naturally as breathing. When Axel's tongue suddenly dipped down past his hip bone, sliding sneakily past the elastic of his boxers, though…it gave Roxas a start.

He hadn't realized how far Axel had been going, and it took everything he had not to react like a child. A part of him was so startled that his first instinct was to jump away. On the other hand, a small side of him was actually frightened, wanted to tell Axel _no_, not to go any further. But the other bit of him…desperately wanted Axel to do that again, to do it again and go deeper and lower. His hand had somehow made its way to his mouth, and he bit down hard to keep himself from crying out, to keep himself from doing anything drastic or anything he might regret. But Axel was smiling up at him, and his fingers were tugging at the boxers bit by bit, and Roxas could do nothing but bite down harder until his skin nearly broke beneath his teeth. As soon as he let out that first little whimper, though, Axel jerked them down so hard they slid clean off his legs.

And for some reason, it took Roxas by surprise. Or maybe it was simply that he'd been expecting it and now it had actually…well, happened. But the weight, the anticipation, the tension. They fell right off, and in that moment, it was just himself as he was. Roxas, unclothed, tiny, petite, as large as he ever would be. Lying before Axel, on display as much as he had been standing on stage; possibly more so, considering this time, he really did care what his onlooker thought of him. Which, of course, made all the stress and worry of being naked in front of _Axel_ - or anyone, really - come right back on, tripled.

But his fears were set aside - or more accurately, promptly squashed - as Axel took to stroking the side of his member gently and tenderly. It felt just like everything else Axel ever did toward him: sweet, kind, and loving. He could feel the hitch in his breath, and the moan that soon followed it. With that moan, he knew he should have felt embarrassed - it was such a…dirty sound. But it was still a natural one, and nothing felt more right than letting his head lie against the pillows, tilted back, and just letting himself savor the feeling of Axel touching the most intimate part of his existence.

"Has anyone ever touched you here, Roxas?" Axel purred softly, in a tone that made Roxas feel both weak and strong.

Because that question meant Axel _cared_ whether or not he was the first, and that gave Roxas power - and yet, it made Roxas melt all over, into nothing. He lifted his head, looked Axel in the eye, and shook his head. And it was the truth. Suddenly, though, Axel squeezed, and pressure sent Roxas into an world of something more pure and unexplainable than nothingness could describe. It was something that summoned one moan after another, as Axel squeezed and pulled and stroked and pumped, something that filled and emptied Roxas all at once. He had no idea _what _he was supposed to feel. All he knew was that he loved the sensation almost as much as he loved Axel, and that he was growing louder and louder by the second.

"Has anyone ever…" Roxas felt lips press sweetly, lightly to the tip of his member. He gasped out, fingers curling into the bed sheets. Ah, with the silk beneath him and Axel above him…a paradox of cool and hot, of soft and hard… "Tasted it?"

"No," he breathed, incapable of controlling his body. It shook hard, and even as he felt Axel position himself above him, he could not keep it from trembling.

"Good," Axel growled, one last time, before his lips replaced his hands.

And engulfed Roxas with the most divine oblivion.

* * *

><p><strong>I really am curious as to why Birth is so less...popular than Chains. Maybe because those who read Chains don't want to read Birth? It isn't as well written? I dunno. -_- It bothers me only slightly. I don't have much to say this time, because I'm tired, and for some reason I can't possibly fathom, I hated writing this chapter. It was a pain in the butt (which makes no sense, because it's technically already written...) but I just wanna go to bed. Goodnight, my lovely readers (as few as there are of you). <strong>

**AnimeCountDown**


	6. Wordless

Roxas woke to a uniquely foreign feeling. It was something like a perfect summer day: crystal, water skies and soft, billowing clouds, a gentle breeze to cool his face and the affectionate sun to warm it. In a way, it was like tasting candy for the first time as a child, like placing that delicate-looking little sphere of chocolate on his tongue, savoring it as it melted in his mouth, licking the smudges from his fingers so none of it went to waste. A little like rain, when it's soft and just warm enough to ward off the chill in his bones, as he tilts his face to the misty, rumbling heavens.

Some combination of these sensations, each part that was perfect about them, coiled in his stomach as he awoke, content to stay there and keep his core warm. Warm on the inside, where his heart resounded with every slow and powerful thud, where his lungs swelled with every deep and careful breath, where his stomach fluttered and trembled as lean arms tightened at his waist and pulled him in close.

To the source of heat that warmed him from the outside. To broad shoulders and a toned chest, to long legs and to narrow hips. As the arms squeezed stronger and stronger, Roxas let out a breath that came out more like a squeak, and he opened his eyes to look at Axel's magnificent face.

Axel, who cared for him. Who took him in at no cost. Who looked after him carefully without reserve. Axel opened his playfully grinning eyes, and Roxas returned his smile, accepted his sweet kiss. Slow and tender, lips moving gently together. Roxas arched into Axel, curling his arms around his neck in an effort to bring their bodies together more so than reality allowed. As always, Axel held him as though he was something utterly precious. Too precious to break. Too precious to release.

When he pulled away, Roxas couldn't describe the sensation that flooded his senses. It was a combination of panic, of fear, and of disappointment. He only knew that he didn't want it to end. He wanted that kiss to last forever.

It was almost like Axel knew. Because he leaned forward to capture his mouth once more, forcefully this time. Roxas shuddered as Axel's lips nudged apart Roxas' and his tongue slithered forward to lick the roof of his mouth and caress the corners of his lips. Fingers trailed down his back as Roxas met Axel's tongue with his own. Every bit of it was unbearably slow. Slow and delicious.

The kiss was over before Roxas realized, and he blushed when Axel licked at his lips, and the saliva that had gathered between them. He chuckled and smiled, pressed his forehead to Roxas', who could not keep either the heat from his cheeks or the adoration from his eyes.

"I love you."

Roxas blinked.

He already knew that. Of course he knew that. Axel's love was clear, in everything he did for Roxas. It was the kind of love that filled him up until there were no more empty spaces in his bruised and battered heart. It filled his senses. He saw it in his eyes, heard it in his voice, felt it in his touch. He could _taste_ it, in his kiss, and even smell it in the musky, bittersweet scent of the love Axel had displayed to him just the night before.

Roxas already _knew _that Axel loved him.

So why couldn't he move? Why was his throat in knots and his heart in tangles? Why was his brain sputtering frantically in search of a response, one that should have been so obvious? Why? Why was he so surprised, so startled, so…hot? So fuzzy? So confused and weightless and _free_? Why did those words strike him so, as an arrow would to his heart?

He was allowed no time to think through his muddled feelings.

"Breakfast!" Axel declared, with a quick peck on his nose before rolling from the bed. "Come on, Roxy. I have things to show you today."

* * *

><p>They actually did begin with breakfast, in the dining room, where Roxas usually didn't eat with Axel. It made him warm inside when Axel pulled out his seat and had a meal brought out for both of them - or maybe the "I love you" side effects had yet to wear off. Roxas didn't think they would for quite a while.<p>

They chatted for a good while as they ate a breakfast more delicious than anything Roxas had ever imagined. He'd thought Kairi could make a stunning meal - well, Axel's chief blew her skills out of the water. The more they sat at the table, Axel asking him a million things about his past that Roxas had never imagined anyone would ever want to know, the more Roxas become comfortable. It was like it was suddenly…normal. He told him everything, from all the chores he had done back home and all the friends he had made and even some of the people who picked on him. He even talked about Sora, and was surprised to find that it didn't hurt as much as it used to.

It was only when Xemnas appeared, as he'd promised, to summon Axel away. As soon as he entered the room, Roxas averted his gaze, his ears ringing until Axel pressed a comforting kiss to his forehead. And then he vanished, through the door where Xemnas had disappeared.

As soon as Axel left, though, it seemed Kairi entered. Seeing her was enough to make him blush - the last time Roxas had seen her had been in that very dining room; except then, Roxas had been hysterical. But she greeted him with the same kind smile she'd had on the first day they'd met.

"I heard you caused Master Heart a bit of panic," she said, giggling when Roxas' face lit up even more. "Don't be embarrassed about it. It's…cute. How much he cares about you."

Neither of them spoke, for just a moment, but Roxas finally found his voice.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, raising his eyes to meet Kairi's surprised ones. "I didn't mean… I just…don't want to take him from anyone."

"Oh, Roxas!" Kairi gasped, smiling almost sadly as she reached over to place a hand on his cheek. "We don't hold a grudge against you for making him happy. We have all come to terms with our decisions, but we never… We don't love him in the way you do."

"Love?" Roxas spluttered, jerking back and reddening upon sheer instinct. Kairi blinked at him. "I… him… You think I love him, too?"

She was quiet, her eyes searching him.

"Do you?" she asked, and when he stammered, she shook her head to hush him. "To answer your question, I do think that. You two are something special together. Don't be afraid of it, okay? I came to see you because I knew we'll probably not see much of each other now that Axel has shown everyone how much you mean to him. The rest of the girls and I…we wanted to…wish you luck, I guess."

When he realized she had finished speaking, Roxas hiccupped, wiped frantically at his tears. So many people were filling him with love and kindness, so much he had no idea what to do with it all. He didn't even deserve this!

"You're such a sweet boy, Roxas," Kairi sighed, leaning forward to wrap him in a warm hug. "I'm… I'm glad you ended up here."

Roxas clung to her.

"Me too."

* * *

><p>Despite their tearful "goodbye" of sorts, though, Roxas found himself in the company of Kairi and Namine and the others more so than before. Something changed after Axel spoke with his father, like the turning of keys and the click of the door unlocking just before it swung open. Roxas didn't have to stay cooped up any longer; he didn't have to hide. It seemed as though he was given a new position, a new title, and he was suddenly treated like he was someone important in the household. Servants he didn't know well treated him politely and respectfully, calling him "sir" more often than anything else. And while Luxord still watched over him, he was free to do as he pleased around the mansion. And with such freedom, he spent time with the girls more often than not, regardless of what they were doing, whether it was yoga or shopping or even eating. When Axel was busy, Roxas found that he had his own friends. His own life.<p>

Which wasn't to say that his life became any less focused on Axel. He was still Roxas' everything, his cherished wholeness. Nearly every second they were allowed, they were together. Whether that meant exploring the gardens at twilight or eating out at five-star restaurants or visiting famous American monuments - it didn't matter what they did. Axel made it happen. Any time Roxas so much as uttered curiosity over something or expressed interest in another, Axel gave him everything. It made him feel spoiled and almost wrong, but…loved.

Like the nights when Axel would pleasure him… Without fail, without hesitation, without asking for the gesture to be returned. Every night, Axel put stars in his eyes and warmth in his core; he did things Roxas never thought should be done. And he'd be left, moaning and sighing, as loud as he had ever heard himself. And Axel would kiss him deep and place words upon his lips.

"I love you too damn much."

He said it often nowadays, but Roxas could never summon anything more than a panicked stare. His breath wouldn't come and the words felt foreign and twisted in his throat. Trying to speak during those moments was like trying to fly without wings. He felt lost and unsure, like at any given moment, the world could break, and he'd be left to fall through the center of it into nothingness. Anything he did could tear that moment asunder, and leave him alone, in the darkness, where he never wanted to be.

But he was able to show him, maybe, if not tell him. Despite all his fears and terror, Roxas managed to muster the courage to sit upright after one of these long night. Though his body was weary, though his muscles complained and lazily protested his movement, he sat right on up and threw himself at Axel, knocked him right over onto his back. He didn't really know what he was doing, but it felt right, to slide one leg to rest at Axel's hip and to settle himself snugly over top his groin. He pressed into Axel, keeping his wrists pinned to the bed, and he attached his mouth to Axel's throat and sucked, lapped - did all the things that drove Roxas crazy when Axel did them.

He had no idea what he was doing. But it was better than feeling completely lost, than feeling alone, and empty. And awful. So he just kept going, doing everything that his instincts told him to, and that somehow led him down, down, down, until Axel was tugging on his hair and Roxas blinked up hazily, in surprise, unsure of what was happening or how or even why…

No, he knew why.

"Roxas, you don't have to," Axel gasped, and as he did Roxas could only think of all the times Axel had touched him, had made the effort to unite them, had brought them closer and closer together. As one. And of all the things Axel had sacrificed to give Roxas everything. To never push him. To never hurt him.

He swallowed Axel as much as he could, trying not to grin helplessly as he did. Because in those short few moments, everything became so surreally heightened, it was like watching a dream distant in his memories. Like this was how things were supposed to have been for the past few weeks…months… The feel of soft flesh pulsing in his mouth, the sight of Axel's head thrown back in ecstasy, the sound of his name screamed in intensified pleasure, the smell of sweet and salt, the taste of it as it streamed down his throat.

The kiss that followed, and Axel's blissful, inescapable words.

"I love you."

* * *

><p>It was all perfect. Supremely perfect. This world engulfing him slowly, letting him ease inside at his own pace, this world that gleamed with what had almost been lost to him. So perfect. So tangible and real and alive, so close, so in his reach. So perfect.<p>

It disappeared one night. When his own world - his world, that gleamed as much as the dust on a chunk of coal - came crashing upon him as though the sun itself had exploded. It was a night as amazing as all the others, sitting in the gardens with Axel, and enjoying the beautiful weather. And Axel was whispering sweet things, holding him close and kissing him every so often.

"You know, I have a huge thing for blue eyes," he said softly, and Roxas smiled to himself. He thought of Kairi and Naminé, and all the others with their identical, perfect blue eyes. "I think it's my weakness."

"I noticed," he giggled, unable to be annoyed at Axel for it. Roxas was sure that if he'd grown up like Axel, he'd have a weakness too. Besides, it was only an eye color after all. And despite sharing that color with all the girls, it was still Roxas who Axel shared his time with, who leaned down to kiss him gently on the nose upon speaking his next words.

"Do you know why?"

"Why?" Roxas whispered, his heart thudding in anticipation for Axel's next words. Soft green eyes peered at him from sharp, angled features, and after a brief pause, he answered.

"Because…well, at least I think it's because…it's the only real thing I remember about my mom."

Roxas felt his stomach lurch as the words spilled from Axel's mouth, and for a moment, he couldn't think to do anything but stare up at him blankly, feeling everything and nothing all at once. He didn't know how or what to feel right now. Now, all he could focus on was those words and those eyes, and how they echoed with a pain that came from a lifetime of unanswered questions and lingering regrets. Roxas stared at Axel helplessly, clueless as to what to say. But he had to say something, but the last thing he wanted was to leave Axel in the dark, after he had shared with him this moment, this precious thing no one else could give him. That no one else would ever trust him with. So he said the first thing that came to his mind, the first words that slipped from the depths of his heart.

"Did she die?" he asked, and when Axel's shocking green eyes fell on him in quiet disbelief, he just continued to stare. And then he exhaled, wrapped his arms around him, comforting both the redhead and himself as he snuggled closer, and said, "Mine's dead, too."

Roxas didn't know what he was expecting, but when Axel gathered him up and began to cry, the blonde couldn't stop the tears from coming. Axel was supposed to be strong and unbreakable, but in this moment, he was as weak as any man. And again, Roxas felt honored, privileged…loved, to be shown this beautifully raw Axel that he'd never imagined being able to see. He could feel the tears as they weighted down his hair and seeped through the threads until they dripped onto the sensitive skin of his scalp. And he could feel Axel's body shuddering slightly, softly, just barely and heard his breath come in gasps, in shaky breaths that were as timid and unsure as Roxas' own, on the day he'd first been brought here.

How that had been the most perfect day of his life. A blessing shrouded with darkness, that he'd only needed to work to find. He'd struggled, bit by bit, to pull away at the layers of grim black, until he'd found the silver lining and let it wash over him… And this was the moment that defined everything Roxas had been working for. It was his strength and happiness and his certainty that against all odds, he'd found his family, his home. This place where he belonged in this big wide world he'd once thought was frightening and cruel. And sometimes, he still thought the world was frightening and cruel. But now, he felt like he could take on a little bit more of it, and survive a little bit longer.

So, when Axel cried, Roxas cried. Out of happiness and sadness and something else he couldn't quite describe, something that needed a word because it deserved one but could never have one because no word was good enough. And Axel held him tighter, and Roxas clutched harder and pressed closer, both of them slipping away as the sun bid its farewell over a brilliant scarlet horizon. They cried until their eyes were dry and the sky was black and they ached as they hesitantly and unwillingly released each other.

Axel cupped his face in his hands, those hands that could lift Roxas through the storms of hell without faltering, and brought their lips together. Roxas could only hang on, and hope that it wouldn't end. But it did, only to be followed by a series of more, short and sweet, long and deep. Axel kissed him until Roxas couldn't breath, and they were forced to stand and stretch their legs and fill their lungs with fresh oxygen. And then, with a gentle grin, Axel offered his hand to Roxas, and the blonde bashfully took it, eyes swiveling downward and his cheeks lighting up in the dark. But Roxas wasn't embarrassed. He didn't _feel_ embarrassed.

Just happy.

So then they strolled, like they always did. With faces streaked with tears and lips swollen with love, they strode together in a half-silence that was both muted and filled by the breeze and the chirping of insects and the heat that wafted softly between them. Finally, when Roxas' heart had come down from its high and he no longer shook, he squeezed Axel's hand and met the green eyes that turned to him questioningly.

"Do you want to talk about her?" he asked, not feeling the need to hesitate or look away now. Not with this between them. But Axel's breath caught and he looked uncertain for a moment, before shrugging. His pace never changed.

"I guess I wouldn't know what to say," he admitted, as though he felt silly for bringing something up he didn't really even want to elaborate on. But Roxas just smiled encouragingly. "I didn't know her well or anything like that…"

"When did she die?" Roxas offered, watching Axel's expression carefully. The question didn't seem to bother him, but he took his time thinking of an answer.

"I guess she lived until I was around five," he said, and Roxas felt his fingers dance across the back of his hand for a moment and then squeeze tight soon after. A nervous twitch? No, Axel didn't look upset or worried. He just did things like that sometimes. Things that made Roxas breathe hard despite himself. "Got sick or something. She had red hair like me…but it's her eyes I remember."

"I bet she was beautiful," Roxas sighed, staring at the high, sharp cheekbones and nimble, lithe figure that Axel could have never inherited from his massy, intimidating father.

"She was," Axel said, nodding, oblivious to Roxas' thoughts. He giggled as Axel swung their hands absentmindedly, like one of those glorified happy couples on TV. It was accurate. This felt like TV. Like a book. Unreal. Godly unreal. "I've seen pictures of her. She could have been a model, but Dad said she was short. Tiny. Like you. I bet yours was gorgeous, too. Just look at you."

"I don't know…" Roxas breathed, warm from the compliment and yet hesitant to dwell on the darkness that was his earliest memories. The person that was his mother in his mind was a withered woman, a precarious assortment of bones jutting out from beneath wrinkled, yellowing skin. Hair falling out, teeth rotting at the edges, fingernails peeling back, stride diminished to a hobble, eyes bulging in hollowed sockets. But still, there might have been some faint trace of the woman she used to be, somewhere deep in his memories. Somewhere he'd buried, or maybe those memories had just gotten lost accidentally, beneath all the other ones. The ones that still throbbed like an ancient bruise that never healed. "I lived with her until I was about…nine, I think. She might have been pretty before she wasted away."

"Do you miss her?" They were at the top of the patio stairs now, which surprised Roxas more than Axel's question. They'd already walked the length of the garden already. He bit his lip, then relaxed and tilted his head.

"Not really," he realized, thinking out loud, his face drawn in as he considered whatever feelings he had left for his mother. There weren't many left, and if anything, they were relatively neutral. He figured she'd done her best to hold on for as long as she could. And even if she'd abandoned him, he liked to think she'd put him near the orphanage deliberately, done it for his own good, because she'd known her end was coming… It was nice to think of it that way, and it gave him peace. So he shrugged a little and answered honestly. "It was better after she died. I had a real home after that. I had food every day and a bath. Clothes. And a family. That was the best part."

"So you miss _them _then?" Roxas stared at Axel, who wouldn't meet his gaze now. He licked his lips and shifted unsurely as he pondered his next words. And Roxas couldn't tell whether it was the pain or the jealousy in his eyes that upset Roxas the most. "Your family, I mean. Your…master."

"Well…" Roxas couldn't lie. He'd become skilled at not thinking about his past and letting the emotions that came with it suck him in like a vortex. But they were still there, and his heart throbbed at the mention of Sora and the rest of his family. "Yes, I do. I mean… I miss the warmth and some of my friends. But it got different in the last year. Or maybe it didn't and it was always like that - I just started noticing how it really was… I just…I don't know. A part of me is curious as to what happened, why he sent me away…"

Overcome with his own words, Roxas simply acted on instinct. He grabbed Axel's head and pushed himself up on his toes, and pressed his mouth to Axel's so he could breath him in and absorb everything that came with the brilliant man. Axel was motionless against him, but Roxas prevailed, and when he pulled just a breath away, he whispered softly.

" But the other part of me is so happy here. Why would I want to ruin this?"

He could say no more. There were words in his mouth, but he was choking on his love, and waiting for Axel to sweep in and save him. Except he didn't.

"I want you to stay with me," Axel sighed, but he was tense and his eyes flickered fearfully. Roxas inhaled sharply, his heart dropping. His next words were like a hard, fist-curled-and-thrown-as-hard-as-possible jab to his face. "You are more to me than I ever thought you would be. Roxas…I said it once before…and as much as I meant it then, I say it now with ten times the passion: I love you. I do. I really love you, even if I can't understand it or control it. And if you need something, I will provide it for you. I will give you whatever you need, whatever you want, Roxas. And if that happens to be your past… I can take you there. If you want… I found your home, Roxas… I can…take you to it…"

It was the last words that shook his core until nothing remained.

* * *

><p><strong>So I know I haven't updated in a while, but things have been crazy, and I'm trying. I've written a freakin' ton of Inferno Princess, my Amongst Hell Are Angels sequel. It's a Naruto fic, so I'm not sure if any of my ChainsBirth fans would be into that, but I'm really liking the way it's turning out so far. The "teaser" for it is posted on my page. I say teaser, because I'm not promising any updates soon... even though maybe half of it is already written. Anywho... I don't really know what else to say. Kind of numb right now. I just want to get this done so I can start the drabble-sequel. **

**AnimeCountDown**


	7. It Must Make Sense

It was hard to even look at Axel as he walked out to the car, so he didn't. If he looked into those kind green eyes, he might have been able to see Roxas' doubt. His hesitance.

He didn't know what he'd first felt when Axel had told him he knew where his old home was. At first, he was afraid to think he'd felt betrayed. Which was ridiculous; Axel had _told _him. He was taking him home. But a part of Roxas wanted to ask, how long had he known? How long had he kept that information from Roxas? He quickly shoved away such invalid fears.

But that only left room for a whole array of unbalanced emotions. There was a deep, warm thing swelling up in his chest, and he couldn't determine whether it was excitement, fear, or anger. He wanted to see his family, yes! Of course! He still loved the ones he had left behind… His fear, was for Axel. What would happen to them? Would it all fall apart, this beautiful relationship? Was it all coming down to what happened at the orphanage?

What if it had all been a mistake? What if Sora wanted him to come back? What would he do then? How would he decide who he loved more?

And the anger… He hadn't known he'd had so much of it until last night, when Axel had told him they could go back. He had thought about it all night, all morning, but he still wasn't sure what it was for. It was there. But was it directed at Sora or Axel?

Nothing about his confusion settled as they climbed into the car and prepared themselves for the ride. Axel had warned him it would take a while, and a small part of Roxas wanted to snap that he already knew, since he'd made the trip once already, in the back of a moving van, soaked and terrified. But he didn't say a word. He just sat back and prepared himself for whatever awaited him.

* * *

><p>When the passing world became familiar, it was like a spark of electricity that ran through his whole body, and the more he saw, the more insistent the shock became, until it was a permanent tingle residing in the core of all his nerves. He recognized that mall, where his mom would take him to sleep under the benches and the supermarket where they'd dig through the trash after closing for dinner. The same places Sora would take him to buy his first new pair of shoes or an ice cream cone on a hot day. There was a furiously confusing mix of good and bad that had never hit him before, because this place had never been a memory of a part of his past. His moments with his family, with Sora, had never been grouped with what he thought of his mom. It had always been "now" and "then". Now, everything before Axel was all his past, something that no longer existed. He didn't know that he was okay with that. With Sora being a <em>was<em>, and not an _is_.

The hours he'd spent in the car were all catching up to him, and the longer they drove through this city - Rochester, Axel had called it - the longer is seemed to take. Every landmark took a century to pass by, and the road went on eternally, never-ending. He itched in his seat, swaying from side to side, biting his lip, and digging his fingers into the soft leather seats. There was a park he knew well, an old-fashioned candy store, an abandoned house with a broken window in the back, a school he'd never attended, a gnarled tree that protruded from the pavement and stood tall like a statement of rebellion.

And then suddenly, they were there.

The tall brick building with the curling veins and the stone steps and the windows…and the door…

He took in a deep breath, lip trembling, and when he let it all out, it was as shaky and unstable as his heart. What was he supposed to do now? Was this the moment he jumped out of the car and streamed for his old life and all that was in it? Was this the moment when everything went back to the way it used to be?

Was this… Was that was he was supposed to want?

"It's okay, Roxas," that sweet voice cooed, longer fingers turning his head so that all he could see was green. He could only stare, his mind a mess, Axel's eyes the only anchor, as the words drifted through his head, "I'll be right there with you."

Right there. Right there. Right there as he forced himself to climb out of the car. Right there. Right there as trudged up the steps, careful to keep his balance. Right there to knock on the door loudly, because Roxas could not find the strength to lift his arms to do so. Right there. Right there. Right there.

How could he ever live without him _right there_?

Axel was always supposed to be by his side, because these days… Well, these days were the good ones, weren't they? Or were they? Why was he in this position to begin with? Who was supposed to be there for him? Right there beside him? Was it supposed to be Sora? The one who shoved him into the back of a van? Or Axel? The one who saved him from that van by buying him for his bed?

The door swung open.

He watched his mouth move, but nothing really registered except fluffy dark caramel-colored hair and blue eyes that matched his own.

And all of a sudden, it was like nothing at all had changed.

With a cry of joy, he leapt into Sora's arms, and hummed softly in delight when strong arms circled his waist and held him close, held him tight, held him as though nothing else could ever matter. He inhaled deeply, pressing his face to Sora's neck, taking in the scent of him that he hadn't realized just how badly he'd missed. Oh, and how he had missed this. This feeling of familiarity. This feeling of absolute completion. How could he have ever survived without his brother?

"I love you so much," he whispered, hushed voice sweetly familiar. He pulled away from him, their eyes meeting, and Roxas inhaled sharply as everything about Sora's perfect cerulean blue absorbed him. "I can't believe it's actually you! Gee, Roxas, you look great. Where have you been?"

"Oh, um…with Axel," he answered, smiling softly as he turned to the tall, red-haired man who still stood patiently at his side. Blinking the tears out of his eyes, he gestured toward him and grinned at Sora. "Sora, this is Axel. He's been taking care of me. Axel, this is Sora."

"Ah, the famous Sora," Axel laughed, and Roxas let out of a breath of relief at his natural ease. He smiled politely, giving a small nod, but when Roxas turned back to Sora, his blue eyes were reproachful and untrusting. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Huh…" Sora muttered, studying Axel carefully, sizing him up. He could be so protective. "Thanks for taking care of him."

"It wasn't a problem at all," Axel said, making Roxas flush head to toe.

"Rox, you're not letting him hurt you, are you?" Sora blurted, so suddenly, Roxas couldn't help but laugh at his concern.

"Sora, no! Of course not!" He smiled up at Axel, letting his love pour through. "He…he would never hurt me."

"He'd better not," Sora grumbled, and Roxas hit him playfully, tilting his head back and laughing freely. When was the last time he'd laughed like that? Axel…he could make him happy, but being with Sora was a different kind of happy. It was effortless. "I'm not kidding, Rox."

"Axel is safe," Roxas promised, shaking his head. "He's been nothing but good to me. He's been teaching me all sorts of things and he gives me shelter and food and… He's so good to me, Sora."

There was a moment of awkward quiet between them, and Roxas couldn't help but feel a stab of guilt. Here he was, bragging about the good food he was eating and the mansion he'd been living in and the education he'd been getting for the past few weeks.

"Don't worry, Rox," Sora reassured him, ruffling his hair gently. "I love you no matter what. I'm happy for you. If you're happy, then I have nothing to complain about."

"How did you ever get to be so amazing?" Roxas giggled, blushed lightly and staring at his feet. Struck by a sudden thought, he jerked his head up excitedly. "Oh, how is everyone else, Sora? Can I see them?"

"Um… Rox…"

"How about Hayner?" he jumped in, grinning, standing on his toes to peer over his shoulder. "Oh, and Pence and Olette! I can't wait to see them all!"

"Roxas!" Sora shouted, clutching his shoulders and giving him a firm shake, one that stunned Roxas into both silence and surprise. That look in Sora's eyes… It was the same look. _That_ look, that had left him standing in the rain, stumbling toward entrapment. "I can't really explain it, okay? But you left, so you can't come back. You need to go. Go back to wherever you've been staying."

"Sora, what are you talking about?" Roxas forced out, shaking his head. He stared at his brother, telling him with his eyes what he couldn't say with his tongue. _Please don't do this. _"Sora?"

"You need to leave, Roxas," was all he said, his tone stronger now. He began to back away, his eyes on Axel. Speaking foreign words. Commands that he would never give to a stranger. "You'd better take good fucking care of him. I swear to god if you don't…"

"Sora…" _Don't leave me again. _He reached out, hope lingering in the empty spaces between his fingers.

"I'm sorry, Roxas," he said, so soft, there was no doubt it was a farewell. "You live a really good life, Rox. I love you."

"I-" _No!_ But the door was already shut.

But it couldn't be shut. That didn't make any sense. If it was shut, then that meant that all of Roxas' fears had been true. It would mean that Sora really had thrown him out of the orphanage, had tossed him out to fend for himself in the cold and the rain, wet and alone, at the mercy of cruel old men with perverse desires. It would mean that he had never had a family. That all of it had been a lie. That, in the end, the hope that he had harbored, secret even to himself, was crushed. There was nothing _after_ Axel. There was no returning to his past, or everything going back to the way things used to be. He'd had no idea that that's what he had been expecting. That that's what a part of him desperately wanted. For everything to just go back to him and Sora. No giant houses. No servants. No special classes. No silk. Just him and Sora and the park in the sunshine.

"But…Sora?"

It couldn't be gone. It being gone didn't make any sense. It just didn't make sense. Then there were walls closing in around him, made of warm, breathing flesh - that didn't make any sense either. Who was this tall, redheaded man holding him dearly to his body? Who was he? Who was he here, in this city, in this world? They didn't mesh, couldn't coexist. His eyes were so hot they burned, and the muscles beneath his skin itched with the desire to cling to the boy no longer by his side. He could just barely register the words as they drifted to his ears.

"Let's get you home."

"But…" That didn't make any sense. If they were going home, why were they leaving? If they were leaving, then they had to be going home, and if they were going home, shouldn't Sora be coming with them? Sora was home. And home… "Home…"

"Let's go, Roxas," he urged, and as Roxas met those fierce green eyes, he saw the battle tearing Axel apart. Axel. Axel, who bought him, who took him home, who didn't want Sora to take him. He pulled against his grip. No, he couldn't choose between them. He could not lose one to the other.

Before he could make up his mind, before he could so much as challenge his own thoughts, Axel had lifted him in the air and made him a captor within his arms. And every step jolted him, another step away from Sora. Away from everything he _needed_. He twisted and squirmed, but it was no use. He fell limp, his blood pounding in his head and making it impossible to move. It was simply impossible. Letting out a cry, he summoned what little strength he had, his head muddled and hazy, and struck Axel as hard as he possibly could in the chest.

Except it _wasn't nearly_ as hard as he possibly could, because the tears started coming and the warm and masculine scent of Axel touched his nose, and he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He was already so lost, so confused. Sobbing, he grabbed onto Axel instead, and drew him close.

As close as he possibly could.

* * *

><p>The days passed in something of a blur.<p>

There was Kairi sometimes. And on occasion Luxord.

But mostly, there was the bedroom, the bed, and his dreams. The moments when he wasn't required to leave the room, he didn't, and the hours he didn't need to be awake, he wasn't. He spent his time with his face buried in the pillows, body curled beneath the blankets, too-warm and feverish, head in the clouds and stuck in the past he refused to let go of.

It didn't work when Kairi brought him breakfast with the other girls, and tried to feed him cheesy eggs and fresh berries and spiced apples or tried to lure him from his bedroom with a flower at his nose and a promise of the gardens. Something stirred within him at every mention of sunlight or laughter, but he was too weak to nurture the feelings of life within him. He waved them all away. Or he just ignored them.

He couldn't be inspired to do anything but lie in bed and find consolation in his dreams, where things made sense and Roxas and Axel coexisted and he didn't have to choose between anything and everyone was happy and he never wanted to wake up. The world he was creating was perfectly sweet, and the taste of reality that came with the shock of every morning, every time he opened his eyes, was bitter in his throat.

"Roxas?" It was Axel. Creeping through the door, letting in a shard of terrible light before shutting them both in darkness and treading across the room quietly. He was awake.

The bed dipped beneath Axel's weight, and Roxas stared ahead at the blackness, curled in his ball, as Axel crawled his way up the mattress. Roxas' lack of response didn't stop Axel from wrapping around him and pulling him flush to his chest. The line of buttons from his waist to his collarbone pressed into his spine, and though it was uncomfortable, something about the edge of pain made him not mind being awake. He didn't really realize he was crying until he noticed the buttons shaking, rubbing marks into his back - except _he_ was shaking, not the buttons. They lay there. Just like that. Until Roxas was overcome by a numb calm, and could relax as much as he could expect.

"What is wrong with me?" He hadn't known he'd wanted to ask that question. He didn't know he _was_ asking that question, until it was already hanging in the air.

"Nothing, Roxas," so smoothly, pressed warmly to his throat. It was such a sweet kiss. "You're perfect."

"Then why does he hate me?" he burst, the tears coming anew, his entire body folding in on itself.

"He doesn't hate you," a quick murmur. A tired one. "No, Roxas, he loves you. He wants what's best for you. He just wants you to be happy."

That didn't make any sense. Sora sent him away because he loved him. He sent him away because he wanted what was best for him. Leaving was best for him. Being bought. Being owned was best for him. He sent him away because he wanted him to be happy. Being sent away would make him happy. He twisted over and gave Axel a long, hard look. He peered into his eyes, and read them as he drunk in his words and tried to make sense of them.

"Do _you_ want me to be happy?"

It was a genuine question. And it was an accusation. It was both. But he didn't expect Axel to explode.

"_What_?" he exclaimed, ripping himself back as though Roxas had struck him in the face. In all honesty, he very well might have. Roxas knew that. "Of course I do, Roxas! _What the hell_?"

He narrowed his eyes, frowned intently as he pulled himself into a sitting position. He didn't want to be a pain about this, but it made no sense. It had to make sense. Sora and Axel didn't make sense together, not in the same world, not in the same mind, not in the same universe. If yells and tears came of it, then so be it, but he was determined to sort this out. Nobody would leave him alone until he was better and he wouldn't be better until things _made sense_. So he said what _did_ make sense.

"You're saying Sora sent me away because he loves me. Yet you still keep me as your slave."

The look Axel gave him made him cold all the way through.

He regretted it instantly.

"_My slave_?" he snapped, sitting up as well and staring him down. "_That's _what you think you are? Is that what our relationship means to you? That I hold you here against your will and abuse you without giving you freedom?"

Roxas couldn't really tell if Axel's questions were rhetorical or serious. On one hand, the sarcasm was dripping easily from his tongue, so hot and heavy it was like scalding molasses on his ears. But then again, he couldn't help but hope there was the slightest hint of worry as well in Axel's voice. And Roxas considered it both ways, and decided that no. No, Roxas was not Axel's slave.

"I'm no better than Kairi or Namine," he sighed, and he didn't really mean it like _that_, like the way it sounded when he said it, but he'd already said it and he couldn't take it back. They were bought just like he was, and they were limited just like he was, and they were blue-eyed just like he was, and they were here to please Axel…just like he was. Except he… Did he have that choice? Suddenly, though, Axel was grabbing him, turning him to face him, green eyes blazing furiously.

"Is that why you share my bed every night, Roxas?" he yelled, and he really, truly yelled. Roxas shrank back, not only from the question, from the raw emotion, from the tone of his voice, but from himself. From the guilt. From what was so painfully obvious he couldn't even say it out loud. "_Tell me! _Is that why you are the first person I seek for when I come home? Is that why I have spent every minute of the past few months adoring you? Is that why I tell you I love you? Is that why? _Because you're my slave_?"

He couldn't stop shaking. There were a million things roaming his mind, and he couldn't really sort them all out, but things were starting to align and the important thing were becoming clearer and the silly worries and senseless doubts were becoming weaker and weaker the longer he sat, trembling, bracing against Axel's firm, strong grip. Abruptly, Axel pulled him into an embrace, and before he could even react, Axel was staring him in the eye. They were both crying. He cupped his face and pierced him with that fiery green.

"_I. Love. You_. You are everything, Roxas. Why the hell would I not want your happiness, too? Maybe Sora knew something about that place that you didn't. Maybe he was just protecting you. _But he loves you_."

_Oh, please stop._

"You are so perfect, Roxas. There is no way anyone would cast you from their life without reason. And maybe I'm selfish for keeping you here, but I really don't give a fuck anymore. Because I just love you too damn much _to ever let you go_."

_You don't have to say anymore._

"I'm thinking about you every second of the day, living and breathing in wait of the next time I can see you and hold you. Kairi means not a fraction of what you do to me. Not Namine or Xion. _None of them_."

_It makes sense now._

"I would give them all up. You can't possibly understand what I would do-"

It was just too much.

"I love you, too."

They stared at each other for a long while, or at least it felt like a long while, anyway. They just stared, because it was all they could do. And then suddenly, it was as if someone breathed new life into them both.

"What?" he breathed, and in his eyes, Roxas saw a light he'd never seen before. A look of wonder and happiness and disbelief and something that said _this can't be happening._ "What did you just say?"

"I meant to say 'I'm sorry'," he answered, blushing pink at the look of sheer amazement that had overcome Axel. How could anything he said bring anyone so much joy? He loved lots of people. And he'd told lots of people that he loved them. Hayner. Olette. Sora. But Sora had never looked at him like _that_. He couldn't escape it. _That gaze_. "But… I didn't…"

"Roxas," Axel breathed, pulling him in close, and his heart was thudding wildly, and he couldn't see anything else except those eyes and everything suddenly made sense like it hadn't before, and he let the euphoria wash over him like liquid crystal. "_What did you say?"_

"I… I love you."


	8. Sunrise

He woke long before Axel did, but then again, he had a feeling he'd fallen asleep long before Axel had as well. He woke to sunlight and the blissful sensation of butterflies in his stomach. It was the most marvelous awakening he'd had in a long time. There wasn't much to do but watch the room grow lighter as the morning crept upon them slowly, and stare at Axel as the sun made his face glow bright. He looked like an angel in it… A peculiar angel, with his fiery hair and narrow features, but nonetheless, he was Roxas' angel. And regardless of how quiet, how still the room was, he was content with the morning, with gazing upon Axel and doing nothing else. He was happy being awake, and being in Axel's arms, and for the time being, forgetting everything else.

There would be a time when he'd worry about Sora and a time when he'd sort out his feelings concerning his past and his present and how it all fit in to his future. But for now, he just wanted to enjoy the idea that he _had_ a future. With Axel, he had everything.

Even so, lying there for hours as he did, his limbs grew stiff and sore, and eventually, his stomach began to grumble fiercely at him. Pressing his lips together, he considered waking up Axel, so they could eat together, probably a brunch instead of a breakfast taking into account the shadows that now crossed the floor. But he decided against it and slipped instead from his arms to creep to the dresser by himself. He gathered his clothes, casting glances at Axel every so often to see if he stirred, but he remained quiet and still, like the rest of the room. It was the epitome of a picture perfect ideal for Roxas. Everything about the scene that lay before him left him content and at ease. He could ask for nothing more to wake up to every morning.

A soft smile kissing his lips, he slipped into the bathroom and showered well, for the first time in the last few days. He was shocked Axel could have brought himself to lay next to him for so long; he must have smelled horribly from laying in bed, hair an oily mess, sweat a thin extra layer of skin. He used his fingertips to lather the shampoo into his hair so hard it left his scalp aching and raw. The conditioner he used left it light and fair, as soft as his silk. The soap had him smelling something like cinnamon and vanilla, something like Axel, but sweeter on his own skin.

He climbed out and dressed quickly, in clothes finer than anything Sora had ever even touched. He let himself think about him now, let himself feel the pain and loneliness that came with Sora's absence and betrayal.

In a pair of tailored khaki pants and a baby blue v-neck that matched his eyes, he traveled downstairs and ventured into the kitchen by himself. He only needed to poke his head in the back, and he was met with surprised eyes and welcome grins. The chef sat him down and filled the table with so much food he doubted he'd ever be able to eat even half of it.

But by the time Kairi joined him at the table, he'd eaten what felt like his own weight in croissants and omelets and scones and crepes, and still, he felt as though he could devour more and more. He met Kairi's amused and careful smile with a bashful one, covering his mouth to keep anything from falling out. She laughed aloud and gestured to the ravaged feast before him.

"I suppose you _would _be hungry, after starving yourself for so long in that room up there," she joked, and though he knew she meant well by it, he blushed heavily and ducked his head in shame. His behavior had been ridiculous. She shook her head, though, and took a seat beside him. "Don't worry about it. We all dealt with it, when it hit us that there was no going back. For some of us, we handled it the first night we got here. But a lot of the time, it takes a while, sometimes even months, before we realize how final it is."

Roxas nodded, drinking in Kairi's words. He met her gaze, searching her eyes carefully. As blue as they were, as much as they matched his own, they were centuries wiser than his would ever be. She couldn't be any older than Axel, but she had been nothing to him but the mother he'd craved since abandonment. He sipped his orange juice as he considered his next words, pulp sliding down his throat thickly.

"What about you?" he finally asked. It was the only thing he could really think to say. And he wanted to know. He could see her hesitance, but as he set down the glass, he turned to her and urged her to answer him. "When did it hit _you_?"

There was a silence, and while before it might have bothered him, he waited for her answer patiently. He knew that she would give it eventually; if she had been planning on keeping her secret, she would have already said so and moved the conversation along. But instead, her gaze had grown distant and her fingers gripped the edge of the oiled table, leaving smudges across its surface. He didn't know if she was lost in her emotions or her memories or maybe both.

"I was the first one," she said softly. And for some reason, that notion shocked Roxas. The idea that there had once not been an entire harem. That once upon a time, there had been only one. Roxas couldn't imagine how large the house might have seemed. How empty. How cold. He'd had an entire family to welcome him. Kairi had had nothing. She didn't look at him as she continued. "I was eighteen. The same age as Axel at the time. I guess… It came to me that night. Or more accurately, the next day. When I was alone, in the women's quarters. There was no one to talk to, so I had a lot of time to think on my own. To cry… I let it all out that first night. My grief and my regrets and my disgust for myself… For signing up for this… But I wasn't letting go of much of a past, so it was easier for me than some of the others, than _you_. I lived by myself here, until Namine came. And then it wasn't so bad. Because I had a purpose. I had a reason for being here aside from the obvious. I could still mean something to people…"

He lunged forward to embrace her, catching her off guard and nearly throwing them both out of their chairs. But her arms found his waist and she buried her face in his neck, and for the first time ever, when he cried, she cried with him.

* * *

><p>"What are you talking about? It's a <em>great<em> idea!" Xion exclaimed, her grin so wide she looked like a sly little cat. Her good spirits were as high as the manor's tall ceilings, and despite the tension-filled room, she showed no signs of relenting.

"In theory, maybe," Namine bit, her soft voice contrasting sharply with her irritated tone and the brilliance of her narrowed eyes. "But if you're wrong about the outcome, then I could get in so much trouble."

"_Big_ trouble," another of the girls added, one with a striking crop of bright blue hair and a mind that worked as quickly as her mouth. "If Master Axel doesn't agree to this, and Namine causes a delay and makes them both late, then who knows how the masters will respond. They could punish her in any way they see fit, and that could very well mean kicking her out of the house. We can't risk that."

"But he'll _love_ it," Xion insisted, shaking her head at all of them with a bright laugh. "I mean, can't you imagine the look on his face?"

"Oh, I can imagine," Namine muttered, crossing her arms and turning away from the group with her lips pursed. Before anyone could respond though, she sighed and slumped. "Look, it's not that I really want to _go_. I mean, I like dressing up and all, but pretending like I'm _dating_ him is… I mean, it's awkward for everyone. If I didn't think there'd be consequences, I wouldn't even care."

"But there won't be consequences," Xion assured her, patting her shoulders comfortingly, though by the glare Namine shot her, it didn't look too comforting. "It's just something that Axel would never do himself. Look, if you get in trouble, I'll take all the blame."

"You can't take the blame!" Namine shouted shoving her off her shoulder. "It's _me_ who will make them be late, _not you_."

"Oh, come on," Xion whined, her smile diminishing by a mere fraction. "You won't get in trouble. Let's just do it!"

"Maybe when Master isn't so stressed," Aqua suggested, and there was a general murmur of agreement among the girls, though some of them looked a little disappointed. There was probably an even fifty-fifty split between the girls: those who were with Xion, and those with Namine.

"But this is the perfect thing to just ease his mind!" Xion said, but Namine only rolled her eyes and huffed.

"You can't keep me from going," she snapped, frowning at her. But when Xion grinned at her widely, she let out a frustrated groan and whirled around. "Kairi! Tell them they're being stupid."

So far, the red-haired leader had left herself out of the conversation, remaining quiet and not taking any sides as Xion and Namine bantered. Everyone in the harem had gathered in the women's quarters common room by now, but Kairi and Roxas had both been there from the start. She leaned against the arm rest of the couch, Roxas sinking further and further into the plushy seat beside her as the argument continued. She'd said not a word, not to any of the girls or to Roxas, though the blonde boy looked to her constantly to see if her expression changed. But she remained as motionless as she was silent.

Now, she watched Namine and Xion with calm, studious eyes, seemingly unbothered by how they both waited for her response anxiously. Kairi sighed, bringing her hand to her chin to rub it thoughtfully and stare at the ground as she did. Then she ran her fingers through her glimmering hair and cocked her head to the head, exhaling loudly and slowly. Finally, she twisted to look down at Roxas, lips pushed to one side, a look of sincerity upon her face as she came to her conclusion.

"It should be Roxas' choice," she answered simply, before turning back to Xion and Namine, both of whom were gaping. But then Namine's lips curled into a smile and she looked smugly at Xion, whose expression was less than thrilled, more uncertain than excited. "Did either of you even ask him?"

"Uh…" It was the most Xion could summon because no, she _hadn't_ asked Roxas. No one had. Her blue eyes turned to Roxas, who shrank as soon as all eyes were on him. "Well? Do you…you know… Do you want to go?"

"Yeah, _Roxas_," Namine sighed, breathing easier now that she knew she was off the hook. Kairi's word was law, and from the way everyone's expression had changed, it was clear that everyone would be abiding by Kairi's decision. And everyone thought he wouldn't want to go. "It's up to you. Whatever you want to do is fine with me."

Roxas swallowed hard.

He tried to find someone to stare at, someone solid and _not_ watching him like he might combust at any moment - which was very likely at this point: bursting into tears, that was. Everyone looking at him made it impossible for him to even think about thinking.

Well, since the start of the conversation, his mind had been ablaze with life. The idea of joining Axel in public…at an important event… It thrilled him in the same way silk had for the first time, the same way learning every stroke of the English language had, the same way being taught what quiche was. Except it was _that_ combined with the same feeling he got when he lay in bed with Axel or when he stared at him across the table or when they snuck into a corner of the gardens to play… And of course, there was a little bit of fear. Because Namine had a point…

But still.

The issue was the party that Namine was supposed to go to with Axel. Apparently, it was customary for Axel to use the girls as dates whenever he was in need of one and didn't have anyone he was genuinely interested in - which, according to the girls, was never. Axel didn't date. And now, they joked, everyone knew why. Sex was one thing, but he didn't want a girl by his side. He wanted Roxas. Which was why Xion had suggested that they surprise Axel by getting _Roxas_ ready for the party and _not_ Namine.

It was the surprise part that was tricky.

He didn't want to piss Axel off, but he could admit that he would love to do something like this for Axel… That was, if Axel was okay with being open about their relationship. After last night… Roxas wanted to say that he'd be fine with it, but it bothered him that Axel had asked Namine to begin with. Then again… he'd been in a fit of depression when the situation arose…

"Well?" Xion urged.

"To be honest…" Roxas breathed, biting his bottom lip uncertainly. His gaze switched from Namine to Xion before he whimpered and buried his face in his hands. But not before saying quickly, "I want to go."

There was a fair amount of silence.

"_What?_" Namine shouted, just as Xion threw her fist in the air.

"_Yes_!" she exclaimed, and in a second, everyone was chattering. Roxas whined, turning to Kairi for help.

"Kairi," he sighed. "I want to go with Axel…but I don't want to make him angry. What do you really think?"

"I think, if you want to go to that party with Axel, then you should let him know," Kairi said, and the rest of the girls hushed. "He means more to you than any of us, and I think that if anyone should have the right to stand by his side, it should be you. You _want_ to be there, so you should be there. And you mean more to him than the rest of us as well. So, even if he's annoyed, the worst case scenario could always lead to Roxas apologizing for the entire thing, and I'd bet Axel wouldn't think twice about forgiving and forgetting. For Roxas' sake."

"Well…" Namine sighed, sinking a little bit and nodding her head in consent. "When you put it that way, it seems cruel not to give Roxas the chance. And…to be honest, it'll be more fun getting him all dressed up than doing it myself."

"Is it really okay, Namine?" Roxas asked, and was surprised at himself for sounding so eager. He hadn't realized… He really wanted to do this.

"Of course, Roxas," she said, smiling kindly at him. Her anger had dissipated. _"_Who could say no to you?"

* * *

><p>Turned out, getting ready took a lot of work.<p>

They started by throwing him into the bath. His comments that it was unnecessary - he was perfectly clean - went by ignored and brushed off. They stripped him, unashamed of his nakedness, and at this point, he couldn't really bring himself to feel embarrassed around them. They were so _busy_, so focused on taking away his clothes and fixing his bath, that it wasn't even like he was naked. He was just being mothered by a bunch of loving women.

They dropped him in the bath, which was full of frothy bubbles that smelled sweet, like a combination of vanilla with a splash of mint - Axel's favorite scent, they promised. Then they set about cleaning him _everywhere_, like that first night, after the van, but much gentler. They scrubbed his hair with different types of shampoos and conditioners and other hair products that smelled delicious, and washed him everywhere, from behind his ears to beneath his nails, until his entire body tingled with the sensation of _clean_. They even grabbed him out of the suds to rinse him off in the shower, so the water rinsing him off was pristine.

Afterward, they graced him with a towel and sat him down in front of the mirror in the bathroom. One pair of hands went about drying his body with a small hand towel while another set his hair on fire with a hair dryer. Kairi was dabbing some type of oil on his neck and his spine and his legs, and Xion began to trim his hair so Namine could style it with mousse - fluffy up at the forehead and tamer as it traveled down his head. He liked it like that, and he made a point to ask Namine if she'd show him how to do it later.

Then came the makeup. When Kairi pulled it out, his jaw literally dropped and the look he gave her must have been hilarious, because the girls all started giggling. Really, though, he had never had many "manly" moments. He didn't like sports or lifting weights or hitting on girls - but there was a line.

And that was the line.

But she assured him that there wouldn't be a problem. It wouldn't be obvious at all that he was wearing makeup. All she wanted to do was even his skin tone, make him glow a little bit, highlight his cheekbones, contour - he couldn't really follow it all to be honest. So after the first minute of her trying to explain was foundation and bronzer was, he just shook his head and told her to have at it. And she promised him that they could wash it all off if it made him uncomfortable afterwards. He could trust her.

By the end of it, she was right. It took her about fifteen minutes of rubbing creams and liquids and powders onto his face, and when she finished and swiveled him to look at his reflection, he was shocked. He didn't look feminine or prettier. He just looked…better. And that's when she giggled and assured him that plenty of men - yes, even _Axel_ - were accustomed to wearing face makeup. None of the eye glitter or blush. Just enough to make them look young and healthy and _great_. So Roxas allowed the makeup to be kept on.

So then they moved on to the wardrobe, which was a big deal, because they had to decide what looked best on him. They'd snuck up to Axel's room and collected all the formal suits Luxord had had bought and tailored to fit Roxas. The black slacks and black tux jacket were a must, but the question of his vest and tie were of the utmost importance. Red was good for being provocative, but tonight, it was too much. One step at a time, Kairi said. The blue matched his eyes and made them shine, but Kairi still leaned away. They decided on black. It was classic, traditional, and according to the girls, would match Axel's dress perfectly. Which. Apparently. Was adorable.

And that made him complete.

He was exhausted.

"I hardly even look like myself," he chuckled unsurely, tilting his head at his reflection, twisting and turning to catch a glimpse of all the different angles of his face. Around him, the girls all giggled and nudged one another, excited to see him dressed up as he was. Kairi smiled and put her arm around him.

"You look more like yourself than I've yet to see," she said softly, and Roxas had to bite down on his lower lip to keep the tears from escaping.

"I really look okay?" he asked eagerly, twisting his fingers nervously together. "I mean… Do you think I look good enough for him?"

"He will be thrilled to have you by his side," Kairi promised, and she squeezed him into a fierce hug.

* * *

><p>He could hear Luxord shouting, and he thought he caught a wisp of Axel's voice, tired and exasperated. The banquet would be starting in just a little while, and they'd just been informed that Namine didn't <em>feel <em>like going. He bit his lip and squirmed, wringing his hands together anxiously as the girls around him hid their giggles behind their hands. Then they heard the call.

"Kairi!"

All of a sudden, he couldn't do it. What if Axel wasn't happy with him? What if he really just wanted to go with Namine? What if Roxas wasn't good enough to take out in public? What if he was too small? Too young? Too _male_?

"Oh, come on, don't be shy!" Kairi was saying, and before he could tell her he'd changed his mind, she was grabbing his hand and pulling him out while the rest of the girls pushed him from behind.

He stumbled out into the open.

And there was Axel.

He looked taller and slimmer than ever in the elegant black tux that had been chosen for him, and Roxas feared that the redhead was a great deal more gorgeous in it than he was. His hair had been slicked back into a low ponytail, subduing his sharp features and making them seem kinder, but no younger. If anything, he looked almost older, more professional than before. His bright eyes sparked as they laid upon Roxas, and the boy blushed heavily under his gaze. He wanted to duck and hide, but regardless of how uncertain he felt with Axel's eyes on him, he felt…

Wanted.

Desired.

And he couldn't bring himself to turn away from that.

"What the hell is going on?" Luxord suddenly asked, jolting them both from their dazes.

"You see, when we were getting our breakfast this morning, we ran into Roxas," Kairi explained, placing a comforting hand on Roxas' shoulder. But he didn't need the extra support anymore. Everything about Axel's eyes told him that he would not turn him away.

"And I got to thinking about how many big events we've all been to with Axel since our auction dates," Naminé continued, "But Roxas has never gotten the opportunity yet. We thought he could have a turn."

"Besides, it was so fun getting him all dressed up like this," Kairi drawled on. They were rambling. Watching them.

"You like him a whole lot more is the main thing, though," Xion finished, shoving Roxas forward. Right into Axel's arms.

His breath rushing from his lips, Roxas stared up at Axel, whose eyes found him and refused to let go. He could feel his breaths on his cheeks, short and quick, just as overwhelmed as he felt. Everything faded. It was just him and Axel. The idea that Axel wanted him as much as Roxas wanted him… Oh, it made everything perfect again. After last night… After everything they'd been through…

"Are you okay with this?" Axel whispered softly, touching his face lovingly, with such tenderness Roxas mewled. "I guarantee you, Roxas, looking like that, you will steal the envy and love from every pair of eyes that catch sight of you tonight. There will be many people, and you'll have a spotlight all to yourself."

Roxas knew his answer.

"It's a spotlight I'll share with you," he told him, fingers burrowed in Axel's jacket. "And for that, I would do anything."

"Holy hell, I love you."

Hard lips crushed against his own, and nothing else existed save for the powerful press of heat and flesh against him. Roxas couldn't help but cling to Axel with all his strength, wrapping his fingers into smoldering red locks and letting his body bend beneath the pressure of Axel's kiss. It was a beautiful kiss. A passionate one. One that took his breath away and left his heart hammering until it ached.

"And I love you," he gasped, scarcely taking the time to pull away before speaking. He realized he was panting, that he was staring up at Axel through half-lidded eyes.

"Um, sir?" Luxord coughed, just loud enough to shake them both from their stupor. Suddenly, everyone was watching again, and Roxas ducked his head in embarrassment. How could he lose himself like that with such an audience? "The banquet?"

"Fuck the banquet," was Axel's eloquent reply, and even Roxas was taken aback by the brusque statement. Pursing his lips for just a moment, Roxas tugged hesitantly at Axel's shirt, capturing the older man's attention instantly. "What is it?"

"You have to go," he insisted quietly, before flushing bashfully. Biting his lip, he admitted, "And I was kind of looking forward to it…"

And there was nothing else to be said on the matter.

* * *

><p>In the time Roxas had spent with Kairi and the others waiting for the time of his departure, he had asked for council on all sorts of matters. He wanted to be reminded of all the little things concerning etiquette, like what each fork and spoon was for, how the meal courses would come and go, how to sneak appetizers from passing trays daintily without drawing attention, how to nibble attractively at food rather than shoveling it in, how much wine to drink, how to avoid specific questions with blushes and wit and charm, and so on.<p>

But when the girls had scattered a little, and only Kairi, Namine, and Xion were in earshot, Roxas had leaned forward and asked a question that made his ears burn red.

How exactly did one… seduce?

They were all the masters, the experts on the matter, and he was just a boy who'd grown up in an orphanage. If he was going to please Axel, then he needed more than just a few words of advice and his instinct. He needed lessons. And while he'd expected them to laugh at him for his naivety, they only smiled at his inquiries and explained either briefly or in great detail how to do the things that would make Axel thrum with pleasure.

Abruptness.

It was Kairi's first suggestion. Men always loved surprises, and they could best be delivered by taking the initiative in a precarious situation. Take him off guard when he least expected it. Which was, considering Roxas' sexual history thus far, probably any moment of the day.

But he decided to begin the second the car door closed behind them. The back of the limo was wide and spacious, and separated from the front by a thick plate of black glass. So when they became enclosed in the darkness, with only the faded white lights lining the ceiling and floor, Roxas swung around and planted himself firmly in Axel's lap. Shocked green eyes blinked up at him, but Roxas didn't let self-doubt hinder his mind. He pressed down on Axel, capturing a kiss before he could talk himself out of it.

And hell, he was glad he did. Maybe it was because he was so out of it, but he felt like he was on autopilot. Brave and fearless and in control, he used everything he had learned the past few weeks from his nights in bed with Axel to kiss him as best he could.

Tongue.

It was a subtlety that could not go ignored, Namine assured him. There was more to a kiss than lips, she said, and there were certain things one could do with the tongue that could make the knees go weak. Stroke, don't prod. Be sweet, sleek, confident. So he was, using the tip of his tongue to slide across the roof of his mouth, pull back every slightly to lick at his lips. Then he traveled downward, to kiss and lick his way down Axel's throat, to suck on the sensitive skin of his Adam's apple, and then at his pulse. Soft enough to create suction, but never enough to leave a mark. Marks were inconvenient, and could not be pardoned in public. Axel was moaning beneath him, his harsh breaths filling the room like a cloud of haze.

On his knees.

According to Xion, Axel liked all sorts of sexual favors. He didn't need to go all the way to be satisfied. For public outings, there was a perfect flaw-proof method. All he had to do was… Roxas had been flaming red by the time Xion was halfway through her explanation. Even Namine looked a little shocked by her explicitness. Kairi was grinning.

"Roxas…" Axel whispered, and Roxas glanced up from his place between his legs. He couldn't really remember how he'd gotten there, or how he'd ended up unzipping Axel's pants or pulling them down his legs. But he was here, and Axel was staring down at him with lustful eyes. "Please…"

It only intensified his sudden inspired confidence. Being begged like that, like he was doing everything right, like he was in absolute control… He'd never felt dominant in his life, but with the way Axel was staring at him, he was holding all the power in the world. With no hesitation, he curled his fingers around Axel's member and pulled him from his confines. The skin was soft, like velvet, but the flesh was quickly hardening in his grasp, standing erect.

"Shit, Roxas…" he groaned, and Roxas sighed as his fingers tightened in his hair. Oh, he liked that feeling… He purred, pushing his scalp into Axel's grasp.

Truth.

Be straightforward. Voice his opinions, tell him what he liked and didn't like. Encourage him and be forceful when the times called for it. Actions would drive him crazy enough, but Axel was a man of both the physical realm and the mental and emotional one. Hearing what Roxas had to say was as much foreplay as making out was.

"Axel," he murmured, low and whispery, just like Kairi had suggested. At the time, he hadn't been able to imagine using such a tone, but now it came as naturally as breathing, as naturally as sucking lightly on the tip of Axel's member. Lips brushing Axel, he whispered, "I think… I really do enjoy this…"

"Oh really?" Axel gasped, and Roxas almost giggled at the way he tilted his head back. He dragged his tongue along the under side of his member, and delighted in the way Axel's grasp tightened. "What part?"

"Pleasuring you," he answered, so smoothly, he surprised himself. He said it gently, a whisper. He glanced up at Axel, and breathed out, "I…like it when I can make you sound like that…and make you look like that. I like it…a lot."

"Trust me, Roxas, I like it to," Axel chuckled, and Roxas smiled at that. "I love it more, though, that you enjoy it too. Because you know…I'm more than happy to return the favor."

But Roxas shook his head, even when Axel began to insist, and he silenced him with a gentle bite. Not enough to hurt him, just enough to create a bit of tension. Axel tensed above him, squirming, his fingers curling and uncurling repeatedly as Roxas continued to tease him. It was almost as if…

"Axel," he whispering, caressing the insides of his thighs and squeezing lightly. When Axel cocked his eyebrow, breathless, Roxas blushed at his next words. Be honest. Oh, but they were so _embarrassing_. "I don't mind if you're…rough with me… You're not forcing me… I…I want you to."

The look on Axel's face wasn't one he could describe. He couldn't really tell what it meant, but it looked like a mixture of disbelief and…hunger. Again encouraged, Roxas gave his sweetest smile, blinking up at him hopefully.

"Please?"

"Holy damn, Roxas," Axel groaned, almost as if he was giving in, like he was doing Roxas a favor - which to be honest, he kind of was. Because his grip tightened and Roxas gasped at feeling his hair being tugged, the way it pulled his scalp and _almost _hurt, but just enough to make his own member twitch in anticipation. With a hum of consent, he took Axel into his mouth and sucked, and it came as naturally as everything else. He didn't know how he knew what to do - he just did it. He just poured everything he had into sucking, bobbing his head up and down to make sure every bit of him received enough attention. And with every passing second, Axel's grip became rougher, his palm guiding his head quicker and quicker. "Oh hell… How are you so fucking good at this?"

He murmured around the cock in his mouth, voicing his gratitude even if he could not speak out loud. He felt Axel's fingers twist, and he couldn't resist the moan that forced its way up. Axel was arching above him, gasping for breath. He wanted to see those eyes, though. He had to get his attention. It was easy enough. He just let his teeth grace the tip of him, and instantly, Axel's eyes were on him. He gazed down at him with heavy, hot green eyes, and as Roxas smiled up at him and swallowed him whole, Axel came.

It was creamy and bittersweet, something a little salty.

And he drank every drop.

* * *

><p><strong>Woah, I know. Two updates in less than a month. Crazy, no? Well, it's the least I can do, considering I haven't updated since forever ago. But in my defense, I've been rather... preoccupied. I graduated last Friday, and a month before that, I got fired from the job I've had for three years. And for the record, it was not my fault. The store got a new owner, and he had a new policy that he didn't want family members working together. I worked with both my mother and my sister - so my sister and I were let go. It was emotionally upsetting (not only financially) because I've been working there since I was fifteen and everyone there is like my family (or is my family, considering my job was half the reason I was able to see my mom as much as I did.) Anywho, on the plus side, I went and found a new job (yes, the same day I was fired, ha) and turns out, I'm an awesome waitress, so I've been making about four times as much as I used to. Granted, I work every day of the week now... Like, literally, I'm working nine shifts this week, haha. Oh well. <strong>

**But I've been hard at work, even if I haven't been updating frequently. I'm working on my Naruto fanfiction, something I've become quite proud of. It's my sequel to Amongst Hell Are Angels (called Inferno Princess). Seriously, I really want lots of people to read it, even if it is about original characters. Nobody likes original characters. Along with that is another Naruto fanfiction, a SasukeXNaruto one that makes me smile every time I think about it. Then there's this Infernal Devices oneshot I want to finish, one between Will and Magnus. Bah, I love Magnus. Granted, I love him with Alec more, but I like Jem with Tess, so Will has to have someone. And since he and Alec aren't in the same time period, and Magnus needs _someone_, so it's fair. **

**Now I'm rambling. Sorry, but sometimes I treat my updates like an opportunity to blog. I think I'd blog if my life was more interesting. But it's not, so you're stuck reading it here, haha. The only other thing I'm really working on are my cosplays. I'm working on a bunch at once, so it's really disorganized, haha. Right now, I'm modifying some boots for Sakura Haruno's shippuden costume, while my Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games wig is sitting right next to them, about to be Dutch braided for the millionth time. My Kairi and Namine wigs are sitting side by side upstairs in my room, ready to be cut and styled. Oh, I'm a mess, haha. No wonder I never get anything done. Oh, and I'm reading Game of Thrones (finally!) and that takes up a ton of my time. I highly recommend it to anyone in need of a long, intense, mature read, specifically those who enjoy writing styles similar to Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. Martin is a brilliant writer, and I can't wait to go get Clash of Kings. **

**So, yeah, tell me what you think of the chapter, haha. X) I hope you enjoyed it, if not my rambling. **

**AnimeCountDown**


	9. All That Glitters

It was right out of a movie.

The door opened and Axel climbed out first before turning and offering his hand. Roxas took it and stepped into a world that sparkled and shimmered with the flash of cameras and glitter of jewels. It was so blinding, he couldn't see. He had to flutter his eyelashes, blinking, many times before the world began to clear and the fuzz of light turned into solid forms and images. Leading from the limo was a long, plush carpet, bold scarlet against the black night around them. It was a few yards wide, maybe somewhere between two and three, and on either side, clusters of men and women lined the carpet behind thick velvet ropes held up with heavy-looking gold rods. They were all shouting, hands full with cameras and notepads and tape recorders and microphones. It was a beautiful chaos, and it was all focused on him.

At first, it startled him. And then it frightened him a little. But the sheer beauty of it captured him, and as dazed and shaken as he was, he ventured from the safe cavern of the limo and found his legs. They were a little wobbly, like he was walking on the ocean, but Axel's arm was around him, and that was all the support he needed. They started down the carpet of red, and Roxas stared wide-eyed at what lay around him. Axel fell into his stride perfectly, his charismatic smile natural and charming. He waved and met the flashes head-on, not shying from them or averting his gaze. They were headed for an oversized set of marble stairs that led to the grand double doors of the building. It was a beautiful building, made of old stone, looking all the world sophisticated and gorgeous. Axel turned his head, and their eyes met, and Roxas breathed in and smiled back at him.

If only Sora could see this. Could see _him_.

His gaze found the glare of one of the many cameras training his every move.

Maybe he was watching.

And he found the thought did not chase away his smile.

As they ascended the steps, the clicking of the camera shutters and the flashing faded, and then arose a new chorus of shouts, and Roxas glanced back to see a new car, a sleek red one, had pulled up to the carpet. He and Axel had stolen the spotlight for a long time, but now they were alone, in the shadows falling over the stairs. The double doors were opened for them and they were ushered and welcomed into a great lobby, with glistening chandeliers that dangled from the ceiling and threw the light from multi-faceted crystals. The walls were lined with paintings and portraits, and sculptures rose in the corners, and hand painted vases held brilliant roses the colors of sunset and peaches and blood. He was vaguely aware of somebody drawing his coat from him, and of a hand urging him forward, but he needed no encouragement to follow the bright red path leading him to those doors.

Past them was the largest room he'd ever imagined. It wasn't a matter of what he'd seen, with his eyes or through a TV screen. Nothing in his dreams or imagination had ever encompassed the massive space of the room he now stood in. Pillars lined the walls, propping up wide balconies with delicately carved handrails, hiding clusters and couples of people in long evening gowns and pressed tuxes. Men in jackets with long coattails strutted around the room, upturned palms presenting with the utmost grace long-stemmed wineglasses and tiny dishes Roxas had never seen. Everything was glorious, from the people to the lovely cloth-draped tables with their candles and china plates, the flowers, the gold, the silver.

He glided across the room as if in a dream. It truly was like a film, when the world narrowed down and all that existed was covered in glitter and haze. The floor was a cloud and the ceiling was a white sky full of golden stars. And the entire while, Axel was by his side, pulling him along, his beautiful smile an anchor in this sea of splendid madness. They paused in a corner, close to one of the pillars, shrouded in the darkness. It was a lovely darkness. One that reminded him of the gardens. Axel reached forward, brushing his knuckles across his cheekbone. Roxas focused on him, on his gentle smile.

"Are you alright?" he asked, voice light and wispy, touching him as though he might burst beneath his fingers. His smile was immediate.

"It's so beautiful," he answered, sucking in his breath. Axel ducked closer to him.

"With you here, it is," he murmured, before kissing him swiftly. Roxas couldn't help but giggle - everything, even _Axel_, was too picture perfect real. More seriously, Axel said, "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself so far."

Before he could respond, a boisterous man shouted across the ballroom. Roxas nearly jump out of his skin, whipping around to face the man crossing over to them. Oh dear lord…

His trial was beginning already.

"Mr. Heart!" he cried, and immediately, Axel's arm went around him. It was the exact opposite of what Roxas expected to happen. Prying eyes and direct attention meant they were to keep their distance, but Axel had him plastered to his side. He stared up at the approaching man with wide eyes. He had a barrel chest and a thick beard a shade of brown darker than the rest of his hair, which was slicked back from his forehead and curling at his neck. He was kind of scary looking…but his grin was bright and welcoming. "What a delight to see you. You've certainly been growing, eh? I can remember the first banquet Xemnas brought you to. Lanky, awkward thing weren't you?"

He couldn't help it. Roxas giggled at the mention of Axel, young and inexperienced. It was a peculiar thought, when all he knew was the brilliant, successful young man who'd protected him since the moment he'd found him. But the accidental laugh earned him two pairs of eyes, one surprised and the other fascinated. The large man's eyes glittered like beetles. But nice beetles, Roxas supposed.

"And who's this young thing?" he questioned, leaning closer to peer at him. The movement was so sudden, Roxas jumped back, pressing himself so close to Axel that he was nearly hidden behind him. But the man thought it was so funny, he threw his head back and let out a bursting, rumbling laugh. "Shy, aren't ya?"

"This is Roxas," Axel offered, nudging the blonde back into the open. Roxas blushed and averted his eyes, but he nearly stopped breathing when he continued, "He is my date for the evening."

The man's head snapped around, and his small black eyes locked onto Axel's face. Roxas sucked in his lower lip, cheeks aflame, but the man wasn't looking at him at all. He was only staring at Axel, his gaze cautious and disbelieving, searching for the lie, the deception, the punch line. Oh, no. This was what he had been dreading…

"Your _date_, you say?" he repeated, raising one brow at him. Roxas winced as Axel's fingers dug into his shoulder, but when he looked up, his smile was as practiced and easy as ever.

"Yes, sir," he answered, and a long moment passed, and beyond the clinking of glasses and the polite murmur of voices, there was a chilling silence. But then the man shook himself free of the tension, gave a shrug and a chuckle.

"Well, to each his own," he finally stated, looking slightly bewildered, but otherwise unperturbed by the idea. He gave a nod to each of them in turn, his eyes no less friendly than when he had arrived. "It was good to see you again, Axel. Maybe we can do business later. Good meeting you, _Roxas_."

He didn't exactly hurry, but Roxas felt like he was gone in a flash, vanishing into the crowds. Even from a distance, Roxas could see the way his jaw worked animatedly, eyes flashing. Roxas turned back to Axel, squinting, not quite sure how to take his expression.

"That went…" he said, struggling for the word. "Well?"

"That went fantastic!" he exclaimed, and Roxas gasped when he leaned forward abruptly and brought their faces together with his hand. The kiss, brief as it was, took his breath away, and Roxas fell back in shock. It only made Axel laugh harder. "Now the news will spread! Now everyone will know you're mine."

Now _that_ really did take his breath away. The idea of he and Axel not only being _together_, but being a public couple, was unfathomable. He found his own grin beneath his surprise and stood up on his toes to ask silently for a kiss. And as Axel bent to oblige him, Roxas wrapped his arms around his neck and inhaled deeply through his nose and let his heart swell until it ached.

If only Sora could see.

* * *

><p>Roxas was relieved when he was allowed to sit down.<p>

The entire night so far had been a blur, a mix of perfectly painted faces and delighted laughter and rich hors d'oeuvres and, of course, lots of Axel in between it all. He paraded him around the ballroom for what felt like hours, introducing him to business partners and the wives of business partners and old family friends. He forgot names seconds after they entered his head, and faces were as temporary as the songs floating from the band in the corner. They lasted just long enough to sink in, leave an impression, and then as soon as he was getting comfortable, it was on to the next one.

At first, their reactions ranged anywhere from speechlessness to laughter to adamant denial.

"Oh, my dear, you _must_ be kidding!"

"The two of _you_? My word!"

"Why, isn't that most peculiar!"

"Well, the Hearts have always been a liberal family, if you think on it."

"Good for you! No need hiding it!"

"I don't believe I'll ever understand it…but he is quite a looker."

"He's absolutely adorable!"

"My, with that cute blush of his, and those blue eyes, he's as pretty as my daughter."

"How precious!"

"What a striking couple you two will make. I'm sure you'll take the world by storm!"

The gushing went on and on, until Roxas was so red in the face, he was nearly sweating under his tux. He had anticipated thousands of reactions and expressions from the people he'd be meeting, but he hadn't considered the possibility that they would welcome him with open arms. To be honest, it was less a welcoming of open arms, and more a snatching and pulling into the depths of a mass of giggling and prying and prodding. They exclaimed over his hair and his clothes and his size and his face and things as silly as his cheekbones and his nose and his hands, and of course, above all else, his eyes. The color, the size, the brilliance, the lashes.

They…simply loved him.

It was Axel who kept him sane throughout the night. Whenever he felt too stressed or got too caught up in the attention, the constant firm grip on his arm would pull him out of the heat and into the cool shadows, behind pillars, by a corner. He would touch his face gently, or hand him a drink that _didn't_ make him dizzy, or kiss him until he could hardly stand on his feet. At one point, when he was feeling particularly foggy-headed, Axel's mouth crept its way across his jaw and over his neck, sneaking to that place behind his ear. He'd been utterly lost, too weak to push him away, too in love to want to.

They caught up with Axel's father - a man who still regarded him carefully, but without the former disdain his glowing yellow eyes had once held. With him was the scarred, blue-haired man who had found him in the gardens. The one who made his skin crawl. He did well to avoid his gaze and keep his eyes either on Axel or his plate as they settled down into their seats, at their table set specifically for them.

The lights dimmed, the music ceased, and whatever it was, this thing Axel had brought him too, began.

It was more or less…well, boring. Lots of speeches and things about politics, and Roxas couldn't find it within himself to either care or listen. The only thing that kept him even alert or mildly interested in what was happening around him was…as always, Axel. Every time he found his mind slipping to wonderland, Axel would grab his hand and squeeze. If his eyes ever started to get too heavy, that hand would pinch at his knee, making him jump. When he exhaled softly, a mere sigh of boredom, his fingers slid up to his thigh, and his cheeks lit up and his member stirred him awake enough that he even giggled.

The scarred man glared at him for that, but Roxas couldn't bring himself to not smile.

He was too damn happy.

"Axel," he whispered, his lips at Axel's ear. Even now, when the redhead turned his head, and their lips brushed against each other, Roxas had the courtesy to blush. He cleared his throat, trying not to appear too bothered or draw too much attention, ""I, um… I need to use the restroom."

"It's across the entrance hall," Axel answered smoothly, but he caught Roxas by his tie before he could turn away. His smile was so wicked, it made Roxas want to taste it. "_Do you want me to come with you?_"

Yes.

"No!" he snapped, both at Axel and himself. But he was a gentleman; he could wait. And it'd be far too obvious if the two of them left at the same time, and if they made any noise then it would…

He shook his head as he slipped quietly from the table to the shadows and on in the direction of the door. Axel wasn't coming to the bathroom with him because it was _unnecessary _and whatever he was insinuating was _wrong_. Or so he told himself.

Still, by the time he reached the bathroom - it wasn't too hard to find after all - he was half hard. Gritting his teeth, he ducked inside and swallowed hard when he saw the bathroom was empty. He only hesitated a moment before dropping to his knees and searching the stalls for feet. Empty.

He let out a breath of both worry and relief, shutting himself inside one of the spacious stalls and pushing his pants down as soon as his belt was undone. The heat overcame him as his cool fingers wrapped around his own shaft and he couldn't stop the soft sigh that escaped with his pleasure. Oh, he didn't know what he was doing. _What_ was he getting himself into? He never would have acted this way before…

But it felt so _good_, the warmth, the pressure, the friction, the speed... He gasped, letting his head fall back against the wall and pumping faster and stronger. He imagined Axel hands instead of his own, imagined his mouth…

"_Ah_!" the cry escaped without him consenting, and he immediately clamped his mouth shut, whimpering against his closed lips. The pleasure was sharp and building, rising, a crescendo…

The squeak of the door was just barely louder than his breathing. Eyelids flying open, Roxas caught his next breath and held it in his throat carefully, listening. Yes, those were footsteps, the gentle click and tap of dress shoes against the marble floors. Trembling, trying to ignore the sweat gliding down his temple, Roxas took a deep breath and tucked himself away as quiet as he dared. The horror of being heard or caught had diminished his libido like popping a bubble. It fizzed out slowly the longer he stood in silence. The footsteps had stopped. There was no noise, no motion from the outside.

Had they heard him?

He didn't know how long he waited, how long it took him to zip his pants without making a sound, or how long it was until the low sigh and the rap of knuckles against the door. It was a lazy, slow knock, and hearing it nearly gave Roxas a heart attack.

"Come out, come out, kid," he drawled, his voice heavy with something Roxas wanted to call irritation… He gulped and inched toward the door. "You can either come out nice and easy or I can drag you out by that pretty blonde hair of yours. Hurry up and pick."

Roxas froze. _What? _

"Tick tock, Roxie," he growled, and a sharp tug at the door made the entire stall rattle. Roxas jumped near sky high and scrambled backward. The man outside gave a low laugh, and Roxas gasped. He couldn't help but find that voice…familiar. "Guess I'm coming to get you."

Roxas didn't know how he did it, but one second, there was a bolted door, and in the next, it was being ripped open and slammed into the stall beside it. It was so abrupt and impossible, Roxas screamed, and with little effort to reserve any manliness he _did_ have. But within a second, the man had covered any space between them and slapped a hand over his mouth. He was too startled to even struggle. All he could do was stare up at the man and his silver hair and blinding blue eyes and hope to the heavens he didn't piss himself.

Riku. That was his name. The man that had often followed Axel to and from work, visiting his office when Roxas wasn't allowed to, the one who he had caught staring at him at various moments of the day. Roxas hadn't seen him in the past week or so, not since the trip to the orphanage. In all honesty, he hadn't really given it any thought. In fact, he didn't even realize he'd noticed until he saw him standing before him. His blue eyes glared down at him, cold as ice.

"What the hell is so great about you anyway?" he muttered, and Roxas swore he was asking himself. His felt his eyes rake him, and shuddered beneath his grasp. Riku scoffed and tightened his grip on his arm, a grip Roxas hadn't realized he had. "You're smaller than a fucking girl. You don't have an ounce of muscle on you. You… What's so great about you that's worth sacrificing everything? If you ask me, you're not worth shit."

He was still staring at those cruel eyes when he felt the stab in his neck, and the blue shattered into black.

* * *

><p>Everything was dark for a long time.<p>

At first, he thought he was dreaming. Images of Axel and Sora passed through his mind in a haze, and a part of him knew that that made no sense at all, because Axel and Sora didn't exist at the same time, not in the same world. It was always one or the other, never both. And he supposed that was okay, because there was no Sora anymore, so he didn't have to choose. There was only Axel now. Axel was all that mattered.

Except he knew that it wasn't Axel, because he kept disappearing. He kept walking away. And Axel would never let him go. He'd never just _abandon_ him. Not like that. Not like _him_.

Not as long as he didn't have to choose.

If he had to choose, nothing would make sense anymore. Not the world or even life. He didn't want things to change. The way things were now was easy. Not ideal, but _easy_. If he had to choose between one or another, he was content to let fate or destiny or irony or pure damn coincidence make the choice for him. He was okay with letting others make all his choices, for that matter. Maybe that made him a child. Maybe it made him irresponsible. Maybe that made him all sorts of things he shouldn't want to be.

But for now, as far as he was concerned, he didn't really care.

It was still dark, still empty, like he was floating midair. That didn't make sense, either, but he wasn't complaining, because it was kind of nice. Except, the more he focused, the more his mind cleared of the haze, the more the peaceful lull became a heavy ache in the back of his skull. And questions began rising to the foremost of his concentration.

Why was he floating? Why was everything black? Where was he? Why did he hurt?

What was going on?

* * *

><p><strong>I find that with stories like this, my chapters range very greatly in size. : Oh well. I'm really just focusing on lining them up evenly with Chains; it's easier to re-write that way. But I found this chapter and realized that it'd been written/done/revised since...well, a long time ago and I just never got around to posting it. Oopsie. **

**For those of you who don't read my Naruto fanfictions (where I recently gave an update about my life and such), I am now officially a college kid. :D (Yes, I'm sure this atmosphere will give me plenty of ideas for fanfictions.) I'm meeting tons of interesting characters (like a dance major with tourette syndrome) and slowly but surely adapting to life in a co-ed dorm (seriously, taking showers and doing laundry is super awkward). Co-ed dorm...hmmm... That's an idea. ;] But anywho, I'm a theatre arts major (concentration in stage management; haha, no, I am NOT a performer) and I have an audition for an a'capella group later today, actually. Chances are, I'm thinking, that I won't make it, but I have terrible stage fright and I really want to push myself to fight that fear. Besides, I sang in an ensemble all four years of high school and it's just weird without it. :/ So, if by some stroke of luck, people are telling the truth when they say "Bri, don't be scared; you have a beautiful voice!" and they do like me/my voice...well, there's no harm in trying. :) **

**Review? **

**AnimeCountDown**


	10. Simple and Clean

"Fucking piece of shit."

Roxas found consciousness in the jolt of pain that accompanied the vicious kick to his ribs. He cried out, but the sound was cut short by the cloth stuffed unlovingly in his mouth. Shocked, he gagged, clamping his teeth down on the fabric and trying to shake it from his mouth. Not that it was any use. It was tied in a firm knot that pressed to the back of his skull, and all that his struggling earned him was another kick to the abdomen. He whimpered, curling into a ball on his side to protect his stomach from anymore abuse.

"Oh, don't even bother," Riku snorted above him. "I'll just kick you in the head, too. Damn brat."

Roxas dared to look up. They were in a large, empty building with concrete walls, floors, ceilings. A frantic search, though, revealed the black SUV with its heavily tinted windows and the open stairwell just nearby him. A parking garage. He sat at the foot of the steps, and when he looked up at Riku, the man gestured impatiently with his hand.

"Go on, get up there," he commanded, nudging him with his foot—and not kindly. Roxas flinched away from him. "Look, I'm not dragging your ass up a hundred damn flights of stairs. Get the hell up there."

Roxas stared up at him, wide-eyed. At first, he nearly jumped up and ran up the stairs. He didn't want to piss Riku off. Who knew what he was capable of? What if he hurt him again?

But then, suddenly, he _refused_. He narrowed his eyes, bit down on the gag, and stared Riku down. Roxas wasn't stupid. Riku wasn't going to do anything drastic. He couldn't. Roxas was his bargaining chip. That made him safe. Sort of.

At least he had the satisfaction of seeing the older man's surprise. _Yes_, he wanted to say. _I have a backbone. _

"You stupid fuck!" Riku screamed, and for a moment, Roxas thought he was going for his stomach again. Instead, though, he dropped down to a squat and grabbed a handful of his hair. With it, he yanked Roxas upright, hard enough the blonde yelled against his restraints. He squirmed, protesting the awkward position. "You think you're brave? _Huh?_ You think I won't torture the fuck out of you? I just need you alive, you brat. You don't need your fingers to breathe, do you? You decide, runt."

Roxas glowered at him through his pain, meeting the perfect, crystal blue that mirrored his own. And looking into those eyes is how Roxas knew.

How he finally understood.

In all the ways Axel loved his blue eyes, in the ways he collected them like trophies, adored them like gems, cherished them like lovers… Axel did not love Roxas for his eyes. How could he?

When the same eyes glowed deadly and cruel before him?

Roxas consented, struggling to his feet with his hands still bound. Riku eyed him distastefully as he stood, watching as he rose and shook himself off. Suddenly, he lashed out, striking Roxas in the side of the head with his fist. Roxas crumpled on impact, groaning as he rolled over on the ground. Everything blurry, soundless, upside down. As he managed to shift onto his back, Riku leaned over him, only now looking smug.

_Fine,_ he wanted to say_. But Axel still doesn't love you_.

He managed to get to his feet again, and this time, Riku let him walk, and up they trekked. Roxas didn't know if there really were a hundred flights—he stopped counting after a while—but about halfway up, the climb had made him too dizzy again. He tried to fight it off as long as he could, but the stairs were steep and Riku pushed him at a merciless pace. He collapsed midway up a flight, sinking to the step he was on, slowly falling back, swaying uneasily—but it was impossible to find his balance. Hands tied and vision fading, he tumbled downward. He felt his side brush something solid on the way down, and for a moment, he thought to cry out for help. But it was only Riku. And Riku let him fall.

The wall stopped him instead, and with the help of his head. Everything was dark for what felt like a long, frightening and blissful reprieve, but then Riku was grabbing his hair again, and the agony was blinding enough to bring him back. Screaming, he twisted and turned as Riku literally hauled him up the stairs by his hair. Up one flight, two, three… The pain was numbing and awful and brought tears to his eyes. Only on the fourth landing did Riku release him, disgusted.

"Hurry the hell up," he snapped, wiping his hand on his shirt, as if he'd been digging through filth. He paused when Roxas whimpered, hesitating, and added as an afterthought, "Before I push you down myself."

Axel was coming. He was. He had to be. As Roxas forced himself to trudge up the stairs—floor after floor—he repeated his mantra. Reassuring himself that Axel was coming for him. Why else would Riku want him? It was the only connection that made any sense. It was the only thought that kept him strong enough not to give up, not to lose hope.

By the time they finally reached the top, he was panting hard, drooling a little around the cloth, and seeing stars. His knees wobbled and he almost collapsed as Riku pushed him onto the landing, but he caught himself on the receptionist's desk with his ribs, doubling over it, eyes shut tight.

Riku was suddenly behind him, chest pressing to his back, hot breath in his ear. Roxas froze, eyes popping open wide as Riku's arms trapped him in.

"How many times, I wonder?" he hissed, so low and angry and close, Roxas flinched away. Riku only pressed closer. "Has he taken you like this? Like you're a dog? Like you're a whore? Because that's what you are. A nasty, filthy _whore_."

Roxas couldn't stop the tears. They streamed without warning and trying to stop them was futile. He didn't know if it was his words or his proximity or what he was insinuating, but Roxas was terrified. Terrified and pathetic.

"You think he loves you? You think you matter?" he growled, and only then did Roxas break.

Crying out, he snapped his head back as hard as he could. The knot cushioned some of the blow for his own skull, but he heard the defined clack of bone as his head hit Riku's face, his startled gasp, and his clumsy, shaken retreat. Unable to think, Roxas bolted for the stairs. It was all that flooded his mind: escape, escape, _escape_, so close, _right there_…

"You damn faggot!" Riku screeched, voice muffled by the hand clamped over his face, but he was already chasing after him. His fingers snagged the back of Roxas' jacket, and panicked, Roxas swung around with Riku's tug, and head-butted him again. Shocked, Riku released him, stumbling backward. "_Fuck_!"

It was another opportunity to run, but the blow of his forehead catching Riku's chin made him falter. His brain was shrieking for him to flee, but his body couldn't respond. Wouldn't wake up. Gasping, he pushed himself a couple unsteady steps toward the stairs, but fell to one knee, paralyzed. And Riku was already on top of him.

He slammed him into the floor with the full weight of his body, snarling as Roxas screamed and cried when his face met the carpet. Riku was spitting hateful things in his ear, but Roxas didn't give him a moment's ease. He couldn't stay down. He had to fight back.

Just once.

At least once.

Still clinging to his newfound resolve, he found the strength to twist and kick, catching Riku in the shin, and then the abdomen, and…oh, shit—those were definitely his balls. Gasping, Roxas scrambled away as Riku groaned, clutching himself desperately, but he recovered quicker than Roxas could find his footing. And this time, he grabbed him by the neck, whirled him around, and slammed the barrel of a gun to Roxas' forehead.

Every bone in his body turned to stone. All he could _see, feel, think_ was that gun, and even Riku's satisfied snarl didn't register until he said:

"That's what I _thought_."

And the side of the gun slammed into his temple.

* * *

><p>He came to in a new room, where it was more or less silent and he was, from the looks of it, alone. Riku had left him on the floor, propped up against a wooden table, still bound, still gagged. The room smelled of leather, paper, ink, and he lifted his weary gaze to take in the towering bookshelves lining the room.<p>

His head was still throbbing, a dull ache that nestled at the back of his skull and lingered. With every beat of his heart came a new flash of pain, and only when he lay his head on the floor and closed his eyes did the agony become bearable.

How did this happen to him? Was this normal? He exhaled loudly, reviewing his last few months. His brother throws him to be sold in a sex slave market on his birthday, where he's bought by an unlikely merciful heir to one of New York's most influential families, who then, against all odds, falls in love with him—even though he's never been gay before—which, in turn, gets him kidnapped and abused by said prodigy's evil business partner. Roxas frowned.

His life sounded like a Lifetime movie.

Those were the kinds that Sora always made fun of, because he said nobody's life was really ever that dramatic. He wondered what his brother would say now, if he could see him. If he knew. Would he regret it? Would he take back all the things he'd said? Did he still think about him? Roxas couldn't keep himself from wondering. His head was too foggy, too bothered, for him to push Sora from his mind. The all-encompassing feelings of betrayal, denial, and depression slowly seeped from his heart, where Axel had tucked them away not twenty-four hours ago.

Axel _did_ make things better. Undoubtedly. But functioning without Sora was like being on autopilot. Like letting life steer him in the right course until he found himself again. It had been possible before, to delude himself into believing one day, everything would be normal again. But he couldn't believe that anymore now. That door slamming in his face had been the loudest declaration of finality he'd ever had to experience. In a breath's time, his hope was gone. It had no place in this Lifetime movie.

He'd manage, he supposed. Longingly and sadly, but not without his own happiness. He was warm and loved and cared for, in ways that very well should have been impossible.

Except for _this_. This he could live without.

He rested in and out of his daze, only half listening for signs of Riku's return. A dark part of him—the part that could fight back—hoped he tripped down the stairs. Or fallen out of a window. Or shot himself with his own gun.

When the doorknob suddenly jiggled, Roxas stilled, wide-eyed. He found the door as it began rattling on its hinges, locked. Someone trying to get in…someone trying to get to him. He cried out against the cloth, but found he hardly had enough energy to muster the noise, let alone be heard, muffled as his voice was. New tears found their way to his eyes.

The door stopped moving as abruptly as it began. Roxas stared at it, willing it to move again, straining to see through the wood. Silent and motionless, he waited, face damp and taut with tears—and then he heard the voices. A low, murmuring voice, and the strong, defined sound that was Axel. Roxas inhaled a shaky breath, and then forced himself to be quiet again, trying to hear what they were saying. Had Axel fallen right into Riku's trap? What was going on? What was going to happen to them?

Was this the end?

He waited. And waited. And waited and waited and waited and waited, waited tense and still and unblinkingly as he watched the door and _waited_ for it to open. Waited to see who would be on the other side. Waited to find out what might become of him after this. Waited to know whether Axel was safe or not. Waited. He waited. For a lifetime.

Everything was silent. They were no longer speaking outside. Every second lingered. Every moment drove him insane. He needed release. All he wanted was to know Axel was safe. That was all he would ever ask for. Ever again.

He heard the key slide into the lock.

He saw the knob turn.

He watched Axel push open the door.

"Roxas?" he called, but then their eyes met and his eyes grew in size and he was rushing to his side like nothing else in the world could ever matter. "Shit, Roxas!"

Roxas could do nothing. Bound in such meager chains as he was, he was still bound and still too weak and powerless to do anything. He had to wait until Axel dropped to his knees beside him and took the gag from between his teeth even to let out the sob he'd been holding in for hours.

"Dear God, Roxas," Axel gasped, and pressed a desperate kiss to his lips. Roxas responded without even trying. His body was working on autopilot. His brain couldn't function. He just knew those lips, knew that kiss, and he knew what to do without even having to think. "I am so sorry, Roxas. God, I am so, so, so sorry. I love you so much."

Oh, _yes_. He'd been worried about him. He'd cared. He'd come. Just for him.

"Please don't leave me," he begged, sobbing, not caring if it sounded selfish or pathetic. He was tired and hurting and wanted to go home. He wanted this all to be over. He wanted everything to be _simple_ and_ clean_ again. Not like this. He sucked in a shaky, tear-filled gasp. "Don't let me go."

"Never," Axel whispered, wrapping tight around him. Just how Roxas liked him to. He could feel Axel's fingers picking at the knots of his binds. The relief of them falling away…was heavenly. "I promise. I'll never leave you, Roxas. I love you so much."

How he had feared he'd die never hearing those words again.

"I love you, too," he rasped, as clearly as he could. He raised his gaze to Axel's and let that green consume him. Unafraid. "I love you, Axel. I love you."

"I will never let anyone hurt you again," he sighed, letting his forehead touch Roxas'. Letting their heartbeats collide. "You're safe, okay?"

A click.

A familiar click.

Roxas hated that click.

"I beg to differ, Mr. Heart."

Roxas hadn't even seen him. Hadn't even known he was there. But of course. Of course it wasn't over, of course there was someone else, of course Riku hadn't been behind all this nonsense, _of course the damn movie wasn't over yet_.

"If you could please stand," he commanded, and Roxas' eyes found him over Axel's shoulder. Tall, evil, red eyes and scarred face and all. Too cliché. Too unreal. Roxas was scared shitless. But he was over this. Over it all. Be _done_. That's all he wanted. They stood slowly, Axel covering him as they did. Protecting him.

But Saix had his gun.

"Now, move away from each other, would you? I know it's just going to _kill_ you, but I think you'll manage."

Roxas inhaled, jerked his eyes up to Axel. Torn. Both of them. Just separate, and they delayed their demise that much longer. But they didn't know what Saix wanted. If they split up…if they gave him that victory… Would it be worth it?

If Roxas was about to die, he'd do it in Axel's arms.

"You'll have to shoot me first," Axel said softly, so softly it was like a kiss. A last kiss. And terrified as he was, Roxas was relieved. They had made the same decision. They did this together. "I'm not abandoning him."

_Thank you._

"_Axel_, come now," Saix sighed, and Roxas would bet he rolled his eyes. He didn't care to look, though. He wasted not a moment of his time. "Don't be stupid about this. Do as your told for once, would you?"

"Not a chance," Axel answered, and wrapped Roxas up so close, the boy could no longer see Saix in his peripheral. All he could see was Axel. He leaned down to kiss his ear softly. "I love you, Roxas."

"Axel…" Roxas breathed, touching Axel's face gingerly. "Thank you…"

"Oh, fine," Saix hissed. "Always doing things the hard way. Always a pain in my ass. Spoiled brat. You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."

Roxas shuddered as Axel placed his head over his, and Roxas buried himself into Axel's chest. He didn't stop the tears. Axel would go first. He would be alone for a little bit…but then he would follow. He'd follow right after, and then they'd be together again. Wherever it was that waited for them after this. Wherever they could find peace.

"Good bye, Axel."

Saix's words were casual. Nonchalant. Bored.

Roxas hated him.

But the gunshot silenced his thoughts.

* * *

><p><strong>It's so shooooort. Haha, I know. And I'm sorry. But I've got a million things going on, and it's hard for me to write, and this is where the chapter ended in Chains. I guess I could have elaborated more on what went on during the kidnap, but oh well. It's already written, I'm not revised, annnnd this is what you get. :) <strong>

**I do hope you like it, and hope you review. I'm working steadily on Inferno Princess right now, and I've been doing my best to start something new, but I'm running out of ideas. I have an idea of what I want, but I'm not sure what fandom I want to write it for or what exactly the details will consist of. I've been trying to write little oneshots in the mean time, but it's ridiculously hard. I'm swamped with theatre, school work, real work, and scheduling daily conflicts. For example, last week I was sick with strep and it's a pain in the ass going to the health center on campus. You have to make an appointment the day of, online or by phone, beginning at 5:00 AM. And they're usually booked by 8 or 9. So after trying this twice and failing, I just marched in and demanded I be given medicine because my throat was going to die. So they gave me penicillin. Which for the first few days, made me sick and nauseous and made me not want to eat anything. No me gusta. Anyway, shit like that happens, and it's annoying. -_-**

**Oh, and my computer charger is broken, so I'm limited to writing/typing/posting when the computer lab opens, and these times don't always coincide with the days my creative side is functioning. You know? So yeah. I'm going to stop rambling now. I'll try to get the next chapter up soonish. It's been almost a year since I posted this first. Not good, haha.**

**AnimeCountDown**


	11. Finale

Axel didn't move.

And neither did Roxas.

They stood in stillness and silence, waiting together for time to begin its normal flow once more. It didn't for a long time. Not in those five or ten or thirty seconds. Roxas didn't know how long it took for the body to hit the ground. All he knew was that somehow, just _somehow_, that body wasn't Axel's.

"You _idiot_."

Roxas trembled as Axel raised his head and peered over his shoulder, precarious with each subtle movement. Saix was on a dangerous edge, like a frightened, angry animal, and the slightest thing might set him off. They were still alive somehow. Somehow. That meant they still had a chance. For however long, this wasn't over yet. Not until it was Axel who hit the floor.

"Not useful for a damn thing, are you? Pathetic."

Roxas flinched. Axel still hadn't moved, still had his body positioned protectively in front of him, so Roxas could see nothing past his chest. He was fine with that. He didn't want to see Saix's cruel yellow eyes or see the body of the man who had undoubtedly taken a bullet for Axel—and Roxas was pretty sure he knew who had taken the hit after all. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Love was such a crazy thing.

"Saix," Axel growled, and Roxas bit his lip as his beloved let him go and turned. He was still effectively blocking his sight, but Roxas managed to peer around him long enough to catch sight of poor Riku, kneeling just a few feet away. Roxas sucked in a long, deep breath, and held it, watching as Riku wavered, as if fighting the fall. "What the hell is this all about?"

"You naïve little child," Saix grumbled, lowering the pistol to his side casually. Almost in unison, Riku's body leaned just a little too far, and crashed to the floor, face-first. As if pulled by strings. "It's for the better, I suppose. He would have wanted me to keep you alive after all of this was resolved anyway. And there's no way that could have happened."

"What the _fuck_, Saix?" Axel shouted, and Roxas shifted, clutching the back of his shirt uncertainly. At least he had Saix talking. If he was talking…he was being careless. Careless meant he would make an error, sooner or later. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?"

"_Why_? You've never been smart, Axel," Saix sighed, his disgust evident. Roxas couldn't help but purse his lips—that was rather uncalled for. And an odd thing to say. "Then again, your entire family has been nothing but one dolt after another, so I can't really blame you, I suppose."

Roxas bit his bottom lip. Saix was actually crazy.

If his goal had been to take over the Heart Industries because he thought the Heart family's methods were unethical, outdated, or anything else…well, perhaps that could be understood. But stupid? It was a stupid to _say_ the Heart family was full of stupid men. If Saix was so disillusioned…that he _truly_ assumed Axel and his father, and all the men before them, were unintelligent men… Somewhere along the road, Saix had really lost it. Or he'd become so arrogant, he was about to make his mistake.

"Saix, I don't understand," Axel was saying, and Roxas could hear it. Hear the pain and confusion and that feeling of being so lost, there _were_ no options anymore. Every road he could take was blocked. There was no _handling_ this situation. "You've always been loyal to my father."

"Of course I have," Saix snorted. "How else could I possibly gain every fraction of his trust, hm? It's not like he was simply going to hand me his business on a silver platter. That is, not without leverage. Which would be you."

Ah. So _that's_ how he assumed they were all idiots. Because he'd managed to fool them. For this long. But then…that meant his mistake had already been made. If they were standing here, and Saix was being careless enough to reveal his plots, his intentions, his true nature, then somewhere, his plans had been overrun by an unexpected course of events…

Roxas glanced at Riku. A course of events that should have occurred right before Riku arrived…

"You think anybody would ever enjoy working for one of you incompetent, pretentious Heart men? Except him, of course," he hissed, kicking Riku with a sneer. Roxas' mind was whirling. Yes, Riku had been working under Saix all this time. Planted to get inside… Change things. Change Axel. Right after… "You think I would seriously be happy wasting my life away in your father's shadow? Doing all his work, making him money, earning him his status? Nobody wants to live like that, Axel. We used to be close, when we were younger. We used to be friends. But things change. You grow up and realize your life is dwindling away. If I let him, your father would suck every bit of me dry. Unaccomplished. Unsatisfied. Withered to nothing but dust."

"Wait…" Axel was still in shock. But it was all clicking for Roxas. One piece at a time. "You aren't happy?"

"Would you be?" Saix yelled, "You spoiled _brat_. You have no idea what it's like to be ordered around like a dog. All because you were born into one family and not the other."

"If you weren't happy, Saix, you could have just left," Axel breathed, but Roxas knew better. He wanted to tug on Axel's sleeve, tell him all he knew, because now he _did_ know. He knew and now everything made sense. Saix _couldn't_ have left. He had too much to leave behind.

"I suppose you're right, Axel, but that would be too wasteful," he scoffed. Sora shoving him out into the rain. Being cast on stage like a dog for show. Being sold. Being bought. This was why it had all happened the way it did. "Why throw away all the work I've done over the years? Why give it all to Xemnas, as if _he_ had created his dynasty? It made more sense to simply work behind his name and create industries nobody ever knew about. Black markets within black markets. It was easy."

The way everything had been changing those last few years…

"New industries?" Axel repeated, head cocked. "You… You created…"

The way Sora had changed…

"And finally, you put the pieces together," Saix sighed.

_Oh, Sora_. Roxas felt tears burn his eyes. _What did he _do_ to you?_

"Destiny Orphanage…"

"More like a house for my little whores-in-training," Saix sneered, and Roxas couldn't see it, but he knew that smile. That cold, cruel, evil smile. "I established it without your father's knowledge about a decade ago. House young boys until they turn of age, and then the real business begins. Teach them the arts of seduction your father refuses to dwell in. Masochism, sadism… You have no idea how much money he was missing out on that."

Roxas wasn't familiar with those words. Masochism. Sadism. But they sounded bad.

"Of course, your little toy there somehow found a way out," Saix muttered, and Roxas froze. That was him. He was the toy. He was it. The change. The mistake. The thing that had sent Saix over. "Don't know how he did it. Customers would come in, see him, and immediately want him."

The staring. The groping. The whispering.

"He was going to be my secret weapon."

His bullies being sent to Master. And never bothering him again.

"I had him untrained entirely. Pure, innocent, ignorant. The customers like that…especially since he's so pretty."

That's all he'd been.

"I should have just given him to them, not waited until he turned eighteen."

A face. A body. A slave.

"A bad habit, I suppose, from working under your father's backward ethics."

The only thing that had kept him safe…

"But he escaped…"

The only reason he had had this chance at happiness.

"The morning of his eighteenth birthday."

"_Sora_."

The name slipped out before he could stop it, and instinctively, he pressed his hands to his mouth. Tears burned his eyes and his cheeks and his mouth, and dripped cold from his chin. Sora had known everything, sacrificed everything for _him_. He hadn't been _tired_ of Roxas. He'd _loved_ him. And had given up all he had—friendship, company, _love_—and chosen to be alone in his suffering…all for him.

"Oh my God…" Axel reached behind him, touched Roxas' arm, as if to assure himself he was still there, still standing, still breathing. And Roxas was. Barely, but he was.

"Somehow, he ended up in the batch of boys I sent to be sold in your father's clubs," he growled, brow knitting. "How _coincidental_ that I was shipping those boys the exact day of his birthday. How coincidental that that particular group happened to be going to the _exact_ club you would be attending that night. How _fucking_ coincidental that _you_ turned out to like little boys, Axel. Do you always intend to ruin my plans?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Axel screamed, and for once, Roxas didn't flinch. If anything, he wanted to scream too. Even if he was still crying and his voice was stuck, he wanted to scream.

"Disappointed things aren't going exactly the way you want?" Saix laughed. "You figured that now that you have what you want, you're just going to live happily ever after. No problems. No interruptions."

_Yes_, Roxas wanted to say. _That's exactly what we're going to do._

"Disappointed?" Axel repeated in stunned disbelief. "Are you fucking insane, Saix? You've sworn loyalty to my father for as long as I can remember, and now you're waving a gun in my face. You think I'm _disappointed_?"

"Disappointed, furious, same difference." Saix rolled his eyes. "Do you really think I care?"

_You're going to._

"You think you're going to get away with this," Axel snarled. He took a sudden step forward, and Roxas gasped as Saix trained the gun on him in an instant. Axel froze. "You've told me about all of your schemes thus far. I'm curious. How the hell are you going to get out of this, huh?"

"Well, like I said, Axel, you're my leverage," Saix explained, and very slowly, began to step around Riku. Step around the room. "If I have you…well, then, your father is like putty in my hands. And if I have _him_…"

Roxas found the gun pointed at him.

"You'll do whatever I say, won't you?"

Roxas' heart stopped. _Say no._

"Don't do this," Axel replied, his voice considerably weaker. He moved to get in front of Roxas again, but Saix shook his head.

"Ah, ah, ah, stay put, Axel," he reprimanded. He nodded to Roxas. "You. Come over here."

"Roxas…" Axel's voice was careful. He went to step in front of him again, but Saix only clicked back the safety. Roxas took in a breath. "Saix…"

"Axel," Roxas whined softly, pulling on his shirt. Axel turned, but Roxas was already walking. This was the only way. If it meant they were all safe, it was truly the only way.

"Please, no," Axel whispered, and his fingers suddenly found Roxas' face, his long, cool fingers cupping his cheek. Roxas whimpered. "Don't…"

"I won't hesitate to shoot either one of you," Saix interrupted. "Get your ass over here."

Roxas took a step back.

"No."

And abruptly, he was somehow back in Axel's arms, and then shoved behind him again, protected, just like that, once more, by Axel's body. Safe from harm, for now. He paused, peered around Axel, unsure of himself or the situation.

"I'll do whatever you want. But you can't have him."

"Don't make this difficult, idiot," Saix hissed, and Roxas saw it. Axel had done something to push him, and now Saix was teetering on his little ledge of crazy. He was running out of room. Eyes wide, Roxas watched.

"Likewise, Saix," Axel retorted. "If you want my help, you're not going to lay a finger on Roxas, got it?"

"You're not in any position to be making demands," Saix reminded him, and for a moment, they did nothing but study each other. Both men, geniuses in their own rights, were calculating their every option. Finally, it was Saix who spoke again. "You've always been too ballsy, Axel… You always make the risky investment."

"And you're always too damn predictable," Axel shot back, and for some reason, Roxas felt the challenges, the accusations, went far deeper than just this one instance. These two men knew each other. Knew each other well.

Axel drew first.

"Whatever you were planning," Axel said, "You know, you could have gotten away with it. I really think you would have. And if making some extra cash behind my father's back made you happy, then hell, you could have been happy, because I don't think he stopped trusting you for a second. But you fucked up. As soon as your emotions got a hold of you. You lost one investment—one boy—and you just had to try to get him back."

He paused, then brought his voice to a whisper.

"And now you have _nothing_."

And Saix drew second.

"You think you can antagonize me?" he snarled, and just like that, his voice was dwarfed by the blast of the gun.

Roxas blinked at Axel's back. He couldn't see anything, nothing except Axel's back. But he needed to, needed to see, needed to know if he'd really heard that, if it was really, if everything had really just come undone. Just like that.

"Fuck…" Axel swore.

He couldn't breathe. Couldn't think. He gasped, reached out.

"You were wrong, Axel," Saix said, suddenly composed again. "You think I'd enter a business deal with only one way out? I haven't told you all my plans, after all. Cocky brat."

Axel fell from his fingertips.

"_Axel!"_

Roxas didn't imagine that such a sound could come from _him_, but as he rushed to Axel's side, there was no doubting it. He took him in his arms as he wavered, just like Riku had, as he fought to gain his balance. As he fought to keep his eyes open. He looked to be in shock, not pain, but he was delirious, too. The blood was blooming rapidly on his white dress shirt, too quickly. It shouldn't have been there at all. But now it was. And it was Axel's blood. He was bleeding. Dying.

All at once, large hands were grabbing him and hauling him backward. He didn't know what else to do, aside from resist. And scream.

"_Axel!_"

Roxas was small, but he put every fraction of strength he had into jerking himself away from Saix. He could hear the man snarling commands in his ear, but Roxas wasn't listening. He was too busy twisting and throwing his body this way and that, away from Saix, to pay attention to anything he was saying. And besides, his screams were too loud to hear anything else.

"Get off!" he shrieked, jerking his elbow back and catching Saix in the ribs. He heard the man gasp, but it hardly slowed him down. Instead, he snagged Roxas around the abdomen and lifted him straight off the ground. "Let me _go_! _Axel_!"

He kicked, he flailed, he didn't even think about it. His heel connected with something hard—a shin perhaps—and he heard Saix curse again, and then he twisted to press a hand against the larger man's face, pushing his neck back forcibly. He bent and contorted his body every which way, making his body as unwieldy and clumsy as possible. Saix _would_ let go. He bit, he scratched, he clawed, he elbowed and punched and kicked and every time Saix stumbled backward a little more, just that farther from Axel, he screamed. Screamed like his soul was being cleaved slowly, agonizingly, terribly in two.

The second gunshot tore through him, and he let out a single, wordless shriek of fear, before a still quiet wrapped around them both. He froze, feet still not touching the ground, still hunched in Saix's stubborn grip. Blood dripped onto his hair, his shoulder, and startled, Roxas turned his face up.

As soon as he did, Saix's body crumpled beneath its own death weight, and Roxas tumbled to the floor with it. He wormed out of Saix's arms, now slack, and took one look at his captor's face before turning and retching onto the floor beside him. Right in the center of that X-shaped scar…the bullet had found its target, and left no chance for survival. Roxas threw up everything left in his stomach from the banquet, that too-perfect party that now seemed miles away. A night that had begun with hope and love and giddiness…now ended with Roxas on his hands and knees, surrounded by bodies.

Weak and trembling, he dragged himself to where Axel lay face down. Ever carefully, he turned him onto his back, kicking the gun away from his hand, and placed his head on his chest. Numb, covered in blood, tears, and vomit, Roxas waited, silently, until he heard the faint, but forever familiar and lovely, promising sound of a _thump_…_thump_…_thump_…

The tears came again in a rush, but Roxas bit his lip and dug into Axel's pockets until he found the small black device he knew was a cell phone. He'd never used one before, so when his poking and prodding only made the screen come alive demanding a password, Roxas nearly threw the damn thing.

Password? How was he to know the four numbers Axel had chosen to lock his life away with? Whining, he scrambled over to Saix's body, and searched until he once more held a phone in his hand. It was a slightly different phone, but it, too, required a password to be used.

This time, he _did_ throw the phone. It smashed into a bookshelf and shattered to pieces on the floor. Breathing hard, he searched the room, desperate for something, anything. He would do anything. Whatever it took.

He rose from the floor, shot into the main office, and threw himself onto the desk. There. A phone. One he actually recognized. He stabbed in the three numbers he knew, the only phone number he'd ever been taught. Sora's voice echoed in his head. They were sitting in front of the orphanage's only TV, watching the scary movies Sora always laughed at rather than found fear in.

"_Nobody ever thinks to call 9-1-1 in these stupid movies. That's what you do if anyone's in real big trouble, Roxas. Like, if someone's about to die or something kind of trouble. You hear me? You call 9-1-1."_

"9-1-1 operator. What is your emergency?"

"He's _dying_," Roxas sobbed, unable to keep it in any longer. He couldn't stop shaking. "He shot him! He shot him and now he's dying. Please help him. _Please_—"

"Son, please calm down," the voice said, with such warm authority that Roxas bit his lip and hushed. "Where are you?"

"I don't know," Roxas cried. "He took me here. In a tall building. We're at the top, in a big office with a library. I don't know where it is."

"Are there windows? Can you see outside?"

"Um…" Roxas sniffled, then scrambled over to the window. He shoved aside the blinds and look outside. "I see…it's dark. But there's a busy street…and lots of buildings. I can see signs."

"What do the signs say?"

"It says…uh…" Roxas squinted, and softly mouthed each letter to himself. "Lar…Larxene's…guns…and amm…ammu…ni…tion? Ammunition?"

"Is there anything else?"

"A pizza place, I think," he murmured, finding more signs. "And Terra…pub…lish…ing…?"

"Heart Headquarters."

"What?" Roxas jumped at the sound of Axel's name.

"Is that where you are, son?"

"I think so," Roxas replied, before nodding. "That makes sense."

"Alright, there's help heading your way. They should be there soon. We've also contacted the owner of the building and corporation; we have to alert him of the break-in."

"Xemnas! Yes! Tell him it's Axel!" Roxas cried. "Axel is dying! You have to let him know!"

"Axel Heart?" the man on the other end asked. "Can I get your name, son?"

"I'm Roxas," he answered quietly. "R-O-X-A-S. Roxas."

"Your last name?"

"I don't have one."

* * *

><p>Roxas was cradling Axel when they arrived. People with guns and people with gloves, people who tore him from Axel's side again. He screamed and kicked and cried, but they pulled him away even still. To his credit, it took two of them to hold him down, and he watched, screaming, sobbing, as they moved Axel onto a bed with wheels and out of the room. Then they took Riku. They held him even when he fell still and did nothing but softly cry. They covered Saix with a shiny black bag.<p>

When Xemnas came, Roxas cried out, and Axel's father demanded they let him go. He ripped himself from their weakened hold, and threw his arms around Xemnas' torso. And he was surprised when Xemnas did not hesitate and wrapped his arms around him in comfort.

"I'm sorry," Roxas sobbed. "I couldn't stop him. It all just happened. It… I wasn't strong enough. I'm so sorry. Is he going to be okay? Please tell me he'll be okay."

"We don't know yet, Roxas," he said, taking his shoulders and pulling him away to look at him. "We'll go to the hospital now. You'll need to tell me what happened, okay? All of it."

"Yes, sir," he said, just the way Axel had told him to.

It was all a slow-motion rush, getting from the top floor to the bottom.

This time, they took the elevator.

* * *

><p><strong>Alrighty! We're almost done. I'm pretty happy with this chapter. I could give you another life update like I usually do, but I think I'll skip that today because I have a lot on my schedule today, and I just barely have time to post this today. But I should update with the final chapter very soon! Hope you enjoyed this one. :)<strong>

**AnimeCountDown**


	12. Pygmalion

It didn't so much get easier as it simply became something he was used to. The questioning, the prying, the investigations, and the accusations. Hard eyes and cruel words and merciless prodding. For the first few days, it was enough to wear him to tears and depression. Roxas had never before felt the extent of loneliness, not in this shape and size at least. He'd never before slept alone, dealt with his troubles alone, faced the world alone, and his shoulders were in no shape to bear the weight of this burden. Even so, he refused to let it defeat him. He saved his crying for after nightfall, for when all the cameras and lawyers and officers went away, and even Xemnas had gone to bed. Xemnas was tired, too, Roxas knew. This tragedy was one they shared, and in it, they had forged a special bond that before, Roxas had thought unlikely, if not impossible.

But like all things in the world of men like those in the Heart family, this entire situation was an unlikely, if not impossible circumstance, and Roxas knew there was nothing he could do but bite the bullet and plow through the shit until he was free of it and its stench. Occasionally, Kairi was there for him. Kairi and the others. It was hard for them, though, to relate, and _their_ sympathy was enough to drive him as mad as the rest of the city's. Every morning newspaper had another article featuring him, and Xemnas, and Saix, and…

He could handle the tossing and turning at night, and the moments when it hurt so much, only screaming into his pillow could drown a portion of his sorrow. He could handle the way everyone seemed to hesitate around him, like he might explode should anyone say anything too harsh, too offensive, too insensitive. And he could handle being front and center now. Something about this entire ordeal had hardened him, had made looking someone in the eye and speaking up not quite as frightening as it once was. In fact, he felt as though his life had been explicitly split into two parts. Roxas before. Roxas after.

Roxas before had been shy, uncertain, and weak. Roxas after didn't think on his former self distastefully or with any form of self-disappointment, but he did look back on the past with a sort of nostalgic desire to understand how he once could have been that way. So quiet and meek. So easy to step on. Now, there was nothing to it: standing straight, though maybe not tall, and keeping his chin up rather than his eyes cast down, and somehow, now…he couldn't truly fathom acting now the way he had before. What was the point in hiding anyway? His behavior had left him wide open for assault. Of the worst kind.

Even now, his mind still spun when he thought about the orphanage, about Sora and the rest of his friends. He was yet to speak to any of them since that night, due to the investigation and the distance from the Heart's manor to Rochester. It was all so bizarre he couldn't wrap his brain around it. Saix had been there all along, the master that none of them had ever met… None save those he trained…abused…raped… The thought of Sora going through that…and still being so selfless as to protect him from it. Roxas owed Sora his life. Living like that would have destroyed Roxas. He would never have been able to survive it. Not how he used to be anyway.

Instead, he had found Axel.

That, really, had made all the difference. Nobody, not even Sora, could ever have offered Roxas what Axel had given him over the past few weeks. Quite simply, Axel had changed Roxas, had changed his life and his perspective… Axel was the one who gave Roxas something to live for, even now.

Especially now. It was the only thing that kept Roxas from breaking, and the one thing that forced him to be stronger. Not knowing if Axel would eventually come back and having only hope to cling to. Only doctor's reports and statistics, and ignoring the good chance that Axel could stay in a coma for anywhere from another hour to another decade. Roxas was nowhere capable of understanding medical terminology; he'd only just begun to so much as read. But Xemnas had explained it simply enough, that though Axel had survived that night…he might never return.

Roxas wouldn't allow himself to contemplate the thought, and stuck to firmly believing it was only a matter of time. One of these days, Axel would open his eyes, grin, and kiss him hard, just like he always did, and everything would work out just fine…like it was supposed to. There was no other way the story could end.

Sometimes, when Axel's stone-blank face was too much or when Xemnas wanted a moment alone with his son, Roxas would wander down the hall and find himself in Riku's room. He never would have guessed he'd at some point take comfort there, especially so soon, but that night had changed Riku as much as it had changed Roxas. At first, he'd stumbled across his room on accident, but something had made him stay. It might have been the fact that Riku was handcuffed to the rails of his bed or that in those blue eyes resided a sorrow that not only reflected Roxas', but was possibly a little deeper. Roxas had been kidnapped and held hostage, had watched the man he loved more than his own life almost die, had nearly been shot point blank in the face. But Riku had lost more than his love. He'd lost his sanity, his reasoning, his home, and his life. Some part of Roxas, the new part of him, neither hated nor feared the new Riku. Rather, he pitied him, and he understood.

So, that first day, he entered slowly, watching Riku as cautiously as Riku watched Roxas, and he sat at his bedside. And they said nothing, for hours at a time. They merely sat, and perhaps Riku contemplated, but Roxas just sat. He sat and let the world be, and for a time, he found that by Riku's side, he really could let all his thoughts go. He could escape the pain and the heartbreak, and even the hope, and all he did was exist in those moments. He was as numb as could be, and for a while, even, he found a special contentedness that left his strength renewed and ready to take on another day of paparazzi and paperwork and horror.

"You know, I'm sorry," Riku said once, so very quietly, Roxas had to look up to be sure he'd actually spoken. And yes it was there, that guilt-ridden, uncertain expression, that trembling of the lips. He met his gaze, eyes shining with something Roxas couldn't be sure of. "I know it hardly matters. But I am so sorry."

For a while, they were quiet. Not because Riku's words didn't matter. But because it took a moment for Roxas to know exactly what he wanted to say. His words never came easily anymore. Every syllable had so much meaning. He never spoke lightly nowadays.

"I know," he replied, finally, and knew that Riku was watching him, even as Roxas turned his own eyes to the window. The sun let in a muted light, and that was all, and Roxas thought both he and Riku were more content in this real, natural, half-light than any manufactured lie. "And I appreciate that. Because I know I'm not the only one who's hurting."

Another silence, and Roxas was happy with it. Happy to wait until Riku spoke again.

"You deserve him," he breathed out shakily, his voice on the brink of tears. But as Roxas glanced toward his former captor, he saw Riku doing as he himself had done for days. Holding it in. Pushing through. Being strong. "And more importantly, he deserves you. I was… I was wrong. And nothing will account for what I did."

"Xemnas isn't pressing charges against you," Roxas said softly, and he couldn't say for sure whether or not this surprised Riku. Those eyes were always wide with shock and pain, it seemed. At least now. Fiddling with his thumbs, Roxas tilted his head and continued on. "Saix was hard enough for him to deal with. He says you can plead to insanity or some other mental case like that. And if he pulls a couple strings, all you'll need is daily therapy and community service to keep from going to jail. It's still all so amazing…what their family can do…"

Riku didn't say anything else after that, so Roxas had no idea what he might have been thinking.

But somehow, he thought it hurt him even more.

* * *

><p>"I've been reading those books you gave me."<p>

It was silent in Axel's hospital room, as it always was. With the door shut and the blinds drawn, it was like being locked in a separate world. An alternate universe. One where it was left to Roxas to put things back into order again. His voice shimmered from the way it echoed off the pale blue walls, and Roxas curled his fingers around Axel's still hand over and over again, unable to keep from fidgeting. He sucked in a breath, watching Axel's handsome face for any trace of life. For that smile, those eyes, that voice. Any of him.

"I just finished Pygmalion…" he went on, ignoring the way his voice shook and pretending like it was as strong as he made it for the rest of the world. For the audiences. "You know, that…one with the man who…takes in the poor woman…and teaches her how to be a lady? It's… It almost sounds just like what happened with us… I mean. Kind of…"

He chuckled softly, swiping away a tear before it could fall. Here was different. It was like when he sobbing into his pillow at night. Axel's pillow. The ones that still smelled like him. But that bed was too big when he slept in it alone. No smell could ever replace what should have been there every night.

"And I couldn't help but think about all the ways that Eliza really got on my nerves," Roxas murmured, biting his lip and he thought back on all his favorite parts. "I mean…after all that Higgins did for her, she was so ungrateful to him. After everything he gave her and all the doors he opened for her… Even at the end of it all, she was just okay with taking advantage of Higgins. Of taking what he'd given her and running back to where she'd come from. How could she do that? How could she be so…"

The tears were coming faster than he could stop them, and so he merely gave up and buried his head into the mattress by Axel's side. Regardless of his pretenses outside of this room, the pain was unbearable. He couldn't even show his face when it hurt this much.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, every breath and word a muffled sob. "I'm so sorry, Axel. I never… I don't want anything but you. Not the orphanage, not my past, not Sora. None of it means anything if I don't have you with me. I don't… I don't want to be like Eliza. I don't want you to think I'd ever abandon you. Not now. Not ever. _Please_ give me a chance to tell you that. _Please_ come back."

"Oh _please_. You are _nothing_ like Eliza."

Roxas jerked his head up so fast, he nearly overcompensated. Nearly fell over backwards. But the hand still clasped in his anchored him, kept him rooted, gave him the sight of those flashing green eyes, weak, tired, but open. _Alive_. Stunned, Roxas opened his mouth, but his throat was too swollen and his brain too full of everything that he couldn't speak. There he was. Grinning that devilish smirk and squeezing back with what little strength he had and eyes fighting to stay open. There he was. His _Axel_. Alive and well and _not dying_.

"Besides, if you were Eliza, that would make me Higgins, wouldn't it?" he went on, so casually, but with his eyes so full of that warm, beautiful adoration, Roxas' heart began pounding so fiercely, so suddenly, he almost couldn't hear. "And I don't think I'm _that _much of a self-assuming, arrogant prick. Then again, Luxord could always be Colonel Pickering…which I suppose would make my father Mrs. Higgins… And I don't think he'd be all too happy about that."

"Oh, shut up!" Roxas cried, throwing himself around Axel with no semblance of reserve. And while weak and bedridden and paler than he'd ever been, Axel caught him, wrapped his arms around Roxas' tiny body, held him tight and close, buried his nose in his neck and inhaled shakily. On the verge of tears himself.

They stayed like that until Roxas simply had to look at Axel again. Had to see him to believe he was awake and well and as witty as he'd always been. He pulled back just enough to meet those emerald, dashing eyes and caress his cheeks, his lips, entwine his fingers in those messy red locks. With a gasp, he pressed a kiss to Axel's lips, and cherished the way Axel pressed back.

"I'm so glad you're here," Axel whispered against his mouth, hardly breaking their kiss even to speak. Roxas smiled, forehead flush to Axel's.

"That's my line," Roxas retorted, and bit his lip as his next words came out. "You've been asleep for so long, Axel… I was so worried…"

"I thought I'd shot you," Axel breathed, and for a moment all was still. There was nothing to say.

And then, once more, the tears were coming, from both of them this time, and they were in each other's arms again.

* * *

><p>Life returned with a pace slow and steady. A pace that Roxas could handle, even if it drove Axel insane. The redhead quickly regained his former energy and he almost seemed to insist on being treated as though he'd never even been shot in the first place. Back to work, back to normality, back to life, he said, and that was that. Even with Riku, he didn't seem to harbor any ill feelings. Roxas spent the first few days of Axel's recovery filling him in on everything that had happened while he'd been in his coma, including his altered relationships with both Xemnas and Riku. Xemnas, too, discussed many things with Axel, and eventually, Axel seemed to come to the same conclusion as his father. Putting all recent events in the past was for the best. With Saix gone, the Heart family would flourish again like it hadn't known it could. They would simply move on.<p>

And move on was exactly what Axel was determined to do. After only a couple days, he convinced the doctors and his father that he was ready to go home, and only a few days after that, he swore up and down he was ready to return to work, to face the public, to make his statements and be done with it. Best not to draw it out, he said, and Roxas, though exasperated over some of his love's refusal to acknowledge that he was still in a serious physical condition, admired him for his strength and his courage.

He couldn't hide that it still hurt, though. On his first day home, Axel couldn't even shower on his own without doubling over in pain. So Roxas did it for him. Simple things like getting dressed, jogging, and bending over were no longer instinctive actions. They required effort and practice. Even climbing into bed and lying there was a trouble on occasions. If he turned over and clenched the wrong muscle or twisted a certain way or if Roxas nudged him in a bad place in his own sleep, Axel was left in intolerable agony for any given amount of times. Sometimes it was just a twinge that faded after a few seconds. Sometimes he couldn't get back to sleep for hours.

But Roxas was always there. Every step of the way, with whatever Axel needed, whether he thought he needed it or not. He was there to wash his body for him every night. He was there to pull his shirts over his head, even if he needed a chair to reach. He was there to run and get an ice pack or hot tea whenever he couldn't relax. His condition wore on Axel's nerves, but Roxas never let his patience run out. How could he? It wasn't even an option, really. He just did what he owed Axel. What he wanted to give Axel every day for the rest of their lives.

Eventually, Axel recovered. The doctors told him it might be about a month, and bit by bit, Axel slowly but surely healed, just like they said he would. His wound faded to a scar, ugly but not hindersome, and he began to be able to do the things he'd not been able to. And every day, after work, he'd take Roxas out. To dinner or even to a movie, to the park or to the beach. They'd stay out until it got dark, and never did he try to hide from the cameras or the stares, and never did he fail to kiss him right out in the open, never ashamed, never worried, never anything but kind and loving and the man Roxas had so deeply fell in love with.

Tonight they lingered in the gardens. The ones Roxas never tired of. They wandered and held hands and got lost in the maze of roses and fountains until they absolutely had to take a seat. Roxas plopped down, making a show of stretching out over the stone while Axel sauntered over, playing with the stems of roses as he approached. Roxas watched, curious as Axel fondled the thorny branches, and then peered blank-faced at his hand. As he came closer, Roxas could make out the tiny drops of blood welling where he'd pricked his finger. Axel sank onto the bench beside him and leaned back, eyes closed, expression some kind of peaceful Roxas couldn't describe.

Without hesitating, he scrambled up, leaned forward, and pulled Axel's finger into his mouth. He sucked gently, purring in appreciation when Axel ran his fingers through Roxas' hair. He prided himself in the smile that passed Axel's lips, and only released his finger to press his kiss to those lips instead.

"I love you," Axel murmured the moment he had air, and Roxas could only smile, put his hands on Axel's chest and tease him gently.

"You cut yourself," he scolded mockingly. "You should be more careful."

"Mmm…" Axel hummed as he kissed him. "I did it on purpose."

Roxas rolled his eyes and kissed him with all he had left, no teasing or joking about it. Instinctive, he pulled his arms around Axel's neck, and obliged when Axel tugged him closer, and had no thought about it when their tongues met and their lips locked. No thought was needed. It was all so normal, so natural, so easy and right and perfect. Thought would change it. Thought would ruin it. And Roxas was determined to let nothing ruin this ever again.

"I know," he sighed, and with that, broke the kiss, standing and pulling Axel up with him. It was just about time for dinner now, and Roxas was really enjoying the new family atmosphere Xemnas had been encouraging lately. He'd really started feeling like he…belonged, not only in Axel's life, but in the Heart family as a whole. Hand fitting inside Axel's larger one, he smiled up at him, another kiss ready to be given. "And I love you, too."

* * *

><p>That night, after dinner, began like any other night. Serene and beautiful, they bathed together, and Roxas took his time washing every sacred inch of his love's sweet skin. By now, Axel could manage it himself, but it seemed to have become a tradition for them to take the time to wash each other still, gingerly, lovingly. Without implications or distractions. It was simply something they did now. Roxas loved such moments. It gave him the chance to cherish Axel, to do something for him that no one else would ever be allowed to consider. It was something both selfless and positively rewarding, something that calmed Roxas when life had seemed particularly hectic for the day or when he just need to touch Axel. To reassure himself that he really was there. That their happy ending hadn't disappeared.<p>

He always took special care of the area around Axel's wound. Previously, because it was tender to touch, but the scar now stood as a symbol if nothing else. A reminder that Axel truly loved him. That he would literally take a bullet for him. That he would die for him.

Such thoughts often brought tears to Roxas' eyes. He wasn't sure why, or if that would ever change. But every time, as if knowing the reason for those tears, Axel would say not a word and kiss every warm drop from his cheeks before finally finding his lips. Their relationship was like that now. There was a depth to it that hadn't been there before. The threat of death could do that to people. Could bind them in such a way no man could explain it, or perhaps even fully comprehend it. Roxas wasn't complaining. He understood Axel in the same way that he understood himself. Everything was automatic, simple, and perfect this way. And sometimes he was thankful for Saix and his bullet. Without them, nothing would have turned out so right.

They exited the shower, Axel taking his hand like a gentleman and helping him step out without slipping. He always did things like that, treating him delicately and sweetly. If it had come from anyone else, Roxas might have found it insulting. Axel just somehow made it different. They dried each other off, taking their time, like everything they did together now. Every second precious, every action priceless. Roxas sighed, blissful, as Axel ran the towel through his hair, his fingers massaging his skull.

As they were walking to their bed, though, something clicked, and something changed. And Roxas almost felt it coming when Axel suddenly turned to him and swept him up abruptly and without warning. Like one might carry a bride. Giggling into Axel neck, he curled in Axel's hold and let him take them both to the bed.

"You are gorgeous," he murmured lovingly as he laid him on the mattress, fingers brushing at his hair. Roxas swam in those lovely green eyes. "And I love you."

"I love you more," Roxas replied, both serious and not. It came out without it registering at first, and when Axel gave him an amused look, he pursed his lips and squirmed under his scrutiny. "_What_?"

"Okay, one, I cannot believe you just said that," he chuckled, but then his smirk became warm and dark as he moved to crawl overtop Roxas, kissing a trail all the way to his mouth. Grinning, he finished, "And two, that can't possibly be true."

After that, they were lost. Lost like they'd never allowed each other to be before. Roxas knew the importance of tonight, had been counting the days just like Axel had been. They were both ready for it…ready for that last step. He hadn't been before. But now, it was all he could do to keep from squealing with joy. After all the things that had once held them back…

They were finally going to be together.

Roxas mewled as Axel's tongue met his own, gasped as fingers dug into his skin, held on tight as lips closed over his pulse and sucked, hard.

"Axel," he sighed, and lifted his hips upward to grind against Axel. The redhead moaned into his neck, and obliged, pressed his erection down just enough to leave Roxas trembling with anticipation and pleasure. Biting his bottom lip, he held back the groan on his lips to beg, "_Oh! _Axel…_please_."

"Roxas…" Axel whispered, teeth grazing his skin, making everything tingle. Everything. Roxas tried to pull him closer again, but only just as Axel asked abruptly, "Are you sure…? Do you want this? Are you ready?"

"Axel," he responded slowly, taking Axel's face in his hands and looking him dead in the eye. He could see the desire, the love, the passion, but today there was also fear. Hesitance. Not knowing what else to do, he gave his lover a scolding look and growled, "Are you _kidding_ me?"

When Axel kissed him slow and sweet, Roxas purred, knowing he had nothing to worry about.

"I just want to make sure," Axel whispered, and Roxas could only smile.

"I know," he said, reaching up to run his fingers down the side of Axel's face gently. "And I want you to know I want this."

"_Good_," Axel replied, with a quick kiss on the lips and a grin that made them both laugh. Roxas smiled as Axel stared down at him, eyes both so sincere and full of delight. It was a marvelous combination. They made…quite a pair. "I love you."

"You know…" Roxas teased, rolling his eyes playfully. "I think that's a record. How many times have you told me that today?"

"Too much?" Axel second guessed, and Roxas couldn't be sure whether his concern was legitimate or not. But he laughed anyway, pulling Axel down by his neck.

"Never," was his promise. "I don't think I could ever get tired of hearing that."

"Good, because I love saying it," Axel said, and then proceeded to fall over Roxas entirely, crushing his small, petite body beneath his own. It threw Roxas into a fit of giggles, and he good-naturedly tried shoving Axel off, who adamantly refused to budge. The deadweight took his breath away, and only until Axel grabbed him by the waist and flipped them over could Roxas suck in some more oxygen.

Still grinning, he smacked Axel on the chest, but leaned forward to steal a kiss. He jerked back before Axel could return the gesture, and when he moved forward to kiss Roxas, the blonde pulled back, eyes taunting, yet begging. It immediately turned into a game of chase, which turned into a game of pinning the other down, which then became a game of who could say the most sickeningly romantic lines. All silly, but they had to be true.

Very gradually, their playing became real, and every movement was suddenly charged with a new kind of electricity. They bit at each other, sucked, pulled, clawed, in all ways loving and dear. It didn't take much to have Roxas so distracted by the pleasure Axel wreaked on his sensitive body, there wasn't much he could do to reciprocate. All he could do was squirm, gasp, moan, fingers reaching out to grasp at Axel, toes curling into the sheets. Nothing mattered save Axel's mouth, his tongue as it trailed down old paths, renewing his sense of familiarity with all the contours of Roxas' petite frame. It wasn't until he realized Axel was pausing for a rather significant span of time before he glanced up, breathless and dazed.

"Axel?" he gasped, and Axel's eyes, full of worry, met his unsurely. He pushed himself onto his elbows as Axel chuckled nervously.

"Um… I forgot…" He lost his voice for a second, and as seconds ticked by, Roxas was gaining his breath and losing his high. Much to his dismay. He raised his eyebrows to hurry Axel's admission of guilt. "Uh… Lubricant."

Lubricant.

It was a word he was newly familiar with, and only because it was one of those things he'd once asked Kairi about during their "lessons". It could be used during any type of intercourse, but it was especially important for a couple like Axel and Roxas. Xion had shamelessly explained the health concerns that accompanied what sex would be like for the two of them, all while Roxas listened intently, lips pressed together, face flaming hot. She then went on to list all her favorite brands and kinds and _flavors_, good lord, explaining that using a condom could offer even more lubrication if it was needed and on and on she had gone. But the part that Roxas recalled now was that you didn't need a fancy, specifically designed lotion in a bottle.

He could improvise if he needed to.

So he sat up, eyes locked on Axel's, and grabbed his lover's hand with both of his. Not wasting time, he pulled it forward and slid two fingers into his mouth, licking and sliding his tongue around them until they were both thoroughly coated in saliva. To be honest, it wasn't quite so romantic as it could have been, and to be honest, maybe Roxas was getting a little spoiled as far as cleanliness was concerned, but it kind of grossed him out a little if he was honest. But his actions sparked a fresh course of lust in Axel's eyes, and that alone assured him that, no, this alternative might not be adorable, but it was certainly…sexy. Roxas liked feeling sexy.

And only Axel could make him feel like that. Especially when he shot up and licked away the excess saliva hanging between Roxas' lips and Axel's hand—still a little nasty, but it made Roxas groan. Holding Roxas close to him in his lap, Axel brought his fingers to the tight entrance nobody had ever touched in Roxas' life. The sensation of probing was merely foreign at first, but when Axel's finger suddenly pressed inside, he couldn't hold back the sound that emitted weakly from his mouth.

It didn't really _hurt_, but it was…weird. It didn't feel normal, didn't feel comfortable. His insides seemed to clench, seemed to try to push Axel out of him, and it didn't feel good trying to resist his body's instincts. But he did, especially when Axel's words found his ear, his kisses finding his throat with such sweetness he relaxed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and it was all Roxas needed. That encouragement helped him to slowly ease from his tension, helped him relax. Axel kissed him again. "Good boy."

Axel moved around for a moment, in a way that just moved deeper and deeper. Loosening him from the inside. When he pulled out and re-entered, it happened so smoothly, Roxas purred in appreciation. It wasn't so strange the second time. Still weird. But this time exciting rather than frightening. Axel repeated the process, this time with what felt like two fingers, until the sensation became likeable…if not enjoyable. By the time Axel could fit three in…Roxas was more than ready. The rock of hips came naturally, the sounds in his throat came easy.

"Are you…?" Axel asked slowly, hesitantly almost as if scared to hear it if Roxas' answer was no. But it was yes. It was a thousand times yes. He nodded just to be sure, and laid his forehead upon Axel's shoulder as he waited. For Axel to get his own member as slick and wet as his fingers. For him to lift him up and set him just atop his tip.

Slowly.

Finally.

They came together.

So many feelings at once, from within him and from the outside world, rushed through him so swiftly, Roxas trembled in absolute submission to any and all oncoming sensations. The pain of being stretched, the pleasure of being filled, the love that bound them so tightly, all he could do was cling to Axel. Axel, who seemed just as dumbfounded as himself.

"Holy…" Axel gasped, voice low, husky, almost strained. Roxas whimpered in response, not sure what it was that dominated all the things he felt, but knowing that he didn't want to be anywhere else.

"I… Axel…" Roxas whispered, and in response, his lover stroked his head. Kissed him and pet him and held him so close.

"I know, Roxas," he said with a purr, sounding like he might cry. Except Roxas himself was already full of tears, and when he gazed up at Axel, not knowing what to say or think, he knew there would be nothing else. Not a thing in the world could replace this moment, could taint it for all its perfection.

Eventually, they began to move together. Almost in unison, they moved apart, and Roxas shuddered as Axel pulled out of him. And then they were slowly sliding back together, and he was moaning. They were both moaning. Taking their time, being gentle with one another, keeping a pace neither of them set that both of them could keep. Gradually, they quickened, but only so much, for Roxas was too busy focusing on every moment. Every movement and sensation that drew another breath, another gasp, another cry from his lips. Then Axel struck something.

Something deep in his body that he didn't even know existed. Something that exploded as soon as Axel touched it, something that left his vision white, his body in shock, and a scream erupting from his lips.

"_Roxas?_" Axel gasped, freezing immediately. Roxas couldn't respond. Eyes shut, body clenched, he was too busy recovering from the impossible bliss that had just soared through his entire being. "Roxas, are you okay? Oh my god, I'm so sorry…"

"No," Roxas murmured through the haze. No, _not at all_. You have _nothing_ to apologize for. That was… He only had the strength to press against him, kiss him uncontrollably and whisper, "_Please_ do that again."

Axel paused.

"Only if you keep talking like that," he breathed.

And then it was all a storm. A storm full of streaks of white instead of lightning and blissful screams instead of thunder. Of pure, raw, intense pleasure and the sounds of their love-making filling the room until it was charged with absolute _everything_. Roxas was helpless, more vulnerable than he had ever been, and all he could do was hang on. Hang on with his hands, his body, his heart, and know with all certainty that Axel would never let him fall. He rocked him to oblivion, and Roxas couldn't have kept it to himself if he'd ever had the strength to. Instead, he screamed, he cried, he begged Axel for more. He told him exactly how he wanted it, and Axel never disappointed. They didn't let up, not even as Roxas began to climb to his peak. As he began to reach his climax. As the white crackled across his vision and his bliss shook him to the core, as his screams rose in crescendo, Axel's name on his lips, and he came, and came, and could feel nothing but the ecstasy of his orgasm.

"_Roxas…_" The soft growl caressed him as Axel found his release and filled Roxas with his love, his seed. Their lips found each other and they slowly fell from their pinnacle and into each other's limp arms. And there they rested, until Axel found the only words Roxas had ever needed. The only words he ever wanted to hear again. "I love you, Roxas."

"I… I love you, too," he managed, absolutely breathless. Axel nudged his lips gently, almost cautiously, like he might break. After withstanding _that_, though—the most intense thing Roxas had ever known—he felt stronger than diamond.

"Your…your first time," Axel murmured slowly, watching him with unsure, wishful eyes. "Was it… Are you okay?"

For a moment, Roxas could only think to laugh.

"Oh, Axel," he giggled, pressing together their foreheads. He stroked Axel cheek sweetly, smiled without even thinking. "It was perfect. _You're_ perfect… I love you."

"I love you more," Axel whispered back, and it only gave Roxas reason to smile more without thinking. Without thinking about anything at all.

Because thought would change it. Thought would ruin it.

And for the first time, just letting life happen…was the most astonishing dream come true.

* * *

><p><strong>I am so sorry. I'm an awful liar. I really am. I promised so many updates in November, and I'm only getting to all my stories five months later. I really am a terrible person. :( Please forgive me. <strong>

**Life happens, you know? But, if it softens the blow of my unexcusable tardiness, my life has been through quite a few up and downs recently, and I'm pretty happy to say it's in an "up" right now. Good things happening. I hope that little trend continues for a while. Anyway, I'm really sorry if a lot of you don't like this ending chapter to Birth. I, personally, really take pride in the first half. Most people after Chains asked for more explanations and character development, and I really hope I gave you that with Roxas. Really, of the two of them, Roxas was the dynamic character, and he went through all the tough changes, not Axel. But I worked really super hard on the first half of this chapter, so I hope you can appreciate. The second half was, as most of you know, a revised version of what's pretty much all of the last chapter of Chains. **

**Anyway, I admit. I got my fill of this story, and I'm glad I'm done. I do think I will continue with my promises of making a drabble-sequeal because I think it's cute, but I really don't know where I'll get the time. Althooough, to fill you in briefly on my life (I really do use these author's notes as a blog, don't I?), some of you know I'm a theatre major (stage management). Right now, I'm on assignment for my university's upcoming play (The Furies! a sequel to Agamemnon if you don't know, and if you don't know what Agamemnon is, it's just a Greek play with lots of betrayal and hypocrisy and death). Since I have to attend rehearsal Sunday-Friday every night, I can only work three shifts a week now. I'm in a good place financially for now, so let's hope the lack of income doesn't drive me crazy. But because of the big gap between class ending and rehearsal beginning (which used to be filled with prop crew and work every day), I know have a lot of time to write. So hopefully I can commit to finishing up a few stories and starting some more. **

**To be honest, I had to buy a new notebook (I go through them like crazy, though lately I've had an incredible bout of writer's block and didn't realize I haven't really written anything good until earlier this week), and found a shiny gold one. I liked it. And it inspired me. So hopefully, I'll be writing more. I will try. :) **

**But anywho, farewell for now. I hope you enjoyed the ride. **

**AnimeCountDown**


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